Black Magic
by StarryFluff
Summary: The various adventures of Sirius Black, one of the most infamous of villains, the most brutal of murderers, the most notorious of mischief makers at Hogwarts, and by far the most loyal friend the wizarding world has ever seen.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: All of the names, characters, etc. in this story belong to J. K. Rowling**, **not me. If they did belong to me, I'd be rich and famous, but they don't, so I'm not... yet.**

They stood, silhouetted against the clear blue of the lake, some nervous, some happy, some in tears, but all together, as a whole, for one last time. The graduating class had finally received their diplomas and wands flew about wildly as pictures were taken, fireworks were summoned, and banners were conjured. Apart from the cheering group stood four friends, under an old beech tree where they'd spent so many free afternoons, laughing and joking.

"I guess this is it," Peter Pettigrew whispered, looking utterly terrified at the thought of entering the real world.

Sirius let out a loud, bark-like laugh, throwing his head back gracefully, "Of course this isn't 'it', Wormy!"

"Peter, do you really think we're all going to go off and never speak to each other again now that we've graduated?" James asked him rather like a teacher would ask a particularly dull student.

"Oh… no, of course not!" Peter said, but he sounded very relieved all the same.

The friends stood in silence for a few moments, staring out over the lake, each lost in his own thoughts. "So…" Remus Lupin said at last, "Do you reckon we ask Dumbledore now?"

For years they had been plotting about what they might do when they left Hogwarts, but it hadn't been until their seventh year that the marauders had come up with anything solid. They'd begun by noticing Dumbledore's unexplained absences from the castle, the whispers of a group that could defeat Lord Voldemort, and the hope that maybe they could do something important, something that might mean something to the world.

Next they'd, quite uncharacteristically, quietly observed for months on end, and now, at last, they were ready to confront the headmaster and force him to let them join this secret group. This was a feat that they assumed would be much easier said then done, and so they'd discussed again and again what they might say to convince Dumbledore, but still they had nothing and at last they had to face the fact that the best they could do was just go and ask him and improvise if things weren't going well.

"I guess there's no point in waiting," James said, sounding nervous. He ran his fingers through his tousled dark hair and looked around at Sirius. "What do you think?" he asked.

"What better time than now?" Sirius said lightly.

"Besides, if we wait much longer we may not get a chance," Remus said. James nodded and lead the small group across the sloping, twilit, grounds to the small cluster of parents and teachers who were milling about, shaking hands with one another and chatting. The headmaster stood a little ways off from the group and was just saying goodbye to another proud parent.

The friends stopped a few meters behind Dumbledore, collecting themselves, before Sirius said bracingly, "Come on, we might as well go now," and walked resolutely forward, the others trailing behind him.

"Ah, Sirius Black, congratulations, of course. Well done, quite a handful of N.E.W.T.s I hear…"

"Yes, well, we've come to speak with you," James, who had come to stand behind Sirius announced. Remus, too had joined them, and even Peter had started to take a few more hesitant steps toward Dumbledore.

Dumbledore nodded, "I thought as much,"

"You did?" Sirius asked, sounding surprised, but James shook his head.

"We want to ask you… or rather, to tell you that we want, I mean, we've decided we're going to join the- the group that's, er, fighting You-Know-Who," James said, his eyes challenging the headmaster to disagree.

"Yes," Dumbledore said wearily, "I know. First, however, I must make a few things clear. All members of the organization, the Order of the Phoenix, as it's called, are in great danger at all times. I must warn you that were you to join the Order," Sirius indignantly opened his mouth to speak.

Dumbledore held up his hand patiently, "I'm not forbidding you from joining it, Mr. Black. Now that you've graduated, I'm afraid that is quite out of my control. Even if the power to prohibit you was still mine, I doubt I would use it. I would, in fact, _encourage_ four brilliant young wizards like yourselves to join the Order if I were not afraid for your lives. However, I'm going to do my best to warn and prepare you fairly. As I was saying, were you to join the Order, it would put you and all those you love in great personal danger. Fighting Voldemort," all the marauders flinched slightly, except for Peter, who, at the name, whimpered pitifully and gave an involuntary shiver.

"Fighting Voldemort," Dumbledore began again, stubbornly emphasizing the name, "is not an easy job. It takes skill and intelligence. And it isn't all action-filled duels with spells hurtling across dark dungeons… some of it, of course, does include actually physically fighting death eaters, but a lot is sitting behind desks, doing complicated incantations and looking up facts. Half of the work that has to be done is just locating death eaters. Recruiting new members is also a big part of it, as is protecting Voldemort's possible victims as well as we can. If you did decide to join, you would probably not see action for a long while… although, I cannot guarantee that as we are pitifully low on members. There'd be lots of paperwork to fill out and lots of people you'd need to talk to, and in the end, it might turn out to be quite a waste of time and energy if Voldemort were to prevail,"

"We don't care," James broke in, his voice confident.

"I can only speak for myself, but I'm almost certain my friends feel the same way. We are prepared to take any risk in order to help destroy Voldemort," Remus said. Dumbledore surveyed him carefully.

"I can see that," he said at last, in a quiet voice, "You have understood everything I have said?" All the marauders, even Peter, nodded.

"Then tomorrow we shall go to the headquarters of the Order and introduce our newest members. I suggest all of you enjoy one last night partying with your friends. You should then try and get a good night's sleep before you begin on your quest of destroying Voldemort," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling. Once again, a shiver at the name of the Dark Lord passed through the group. "Ah, that reminds me. If you are to join the Order, you will need to get over trembling every time Lord Voldemort's name is mentioned. Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself," With that, Dumbledore turned and strode off toward the castle, humming cheerfully.


	2. Chapter 2

With a sudden crack, Remus Lupin, looking pale and haggard, appeared in the middle of Sirius's disheveled living room.

"Moony!" Sirius exclaimed, moving over on the drooping couch to make room for him.

"How did it go?" James asked, smiling as Remus removed his cloak.

"Uh, as well as could be expected. They were quite upset at first. Said that as a werewolf, I shouldn't put myself in more danger than necessary, but when I explained how much joining the Order meant, they calmed down. When I told them Dumbledore was in charge, they were actually pleased, I think. You?" he asked James.

"Oh, you know my mum. She was thrilled, said she couldn't be more proud. My dad was happy too, though he's always hoped I'd be Minister of Magic and the Ministry and the Order don't always see eye to eye on everything…" James paused and looked pointedly at Sirius, "They were especially happy when I said Sirius was going to work for the Order as well. I've always thought they liked him more than their own son."

Sirius was looking rather grumpy, staring determinedly into the fire. Remus raised his eyebrows at James, "What's up?" he mouthed. James shrugged and gestured for him to be quiet.

"Really, they were awfully proud. I thought my dad was going to-"

"Would you stop rubbing it in my face that I haven't got proper parents?" Sirius exclaimed, wheeling around to glare at the pair of them.

"Hey, don't look at me!" Remus said, looking uncomfortable.

"I was only trying to help, mate," James said, nervously.

"Yeah? Well, it's not working," Sirius said bitterly.

"What happened?" Remus asked gently.

"I didn't tell them. I'm not stupid," Sirius said with a scoffing laugh, quite unlike his own. "I haven't talked to them for two years, and I'm not about to start now. I know what they'd say, anyway. My mother'd shriek about filthy blood traitors and not knowing where I owe my allegiance. My father wouldn't even say anything. He'd just try and curse me, but my mother wouldn't let him until she'd finish telling me how much better Regulus is,"

"You know that isn't true," Remus said.

"Yes it is. You don't know my parents, they-"

"No, about Regulus being better than you,"

"To them it is," Sirius said angrily. "Regulus is the perfect drooling, spoiled, little pureblood I'll never be. He's a complete idiot. He's power hungry. Did you know he's already a death eater? Not even sixteen and a death eater already."

"That's tough," James said sympathetically. Sirius had lived with the Potters during the first holiday after he'd left home. Recently he'd managed to find an apartment, which was where they were now. Sirius hardly ever talked about his family, least of all his brother.

"He doesn't even know what he's doing. The second he's asked to do more than sit around bragging about his ancestry he's going to regret joining Voldemort. It would probably be kinder if I just turned him in, but he doesn't deserve it, the scum… The… the worm…" Sirius went back to glaring sulkily at the fire, apparently unable to find the proper descriptive word for Regulus.

"Speaking of worms," James said, eager to change the subject, "Where's Wormtail?"

"Probably got off at the wrong grate," Sirius said grumpily, "He still hasn't passed his apparition test."

"What an idiot," James said in a loving voice, shaking his head pityingly.

"So, James, how was it with Lily?" Remus asked.

"Lily?" asked Sirius, sounding confused, "What about her?"

"Er… not exactly like I planned…"

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked.

"Joining the Order puts your loved ones as well as you in danger," Remus said.

"So?"

"So… Lily is James's girlfriend and he loves her, so he's got to tell her about-"

"You told her about the Order?" Sirius asked, looking stricken.

"Sorry to break it to you, but you've got no tact whatsoever," James said.

A grin spread over Sirius's handsome face, "Yeah, but you all love me anyway… So, you didn't tell her about the Order, did you?"

Remus sighed in an exasperated way and James rolled his eyes, "Well I had to, didn't I? I couldn't just break it off without any reason,"

"You broke up with her?" Sirius exclaimed, looking utterly shocked.

"Sirius, he had to. Of course he did," Remus said as understanding began to dawn on Sirius's face. James however, was looking sheepish. "You did, didn't you?" Remus asked, slowly, searching James's worried expression.

"Well, I meant to. Really, I did,"

Sirius snorted, "I'm sure you put a ton of effort into it, too," he muttered.

Ignoring this remark, James continued, "It's just, well, you see, once I had explained to her about the Order… she said she wanted to…"

"Oh no," Remus said, "What did you do? Go on, tell us…"

"Well… I didn't… I don't know, it's like Dumbledore said, isn't it? He'd encourage brilliant young-"

"You encouraged her? You said she should join?"

"Well, why not? I mean, you heard what he said! The Order is pitifully low on members! Why not Lily?"

"I suppose…" Remus said, doubtfully.

"Come on, Moony! Lighten up! Lily's alright!" Sirius said, enthusiastic now that comprehension had fully come to him.

"I know, it's just… Dumbledore might not like it…"

"It'll be fine. I'm sure it will be," James said confidently.

"Yeah. You're probably right."

"Of course I am. Now have a drink," James said, passing Remus the bottle.

Suddenly a loud whirring noise filled the room. Sirius, who'd gotten up to get more glasses, leapt away from the fire which had turned emerald green. There was a hacking cough and a cloud of soot and Peter Pettigrew tumbled out onto the hearth.

"Sorry," he said, standing and brushing himself off with his ash covered hands, "I got off at the wrong grate…" Remus, Sirius, and James all burst into laughter, looking at Peter with pity and exasperation.

At last, as their gales of laughter died down Sirius looked indignantly at the grime a befuddled looking Peter had tracked onto his worn carpet. "Look what you've done now!" Sirius exclaimed in a good impression of rage. Poor, gullible, Peter didn't even think to question Sirius's apparent fury, although if he'd looked at the floor which was so grey the dust was barely visible and at the walls which sported greasy fingerprints and colorful stains, he might have thought twice about the irate state Sirius seemed to be in.

Peter cowered against the wall. "I'm sorry! I-" but the hem of his robes had caught fire and he leapt into the air, yelping and trying to stamp out the flames. At last Remus felt bad for him and put the fire out with a casual flick of his wand.

"Peter, I don't know what you'd do if Remus didn't take pity on you as often as he does," James said.

"I was kidding, mate. Ever heard of sarcasm? We can use a handy little thing called magic to clean that up. Though usually I wouldn't even bother. I'm not exactly the kind of person who has a huge problem with dirt."

"We really shouldn't take advantage of him. It's awfully mean," James laughed, passing Peter a mug, who was now smiling weakly and nursing his burnt leg.

"Ah, but it's so easy. And so entertaining. What can I do? I've lost my chief form of amusement now that Snivellus has gone off to work for Voldemort," The friends had almost gotten used to casually saying the name, all except Peter, of course, who let out a little squeak and dropped his drink.

"Oh no! Sorry!" he said, leaning over to collect the pieces of the shattered cup.

"Hey Peter?" Sirius said, recovering from another bout of laughter. "That thing I was telling you about? Magic? It can work for this, too."


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Lilykins, long time, no see!" Sirius exclaimed, clapping her on the shoulder.

"You lay off my girl, mate!" James laughed, as the three of them entered the large mansion with pale greenish, peeling paint and broken windows that was apparently the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix.

"Hello, Sirius," Lily said, smiling. The friends entered the plain living room, glancing around nervously.

"Who's there?" someone suddenly called nervously from an adjacent room. Abruptly three people leaped out at them, their wands drawn.

"Tell us your names and how you got here!" a tall, balding wizard, exclaimed.

"No sudden moves!" another wizard, whose wand hand was trembling horribly, called.

Sirius and James glanced nervously at each other and Sirius saw Lily put her hand on her wand. James edged slowly in front of Lily, groping in his pockets, feeling for his wand.

"What's going on?" a familiar voice called suddenly. "Emmeline, who is it?"

"Pr- Professor?" Lily called uncertainly.

"Lily? Lily Evans?" gasped Minerva McGonagall, striding into the room. "What in the… How on Earth did you get here?" she asked them.

"You… You know these people, Minerva?" the nervous wizard with the trembling hand asked.

"Yes, I certainly do, Fenwick. It's quite alright, put away your wand, Edgar," she said to the tall wizard who had not yet lowered his wand.

"Mr. Potter? Mr. Black? What are you-" But she didn't get to finish because at that moment, the door behind them opened once more to admit Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.

"What's going on?" Remus asked sounding confused.

"Bit of a welcome party, apparently," Sirius grumbled.

"Is this the right place?" Peter whimpered nervously.

"Shut up," James said quietly to the three of them, glancing around. "Er… Professor…" James started, apparently unsure what to call Professor McGonagall now that he had graduated. "Well, Dumbledore said we could find the… the Order of the Phoenix here…"

"Oh, he did? I see. Well, you'd best come in," she said leading them to the large kitchen with a long table where she gestured for them to all sit down.

"He was going to bring us himself, but then something came up so he just told us where to go and said to come today and…" Remus trailed off uncertainly.

"Yes. I understand now. I can't say I'm not happy to have new members, but all of you must be warned-"

"Don't worry. Dumbledore's made absolutely certain that we know what we're doing," Sirius said.

"Oh… Oh, well in that case…"

"I want to apologize for surprising you three like that," the young witch in elegant purple robes who had jumped out at them earlier said.

"We're just so short on new members we've forgotten what they look like!" the shorter wizard piped in. "You gave us a bit of a scare! I'm Benjy. Benjy Fenwick." He stuck out his hand to James.

"James Potter," James said, looking slightly surprised at the suddenly relaxed atmosphere.

"I'm Emmeline Vance," the witch put in.

"And I'm Edgar Bones," the tall wizard said, shaking hands with Peter.

"P-Peter Pettigrew," Peter stuttered. He hadn't seemed to have gotten over meeting the three foreboding Order members when he'd first walked through the door.

"I'm Remus Lupin," Remus said, shaking hands with Emmeline Vance who looked at him oddly for a fraction of a second before abruptly letting go of his hand.

"Sirius Black," Sirius said, smiling.

"Lily Evans," Lily said.

"Hey, Joanna! Get us some of those cauldron cakes! We've got visitors!" Benjy called.

"Visitors?" a thin young witch with a sweeping curtain of black hair exclaimed, sticking her head around the corner. "By Merlin, we do! Who are you?" she said, looking around the table at all of them.

"New members!" Sirius said, he had begun to enjoy the effect this statement seemed to have on people.

"Alice!" the girl called Joanna shouted back up the stair behind her, "New members!"

"What are you talking about?" Another young witch with wispy blond hair and a kind, round, face came walking down the stairs.

"New members!" Joanna exclaimed again.

"Are you kidding around?" Alice asked suspiciously as she came into the kitchen.

Before Joanna had time to respond, however, Lily had leapt to her feet and Alice was crying, "Lily! Oh, Lily! I never thought I'd see you here!"

"This is my friend, Alice Evensleigh! She was in the year above me at Hogwarts!"

"Alice Longbottom to be, actually…" Alice said.

Lily gasped, "Oh, Alice, you should have written!"

"I would have invited you to the wedding, of course! We hadn't spoken in a while and I didn't think… Oh, but it's so good to see you, Lily!" she exclaimed, pulling Lily into a warm hug.

"When are you getting married?" Lily asked eagerly.

"We're not sure yet… There's so much to be done here and Frank's becoming an Auror, so I don't know…"

"You'll tell me, though?"

"Of course! If you're planning on working here, I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot of each other."

"Excuse me… 'Black', did you say your name was?" Edgar Bones was asking Sirius. Sirius shifted uncomfortably and nodded. Edgar Bones raised his eyebrows at Professor McGonagall.

"I trust Mr. Black entirely, Edgar."

"Alright," he said, nodding, "If you're sure…"

"Mr. Bones, I am not proud of my family," Sirius broke in suddenly.

"Oh, I didn't assume… I wasn't… I'm sorry; I seem to be slightly prejudiced against the old pureblood families these days. I meant no offense, Mr. Black."

"None taken," Sirius said, "And please, it's Sirius. As I said, I am not proud of my surname." Edgar Bones smiled and nodded, passing Sirius a cauldron cake.

"Um… And that reminds me…" Remus Lupin said, "Just, let me get this off my conscience right away: whatever stereotypes you have heard about… er… half-breeds, such as me, most of them are simply based on fear. I am not in league with Voldemort, nor do I intend to set myself on anyone or place anyone in harm's way…" Remus glanced around the table, his eyes resting on Emmeline Vance a little bit longer than on anyone else.

Emmeline Vance gave the slightest of nods. "Understood," she said, "I work at the Ministry and in my department I've run across your name before. I am sorry if I made false assumptions about you and acted rashly because of them."

"Apology accepted," Remus said, not breaking eye contact with her.

All of the Order members seemed impressed at what Remus had said except Benjy. "Wha…?" He was looking uncertainly between Remus and Emmeline, uncomprehending.

Remus smiled, "I happen to be, out of mere misfortune, a werewolf, but like I said, I'm not the sort who will go around biting people just for the sake of it."

"Oh, is that all?" Remus and his friends looked at Benjy in surprise, most people's responses when they hear that they are sitting at the table with a werewolf are not quite as casual as 'Oh, is that all?'

Benjy laughed. "My second cousin's a werewolf," he clarified, "Perfectly nice chap."

As all the Order members, new and old, chatted amiably about family and life and passed cauldron cakes around the table, the marauders couldn't help but shoot each other quick smiles. They had never been anywhere, not even at Hogwarts, where they felt so included and so much a part of the group. As they left that evening, Peter said simply "I think I'll enjoy being a part of the Order." For once, no one could have said it better themselves.

**A/N: I hope you liked it! Thanks to anyone whose read this and please, please, please leave me a reveiw****, lol**  



	4. Chapter 4

A loud crack echoed around the nearly empty living room, sending Remus levitating about a foot into the air. "Hello! Aren't you thrilled to see me?" Sirius asked, pocketing his wand and surveying the bare living room.

"Er… not particularly," Remus said, restacking the pile of books that Sirius had landed on.

"That was rhetorical," Sirius informed him. "Bit empty isn't it?"

"Uh, I just brought the last box inside ten minutes ago."

"Yeah, well… Let's start unpacking, shall we?" Sirius asked eagerly, upending a box with a delicate model of the planets in it.

"Why are you here so early?" Remus asked.

"I had to be the first one to see your new apartment!"

"I thought you were always the latest of late risers."

"Ah! That, my friend, was when all I had to look forward to was school! Today, I got to look forward to seeing your very own, personal, actual, apartment!"

"Oh," Remus said, carefully arranging his books against the wall.

"Yes… Isn't it lovely? And I've brought you a housewarming gift!"

"Oh no," Remus said, looking worried, "Is it going to be the kind of thing I'd like?" Sirius seemed to be in one of his hyper, impulsive, moods and anything was possible at this point.

"Of course! It's a ride on the big, black, monster of death!"

Remus immediately turned rather green and said hurriedly, "I'll pass, thanks."

"Oh come on, Moony! What's there not to love about my one and only flying motorbike?" Remus, who looked as though he'd like to ask what there _was_ to love about the flying bike of terror and would have if he hadn't been about to vomit, was backed up against the wall.

Sirius sighed dramatically, "I'm kidding, Moony… Though, really, you should've jumped at this opportunity. It's not something I generally offer to everyone…" Sirius reached into the pocket of his cloak and withdrew a slightly smushed box of chocolate frogs.

Remus brightened considerably, "Thanks!"

"I know you have a real weakness for them and I thought I'd bring you a treat… Since you absolutely refuse to accept this once in a life time chance to-"

"Thank you Sirius, but I really, _really_, do not want a ride on your…" Remus choked back some choice adjectives he'd like to use, "…bike. The chocolate frogs are great, though."

"I try," Sirius said, carefully choosing a frog and biting its head off. "Ish shomshing wrong?" Sirius asked through his mouthful of chocolate.

Remus shook his head, "It's nothing…"

"Oh, come on, you can tell your best friend in the whole world about anything, can't you?"

"It's just that… Well, tonight is full moon… And last time I had to transform by myself, it was a bit… er, painful. And not very fun."

Sirius immediately stopped goofing around, "What are the marauders for, Moony? I'll stay."

"No, you don't have to. I feel really…"

"Look, we've always dealt with your furry little problem together, ok? It's not like your whining or anything. I mean, I doubt anyone would call wanting some support with an incurable disease immature, you know?"

Remus nodded, looking relieved. "Great! Shall we call Prongs, then? We'll make it a party! Just like old times!" Sirius exclaimed eagerly as he began rummaging around in the boxes, looking for floo powder.

"Old times being about three months ago," Remus said, looking embarrassed, but much reassured now that his friends would be joining him for full moon.

Sirius flicked his wand at the empty fireplace and a roaring fire immediately erupted. "Hmmm… Maybe I should tone it down a bit…" Sirius asserted as a nearby roll of parchment began to smoke.

With a generous sprinkle of floo powder, Sirius stuck his head into the flames and called "Potter's home!"

Remus waited patiently, trying to unpack as many boxes as possible before Sirius finished chatting with James and decided to 'help' get him moved in.

"He says he'll come!" Sirius declared, "And he's bringing Peter!"

Remus smiled, "Thanks. I really appreciate this."

"No problem! It's going to be fun!" With a resonating crack, Peter Pettigrew and James Potter apparated on top of several boxes and an empty bed frame. James unceremoniously shook Peter off his arm. Peter had been clutching James rather tightly and looking sick after trying to use side-along apparition.

"Hello Moony!" James bellowed, catching him in a bone-breaking hug. "Padfoot here says you need a little help with your furry little problem!"

"It's going to be a house breaking party!" Sirius added.

"A- a what?" Remus asked, but he was smiling all the same.

"We're going to have the best time ever!" Sirius exclaimed.

"What have you been doing?" Peter asked, beginning to recover and eyeing the overflowing boxes and the broken bits of things Sirius had flung all over the place when 'helping' to unpack.

"Unpacking," Sirius said proudly.

"'Breaking' my apartment," Remus clarified.

"Need any help?" James asked.

"The more, the merrier! Remus, where do you keep the food?" Sirius asked.

"Um… I don't."

"You don't…?"

"Have food."

"What? No wonder you're so thin! What're you going to do with out us hanging over your shoulder at every meal making you eat? You're going to waste away into nothing! You look skinnier already! Doesn't he look skinnier, Prongs?"

"Yeah, you know what, he sort of-"

"I just moved in twenty minutes ago. I haven't even spent a single meal-time in my apartment yet!" Remus protested.

"Well, we're going to have to do something about that, aren't we? Who wants to go buy Moony some food?" Sirius asked, looking around expectantly as if waiting for someone to raise their hand and volunteer.

"Here Padfoot. Shut up and have a chocolate frog," Remus said, pushing the box over to him.

"Oh, if you insist… but you have to eat one, too."

Remus rolled his eyes, "Alright!" He chose a frog and took a bite, "happy?"

"No! Tonight is full moon! You need more! You need to eat real food!"

"You mean _you_ need to eat," Remus corrected.

"Well, that too… I'm ordering a pizza! Do you have any butter beer? Maybe even something a bit stronger?"

"Oh, come on, it isn't even lunch yet! This really is going to be like old times, isn't it?"

"You bet your tail it is!"

"What?"

"I said, 'you bet your-"

"I heard what you said."

"Well than why did you ask?"

"I was just wondering why you said it."

"Ah! Wouldn't you like to know!" Sirius said tapping his nose in an all-knowing way and gulping down a recently conjured drink.

"What!"

"I said, 'wouldn't you like to-"

"I heard what you said! Why did you say it?"

"I don't know! I don't remember what I said!"

"Moony, stop messing with Sirius's itsy-bitsy little brain and eat something, alright?"

"Yeah! Hey… wait a second…" Sirius said, trying to decide whether James had been insulting him. Remus rolled his eyes, but accepted a slice of the pizza James had summoned.

"Shall we apparate to Hogsmeade?" James suggested.

"Good idea, I don't want to ruin my brand new apartment…" Remus agreed.

"It'll be a lot more fun that way, too," James pointed out.

"Yes, but we can't go into the village. We'll have to stay in the shrieking shack."

"Why not? Don't be a spoilsport!" James whined.

"Hey! Who're you calling itsy-bitsy!" Sirius cried suddenly.

Remus sighed, "No more drinking for you, today, mister." Turning back to James he said, "We can't just wander around Hogsmeade! Do you know how dangerous that is?"

"We used to do it all the time!"

"We used to be complete idiots!"

"Used to be?" Sirius countered, everyone looked at him, startled by his sudden coherency, whether or not it was accidental.

"You know what, you're right! Who am I kidding? You still are complete idiots, but that doesn't change the fact that it would be really irresponsible and reckless if we set a grown werewolf on Hogsmeade!"

"That's what makes it fun!" James muttered. Remus glared at him, "Alright, alright! We won't go into Hogsmeade! But can we stay in the caves in the mountains on the outskirts of town? No one will find us there and we'll have some room to move around."

Remus considered this, "I suppose… As long as I couldn't hurt anyone… but you have to promise not to let me out of your sight!"

"Ok! We promise!" James said, throwing his hands up in surrender.

"Peter, if they try to go into Hogsmeade with me, you'll bite them, won't you?" Remus asked. Peter looked worried for a moment, but Remus didn't seem to require an answer so he went back to nibbling on his pizza.

"Don't worry, Moony! We won't let anything bad happen to you!" Sirius said, throwing his arm around Remus's neck.

"It's not me I'm worried about," Remus said darkly, but he let himself be dragged to the floor and stuffed with pizza and butter beer.

* * *

"Ouch! Sirius, watch who you apparate on top of!" 

"Peter, we're done. You can open your eyes now."

"Did anyone bring the chocolate frogs? Or the butter beer?"

"You can't drink butter beer while you're a dog!"

"Who says?"

The four marauders were making their way slowly up the overgrown trail towards the caves higher up. "Can we stop now?" Sirius whined.

"No! We've only just started! We'd better hurry up, too. It's getting late."

"Quit worrying, Remus!"

"I just don't want to start transforming here and bite you all to death!"

"Ah, Remus, you'd never bite us to death!"

"_I_ wouldn't, but Moony would…"

"Oh, shit! Look! The sun's gone!" James exclaimed. All of them glanced nervously at Remus.

"What are you waiting for? Turn into animagi, quick!" he exclaimed. They didn't need to be told twice. Peter had only just finished shrinking when a cloud drifted aside, shedding moonlight across the path and a low growl rumbled behind them. Padfoot, the great black dog, whirled around and grabbed Remus's suddenly very hairy arm in his teeth. Prongs cantered around to his back, nudging him forward with his antlered head. The werewolf struggled for a few moments, but with the combined efforts of Prongs and Padfoot he finnally continued his assent up the footpath.

When they reached a clearing and Prongs finally managed to prod Moony through the trees and into the grassy meadow, Padfoot ran around in circles, chasing his tail and eventually collapsing in a panting heap. Prongs, momentarily leaving a preoccupied Moony who was busy gnawing his own leg off, took this opportunity to give Padfoot a good jab with an antler. Yowling in surprise, Padfoot leapt up, whirling around to face his dear friend. Prongs had a quite unstaggish look on his face, suggesting that the poke had been in payback for the last time they'd transformed and Padfoot had felt inclined to leap onto an unsuspecting Prongs's back.

With a malicious, laugh-like bark, suggesting that Prongs was going to get it, Padfoot bounded forward, snapping at Prongs's hooves. Prongs took off across the field, galloping at full speed and always keeping just close enough to give Padfoot a sharp kick once in awhile. The friends were only roused from their fierce game of tag by an insistent squealing echoing across the clearing.

Glancing fearfully at Padfoot, the stag leapt back to where they had left their wolfish friend. Wormtail was the only one to be found, jumping up and down unrattishly and squeaking as loud as he could. Padfoot gently seized the rat in his jaws and took off down the slope, following Moony's distinct smell. In the distance was the sound of a howl, ringing eerily through the night.

Putting on a burst of speed, Padfoot wheeled around a bend in the trail. Trotting ever closer to the village was the werewolf, sniffing the air eagerly. Padfoot took a second to thank Merlin that he was upwind before loping quickly up behind his friend and propelling himself onto Moony's back. The werewolf snarled and snapped at Padfoot, wriggling and thrashing about, trying to dislodge him. Wormtail, who'd been roughly dropped to the ground, ran off into the nearest clump of bushes squealing piteously.

Prongs suddenly cantered out to meet them. He'd had some difficulty leaping down the steep hill, but he was here now and he immediately jumped into the battle, screeching to a halt and whirling around to face the struggling wolf. Locking eyes with him, Prongs stood his ground, desperately searching for the Remus he was certain was hidden within. The werewolf calmed, a soft growl still reverberating in his throat.

With great effort the friends at last coaxed Moony back up into the hills and away from the village. When Wormtail was sure the Prongs and Padfoot had Moony back under control, he crept after them, drying himself of dog spit and shooting worried glances back at the houses of the village where he was sure he'd seen a light come on in one of the windows.

* * *

"I can't believe it! I can't believe you let me do that!" 

"Calm down, Remus! It was an accident!"

"I knew I shouldn't have gone into the hills! I should have stayed in the shrieking shack!" Remus was very pale and exhausted looking, but he was absolutely furious at his friends and refused to have any toast shoved down his throat.

James, who looked absolutely miserable, tried again to apologize, "I'm really sorry! It won't ever happen again! You just seemed really busy and I didn't think you were going anywhere!"

"Have you learned nothing after all these years? You never trust a werewolf!" Remus exclaimed, pushing away Sirius, who was prodding bits of egg into his mouth every time he opened it.

"Look, mate," Sirius said, setting aside the eggs, "I know I can't trust that werewolf, but I'm so used to being able to trust my Remus that sometimes I forget, you know?" Suddenly adopting a tone of mock reverence, Sirius knelt by Remus's feet, clasping his hands together, "I have broken my promise to you. Will you ever please, please, _please_, forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you," Remus said, softening. "And stop that, you smell like wet dog," he added, pushing Sirius's hands off his shoulders .

Sirius chose to ignore this remark. "Did you hear, Prongs? He forgave us! I don't know what I'd do without my furry little friend!" Sirius cried, reaching out to pinch Remus's nose and put another piece of toast into his mouth. Like lightening, Remus ducked out of his reach, clamping his mouth shut.

"I can feed myself, thanks," he said, selecting half a piece of toast and a bit of bacon.

Grudgingly Sirius turned back to his own eggs. "Shall we start on that report for the Order?" James suggested.

"We'd better," Remus said, clearing James's and Peter's plates. "We're supposed to have it in tomorrow."

Sirius moaned, "It's like being in school, again!"

"Dumbledore did warn us, you know."

"Yes, but I never supposed being in the Order would really take this much writing," James put in.

"Me neither," Peter agreed, helping Remus fetch the parchment and quills.

Sirius, who seemed to have resigned himself to an afternoon of work, was busy digging through another unemptied box. After several valuable books and a good set of brass scales had been tossed across the room, Remus at last inquired as to what Sirius was looking for.

"Butter beer," Sirius said, as if this were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Butter beer? Are you kidding me?"

"I'm thirsty!" he elaborated.

"I give up!" Remus sighed, putting his head in his hands, "I give up!"

**A/N:** **Thanks for reading, hope you liked it! Please**** review!**


	5. Chapter 5

"How many people are here today?" Alice called, sticking her head around the corner and trying to count everyone. She and Dorcas Meadowes were in the kitchen, making dinner for the rather large group gathered at the Order tonight. Word had gotten around about the new members, and although they weren't exactly 'new' anymore, there were still many people in the Order who they hadn't yet met. Everyone had decided to spend Halloween at the headquarters, catching up on the latest news and enjoying one carefree night.

Benjy and Emmeline were leading Sirius, Peter, Remus, Lily and James around, introducing them to all people whom they had yet to meet. "That's Mad-Eye Moody, right there," Benjy said, pointing. "His eye creeps me out a bit…"

"Benjy!" Emmeline said sternly, "His real name is Alastor," she explained, "He's an amazing Auror. He's caught tons of dark wizards…"

Mad-Eye Moody turned, "Were you mentioning me, Fenwick?" he grunted.

"N-no, sir," Benjy said, nervously.

"We were just going to introduce our newest members to you, actually," Emmeline said.

"He can see through the back of his head," Benjy whispered into Sirius's ear.

Emmeline glanced at Benjy strictly, "Lily Evans, this is Alastor Moody. James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin…" Each person shook hands with Moody as they were introduced, "And Sirius Black." Moody raised his eyebrows slightly, and Sirius looked him defiantly in the eyes, or rather the eye, as the other of his eyes, a strange electric blue one, was whizzing around in every direction, and it was difficult for Sirius to follow it without feeling rather dizzy.

Moody gripped Sirius's hand firmly, however, and greeted him as politely as he had anybody else. "Benjy!" Alice was calling, "Come here and help me with these trays!"

"Sorry!" Benjy chirped, looking rather relieved to be rescued from Moody, "I'd better go help!"

Emmeline rolled her eyes and lead them over to the fireplace where several people were gathered, watching two young wizards with identical dark hair and faces demonstrate trick bookmarks, which proceeded to eat whatever book they were placed in.

"You've met Gideon and Fabian Prewett?" Emmeline asked, the marauders nodded and watched eagerly as the brothers advertised fake rolls of parchment which disappeared as soon as you touch them.

"Hello, James, mate!" Gideon called happily, "Sirius!" He slung an arm around Remus's neck and dragged them all over to the low coffee table where they were displaying a large number of magical pranks.

"Look at this!" Fabian exclaimed, showing them a map that would change the names of cities and countries around whenever you weren't looking, "Very useful little thing! I'll give it to you cheap!"

"Not right now, Fabian," Emmeline said, pulling them away. "Dinner is nearly ready, anyway," she added, looking disdainfully at the brothers' collection.

Everyone was quite used to the Prewett brothers' pranks and demonstrations. They'd originally been assigned to experiment with different defensive objects that the Order might be able to use, such as reliable shield charms and cheaper invisibility products, but they'd been sidetracked and were now considering a career in selling their newly invented merchandise. Everyone knew they weren't serious about this, however; the Prewetts were talented wizards and they were passionate about the Order. They'd only started the joke materials after they'd finished a whole line of protective gear with new spells on it that no one had even thought of countercharms for yet.

Besides, before this, the brothers had been assigned to track down Voldemort's spies using complicated spells to reveal disguised death eaters, and they'd begun writing a completely useless book on 101 ways to recognize a death eater. The book was useless because most of the 101 ways were things like 'tug their beards' or 'see if they've got the dark mark tattooed on their arm'. The brothers had decided to keep the real ways to recognize a death eater to themselves, one, because most of the charms included were much too difficult for your average citizen to perform and two, because if they'd explained the real ways, what would there be left for the Order to do? They'd considered selling their useless book too, but eventually they'd decided it was pointless and not particularly helpful to the Order so they'd done away with the idea and moved on to their next project.

"Enjoying yourselves?" Dumbledore asked, appearing behind them. Everyone nodded enthusiastically. People were beginning to edge toward the kitchen hopefully, and Sirius, after a furtive glance at their former headmaster had begun to sneak after them.

Catching him, Dumbledore laughed, "I won't keep you from your dinner…"

Mad-Eye Moody, however, it seemed would. He insisted that they all check the food carefully before eating it, so as to be sure it hadn't been poisoned by some rampaging death eater, and then just when they were about to sit down, Edgar Bones announced that since they were so seldom all gathered together they ought to properly document it. All of the less hungry people were in favor of this idea and soon everyone had been positioned in the great room. Someone found a camera, which Moody set up and they all were forced to smile and wave while picture after picture was taken.

Sirius was put between Dorcas Meadowes who was still holding a bowl of gravy which she'd been carrying to the table and Dumbledore's brother, Alberforth, who smelled strongly of goat dung. He ended up being very hungry while at the same time rather losing his appetite, and the whole thing made him a bit sick to his stomach, so he supposed he probably had a rather strange look on his face. All well, hopefully he'd never have to look at a copy of the picture…

**A/N: I thought I'd add this in just for fun. When you're risking your life on a daily basis you need some humor, so I decided to give the marauders a break and put in a fun chapter... Thank you sososososososososo much to everyone who's reviewed and anyone who's**** even**** just read, though you might want to consider reviewing! Please? lol**  



	6. Chapter 6

"Damn it!" Remus swore loudly. James, Sirius, and Peter turned to gape at him.

"Whoa! Where did that come from?" James asked, peering over Remus's shoulder at the newspaper he was holding. Remus was staring at the page as though the article had done him great personal wrong.

"Look! Look! Look what we've done!" Remus said, jabbing his finger at the page, "See that? See? That's what we get for being so careless! Dumbledore'll know it was me! That was completely reckless!"

James pried the paper away from Remus. He scanned the page, his face growing more and more worried as he read. Sirius reached over to pull the paper out of James's hands. "Unconfirmed sighting, blah blah blah… Hogsmeade… Accompanied by… blah blah blah… Oh, phew! You had me worried for a second!"

James stared at Sirius quizzically. Peter, who'd just finished reading, eyed Sirius as if worried he might have lost his mind.

"And now that you've read it your not worried? This has relieved you because…?" Remus asked, looking skeptically at Sirius.

"It's no big deal. Just some loony who thinks they saw a werewolf, it happens all the time. It's nothing to get all worked up about."

"No big deal? Are you joking? Sirius, look! It was in Hogsmeade on the night we were there! It says here 'sighted with a large black dog'! This isn't a coincidence! It has to be me!"

"So? They've got no proof!"

"Do you realize I am a registered werewolf? Do you know what that means? They have my name at the ministry! They have records of all my activities! They're bound to find out!"

Sirius looked concerned for a second, and went back to scrutinizing the text. "Wait, look at this! It pretty much says they're sure this guy is completely mad. He sees at least three werewolves a month and he doesn't call it a week until he's seen a dragon, a giant, an escaped dementor and a wanted death eater. They're not at all surprised that he's seen a mad werewolf and a rampaging grimm!"

Remus grabbed the paper back, reading the passage Sirius had pointed out. Slowly the color came back into his face and he relaxed his tense grip on James's arm. "Well… I guess…"

"Don't worry; they're not even looking into it! Why do you think it wasn't in the paper until they were low on news? It's been almost three weeks!"

"Yes… but this can never happen again! Do you know what might've happened if I'd been sighted by a credible witness?"

"They don't throw people in Azkaban just for being glimpsed at full moon!"

"If you're a werewolf they do! You've seen what's been going on at the ministry lately! People are terrified! They'd be glad to kill me if they had a chance!"

"Remus, look at me. I am really, really sorry for what happened, but no one is going to kill you while we're still alive," Sirius said earnestly, gripping Remus's arm.

A small smile crept on to Remus's face. He nodded slightly, meeting Sirius's eyes. "I know."

"We'll always be there for you, Moony," James added.

"I'll always be there for all of you!" Peter put in.

"We'll all be there for each other. Always. No matter what," James said, nodding.

"No matter what," Remus repeated.

"Nothing bad is ever going to happen as long as we still have each other."

**A/N: I know, very short... but sweet I hope? Please review! Thanks to everyone whos been reading!**  



	7. Chapter 7

"Lily's mad at me!" James cried miserably.

"What for?" Remus asked.

"Probably because he's a useless git," Sirius said knowingly.

James didn't reply, he just looked forlornly at the snow-covered path they were following. Looking worried Sirius said hurriedly, "I was only joking, mate!"

"Why's Lily mad at you, James?" Remus asked again.

"I don't know!" James wailed piteously, "I wasn't paying attention! I was too worried about her arguing with me to notice what she was arguing about!"

"And he's had such an improvement since Lily started liking him!" Sirius complained, "All that progress gone! Right down the toilet! Whoosh!"

"This is horrible!" James moaned, apparently not hearing Sirius.

"You're complaining? What about me? Now I'll have to hear you whining about Lily again and I've had a good seven years of that! I don't need anymore!"

"Look, James, I'm sure if you just apologize Lily will get over it!" Remus said comfortingly.

"No," James sighed, "Not Lily. I must have done something awful!"

"Yeah, you're being punished for torturing us with seven years of Lily-gossip!" Sirius informed James.

"Yeah, I probably am," James said distantly as he shuffled despondently toward the Order headquarters. Remus and Sirius stopped and gaped at each other.

"Wow. He must be really depressed!" Sirius exclaimed, suddenly somber.

"Come on, let's go!" Remus said, grabbing Sirius's arm and pulling him after James. When they got to the door, they found it blocked by a massive Christmas tree. Muffled voices sounded behind it.

"Ouch! Frank, would you watch out?"

"That's Gideon! He's trying to levitate it upstairs!"

"Well it's not working! Bring it to the left, it's blocking the door."

"Oh, sorry, I'll move it."

"To the left, bring it to the left. The left! I said left! Not right, left!"

The tree shot out through the door, knocking Sirius to the ground and showering pine needles across the snow.

"Woops."

"_Your_ left. _My_ right."

"Sorry."

The tree had landed in a snow bank several feet away. Remus, who had ducked just in time, glanced first at it, then at an apparently unconscious Sirius on the ground, and finally to the two identical heads of the Prewett brothers peering apologetically out from behind the doorframe.

"Sorry, Remus, mate," Fabian said.

"We've had a bit of an accident."

"No kidding," Frank said, appearing in the door way.

"Is that Sirius?" Joanna asked suddenly, pointing at the collapsed heap at the foot of the steps.

"Er… yeah. It is," Remus said, bending over to inspect his friend.

"Is he drunk or something?" asked Joanna.

"No. They got him with a Christmas tree," Remus said.

Fabian and Gideon exchanged rueful glances before bounding down the steps and heaving Sirius to his feet. "Alright there Sirius?"

"Whoa. What happened?" Sirius asked dizzily.

"Bit of a mishap…"

"More like a disaster, really," Joanna said, taking Sirius's other arm. "It's a good thing you're here, though! We're going to need more decorators as Fabian and Gideon have just failed miserably."

"Oh, come on now!" Gideon exclaimed, "That's a bit harsh, isn't it?"

"We can levitate Christmas baubles just fine! It's the trees we've got a problem with!"

"Well at least you can't knock anyone out with an ornament," Remus said.

Joanna laughed, "Oh, trust me, Gideon and Fabian will find a way!"

"Here Sirius, since I can't seem to trust anyone to levitate it, I need someone tall to put the star on top of this tree," Alice said, gesturing to the only already decorated tree sitting in the kitchen. Enchanted icicles hung from its bows and little fairies darted amongst the branches.

"Wha…?" Sirius asked dazedly.

"Wait a second, where'd the star go?" Alice demanded.

Gideon and Fabian blushed shamefully. "What did you do?" Joanna ordered.

"Well…" Gideon explained, "We made it hover over the door so it would stick to the next person's head who came in."

"But now it's gone…" Fabian said, glancing worriedly outside.

"Maybe it stuck to the tree?" Frank suggested.

"No, someone must have come in before. It's not on Sirius or Remus…"

"James!" Remus exclaimed. "He came in before us!"

"Where is he?" Alice asked, glancing into kitchen.

"Is Lily here?" Remus asked, "That's where he'll be."

"Yes, she was in the den, reading," Joanna said, leading them over to the door.

Lily was laughing hysterically at James who was half-smiling as if he wasn't sure what was going on.

Perched on James's head was the star. "You're not mad at James?" Remus asked, staring perplexedly at the two.

"How can I be mad at someone who comes in and begs me for forgiveness while he's got a Christmas star on his head?" Lily asked, finally controlling her laughter.

"You're not mad?" James asked as if he didn't believe his ears.

"Of course not! I was just upset that you weren't listening to me earlier when I was trying to talk to you."

"Oh! I'll never do it again!" James exclaimed happily, throwing his arms around Lily.

"How did you do that? You had that thing on your head but you looked so serious!" Lily laughed.

"On my head?" James asked, reaching up. "What the…?"

Remus reached over to take star. He tugged sharply, but only managed to nearly pull James off the floor. "It won't come off!"

"Let me try!" said Sirius, suddenly revived at the opportunity to tug on James's head. Sirius placed a muddy, booted, foot on James's shoulder and yanked on the star.

"Ouch! I think you've pulled something in my neck!" James whined, rubbing his neck.

Gideon and Fabian meanwhile, were trying to cover up their obvious amusement by looking apologetic and tip toeing toward the door.

"What did you do to that star?" Joanna asked in a deadly whisper.

"Uh… Weeeellll… I think…"

"Um… I… can't quite remember!" Gideon exclaimed. "Do you remember, Fabian?"

"No, definitely not! You know, so much to do, so much to see… you lose track sometimes!"

"Tell me what you used to stick that star to James's head!"

"Well, technically _we _didn't actually directly stick it to _James's_ head…"

"James just happened to walk through the door and-"

"Why is there a bloody Christmas star stuck to my head?" James shouted at the Prewetts, getting fed up.

"That, James, is a very good question that I was just about to ask, myself," Dumbledore said, suddenly appearing at the door. "I'd come to check up on the Christmas preparations and I found the door open and a Christmas tree in the snow! I thought you had all been attacked until I luckily heard James shouting just now."

"It won't come off!" James exclaimed desperately. "They did it," he pointed an accusing finger at the Prewetts, "and now they won't tell me how they got it to stick on in the first place!"

"Well! We'll just have to ask them again to tell us why the Christmas star refuses to be parted with James's head!" Dumbledore looked as though he was very much enjoying himself as he turned to the Prewett brothers. "Now Fabian, Gideon, a good prank is often quite enjoyable and amusing. I like a little fun myself every now and then." Sirius snorted audibly.

"But, when the time comes for the effects of the practical joke to be reversed, it is generally considered common courtesy for the jokers to tell the jokee how the joke was originally played."

"Well… We might have used a permanent sticking charm…"

"And we might not have!"

But Fabian quickly gave in under the penetrating gaze of Joanna who was glaring over Dumbledore's shoulder.

"We were just doing a bit of experimenting!"

"What? Trying to see what would happen when someone walks round with a Christmas star on his head all day, were you?" James said in a threatening whisper.

"No! Not at all! No harm intended! We can get it off!"

"No harm- but you, you-"

"I think the best solution at this point," Dumbledore intervened, "would be if the Prewett brothers kindly removed the star from James's head so that Alice could put it on the top of the only tree you've managed to decorate so far. I presume that is what you initially intended?"

Alice nodded. "I'd also suggest we get decorating if you hope to be finished by tomorrow. Thus far it appears you've only finished one tree, albeit a very beautiful one."

"We can blame Gideon and Fabian for that one as well," put in Frank.

"Regardless," Dumbledore said, "we'd better hurry and finish up. I think Alastor Moody and Emmeline Vance, among others, mean to join you for Christmas and I do hope that we can provide at least two well-decorated Christmas trees and some enchanted snow flakes."

Fabian and Gideon forlornly held out the newly detached star to Alice. "Thank you," Joanna said, rolling her eyes.

When everyone had trouped back into the great room, they found that Dumbledore had conjured another Christmas tree. Joanna, Remus, and Sirius were assigned to decorating it, while Alice, Frank, James and Lily were sent to the second floor landing to put up another tree. Dumbledore, meanwhile, wandered merrily about the house, whistling to himself as he strung up icicles and enlarged snowflakes.

Gideon and Fabian were demoted to baking gingerbread cookies.

That evening everyone sat in the great room, worn out but satisfied with their work. Great pine branches adorned the banisters and snowflakes the size of dinner plates that would never melt floated lazily down from the ceiling, vanishing upon contact with the floor and appearing once more near the roof.

The cookies had surprisingly turned out quite well, though Fabian and Gideon hadn't been able to resist charming them to try and run away whenever you reached for one. At any rate, everyone was glad to be able to relax with a cup of tea after the busy day. Dumbledore dissaparated with the promise of returning to spend a few hours of Christmas with everyone the next day. As the fire died and began to splutter out, the exhausted Order members all wandered slowly off to bed.

Sirius resignedly flicked his wand at the last of the gifts he had for his friends, instructing them to 'wrap'. Carefully supervising a bow that was curling itself around a new box of chocolate frogs for Remus, he thought about what a wonderful Christmas he was having. He hadn't spent Christmas anywhere but Hogwarts for the past seven years. Before that, Christmas had been a dismal affair and he'd thought nothing would ever compare to the experience he had at Hogwarts every December. However, this holiday season was coming awfully close. Despite being knocked out by a Christmas tree earlier, he really had had one of the best Christmas Eves he'd ever experienced, and, he thought as he captured and bit into the last of the struggling gingerbread men, he expected Christmas day to be at least as good, if not better.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Show some appreciation and review! Review even if you're not showing appreciation and you think it totally sucks! Thanks to _Evenstar_, who's loyally reviewed every single chapter, whether or not she's got something nice to say, lol.**  



	8. Chapter 8

Two of the marauders lay draped over Remus's sofa, feigning exhaustion after putting the last bag of groceries in Remus's overflowing kitchen.

"What time is it?" Remus asked, prodding James with his toe. James pretended to be asleep. Remus grabbed his arm and twisted his wrist around to see his watch.

"It's late. You guys should go."

Sirius moaned and took another swig from his butter beer. "Too… tired!"

"No you aren't! Get up!" No one moved. Exasperated, Remus picked up a large bag of dirty robes. "If you don't get your lazy butts off my couch right now, I won't do your laundry while you're gone!"

"Alright, alright!" James exclaimed, pulling himself to his feet. "Jeez! Chill, we're going!"

Remus tossed the sack of dirty clothes at Sirius who still hadn't moved. "You know, I have the strangest feeling that you want us to leave!" Sirius said as he slowly pushed the laundry bag away.

"Yeah!" James put in, "It sounds like he wants to send us to our deaths!"

"I don't, I just don't want it to be my fault that you're late."

"It won't be. Remember? Everything's always our fault."

"Yes, but you were doing my shopping."

"Aha!" James exclaimed knowledgably, "That reminds me! Sirius?" Sirius nodded and stood.

"Ahem! Now, Mr. Moony, I want you to listen very carefully," Sirius said sternly, pointing an accusing finger at Remus in a very intimidating way, "When we come back there should be absolutely no food left in this apartment. Is that clear?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "You bought me enough to last a week!"

"Well, we might be gone for a week!" James exclaimed.

"No you won't. You're just searching an ex-death eater's house to make sure there's nothing dangerous left over. Stop being so dramatic."

"Remus," Sirius said solemnly, "We might die."

"No you won't! This isn't a dangerous mission. If it were, Dumbledore wouldn't have sent you to deal with it."

"Hey, are you trying to say something?"

"Maybe I am!" Remus teased.

"Ah, he's just jealous that it's us going and not him, Padfoot!"

"Look, I already have my orders from Dumbledore and they're a lot more important than searching some dead guy's house!" Remus countered.

"He might not be dead! We'll have to do some serious sleuthing to find out what happened after this acclaimed death eater decided to stop working for Voldemort!"

"Oh, well than, good luck with your sleuthing."

"Thanks," James said.

"We'll need it," Sirius put in darkly. Remus rolled his eyes again.

"We've told Peter to check in on you!" James said, "Make sure you're eating and all!"

"I was serious about it all being gone when we come back!"

"But, Sirius, you bought me _dog food_. And I don't even _have_ a dog!"

Sirius shrugged, "Good protein!"

"I don't care! I'm not eating dog food!" Remus exclaimed as Sirius slung his back pack over his shoulder and pulled on his coat.

"It really doesn't taste that bad!" Sirius said as he and James started for the door.

"How would you know?" Remus cried, disgusted, as he followed them to the door.

Sirius reeled around to face Remus, his hands against the door frame. "Um, duh, I am a dog!"

"Um, gross," Remus said, as the door closed in his face and he was left alone in his apartment.

All of the marauders knew how dangerous working with the order was. No one ever mentioned it; it was just something that was there, like being illegal animagis. Remus spent his time working with werewolves, convincing them not to join Voldemort and educating people about werewolves. It was long, difficult and dangerous work and it very rarely paid off.

Although they joked about it lightly, inspecting a rumored death eater's home was no laughing matter. No one knew what might be waiting for the Order members who went to survey the scene. For all they knew, James and Sirius could be walking straight into a trap.

If you thought about things like that, though, you'd only end up going crazy with worry.

**A/N: Yes, I know, once again it's very short. But at least I updated surprisingly quickly, right? lol, well thank you for reading and for the reviews!**  



	9. Chapter 9

Remus carefully reread James's hastily scrawled letter, hoping for some hint as to how things had gone. It was written on a bit of torn parchment on which only two sentences had been messily printed.

'_We've finished, be home tomorrow. Meet us at Sirius's as soon as you can. –James_'

Nothing. It told him nothing. Remus shook his head to clear it and then stood. It was 10:00 and Remus supposed he'd best get a move on. There was nothing saying it hadn't gone perfectly fine. Most likely it had been just a routine search. They had only been gone two days, after all.

If everything was fine, Sirius was certain to go straight to Remus's if Remus didn't arrive by 10:30 at the very latest. And Remus definitely did not want Sirius coming to visit him. He had barely finished a quarter of the food.

Remus felt for his wand in his pocket and quickly apparated into Sirius's dark living room, throwing aside the courtesy that required he apparate outside and then ask to be let in.

James sat alone on the couch, eating a cauldron cake and staring at the ceiling. "Remus!" he exclaimed. "Thank Merlin you're here! I don't think I could've coped on my own much longer!"

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, "Where's Sirius?"

"He said he was going to unpack, but he's been gone nearly fifteen minutes now and all he had was his backpack! How long could it take?"

"Well, why don't we go and get him then?" Remus asked, feeling he was missing something.

"I think he wants to be alone. He's been acting funny all day. Thought he hated that little prat! I would've guessed they were best mates by the way he's been going on!"

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked.

James sighed, "That death eater whose home we were searching, turns out he tried to leave Voldemort."

"Oh. He was killed then?"

"It's worse…"

"Worse than being dead?" Remus asked, "What are you getting at?"

"Oh no, he was dead all right. It wasn't pretty," James grimaced at the memory, "but… well, the death eater… It was Regulus. Sirius's brother."

"Oh… Oh no…" Remus breathed, "that's awful!"

"What do you mean? It's not like Sirius liked the poor blighter! He was his brother, for Merlin's sake!"

"Exactly! James, you're about as understanding as a-"

"But Sirius hated the guy! Why's he gone all brotherly now that he's dead?"

"Well, they're still family! And this is probably making him think back over his childhood. I mean imagine how his parents will be now. For once, Regulus went and did something against them! And it's always been Sirius! Sirius has always been the rebel, the, er, white sheep, so to speak. Just try and consider how he-"

But at this point Sirius came thumping loudly down the stairs. Remus and James both froze and tried to pretend they hadn't just been talking about him.

Sirius glared around darkly, he was obviously in a foul mood, but Remus thought he might have seen gratefulness flash across Sirius's face when his eyes met Remus's.

"Hello," Remus said hopefully. Sirius only grunted and sat back in an armchair. It was deadly silent for a minute or so.

At last Sirius said quietly, "I never liked him."

Remus and James looked up, surprised to hear Sirius. "I always knew he was a no good, brainwashed, stuck up little coward." Sirius sat in silence for another moment, as if contemplating what else he could say about Regulus.

"Filth," he spat, "Think of what my mother will do. Ha! She'll probably die! Poor little Regulus! Forgoing the family honor? Oh, I'd give anything to see her face! What she'll do to him!" Sirius's faced clouded, "but of course… he's already dead. Not much else she can do, is there?"

"But I don't care," Sirius laughed bitterly, "Got what was coming to him, didn't he? Serves him right!"

"He wasn't like this before…" James said in an undertone to Remus, looking quite alarmed at Sirius's behavior.

Sirius was on his feet now, "I hated him. Rotten little pureblood!" Sirius spoke with the same resentful contempt he always used when he talked about his family. Tension was building rapidly in the room; James and Remus exchanged worried glances.

"I hated him! The coward! The bastard!" A mug on the table glowed red and then smashed into a million tiny pieces. James jumped. Sirius took no notice. "He thought he was so great! Well, I hated him! I _hated_ him!"

Remus stood up, walking slowly toward Sirius, who didn't seem to remember anyone else was there. "The idiot! Coward!" He kicked the tea table furiously and sent it crashing to the ground, "Good riddance! I _hate_ him!" Sirius dissolved, collapsing into the chair behind him.

"Good riddance," he said again. Remus placed a comforting hand on his back. James sat awkwardly on the couch, unsure what to do. "Good riddance," Sirius whispered.

"I'm sorry," Remus said quietly, "Really, I am."

Sirius just shook his head, unable to say anymore. Memory after memory of his lonely childhood flooded him. Year after year of his parents always taking Regulus's side in every argument. Night after night of his drunk father coming home and sending every curse and hex he could think of at his favorite target, his eldest son, Sirius. Day after day of his insane mother, wandering about the house, shrieking awful curse words about her favorite subjects, muggles, muggle borns, and Sirius. Christmas days where Regulus always seemed to get just the present Sirius had been hoping for. Family gatherings where everyone marveled over adorable Regulus, while Sirius was pushed to the side. Forced to spend afternoons playing with his awful cousins whose favorite form of entertainment was coming up with new ways to torture Sirius. Feeling alone and different, like he'd never fit in. At last Sirius arrived on his very first days at Hogwarts.

It was then that he looked up to find Remus kneeling by him, peering worriedly into his eyes, and James standing uncertainly to the side, looking concerned and wondering whether to reach out or not. Sirius finally managed a smile.

"It's alright. You're my family, now. You're my brothers, not him."

**A/N: And thus I've proved (I hope) that I cannot only write light, happy, fluffy, stuff, but also more 'gasp Voldemort! Dah dah daaaah!' stuff as well. Although, on the whole, I'd have to say I prefer cheerier things. lol, anyway, moving on, I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter more than I enjoyed writing it, but we are at war here after all. It can't all be happy. Please review! Whether or not you enjoyed it!**  



	10. Chapter 10

"So… What shall we do this summer?" Sirius asked merrily, pushing aside the scroll he'd long ago given up work on.

"You know we can't go anywhere. We have things to do for the Order," Remus said, not looking up from his report.

"Why do you always have to do that? Just go ahead, rain on my parade!" Sirius exclaimed, standing up and stretching. "Why does he always do that?" he asked James.

James shrugged and continued chewing on the end of his quill. After a moment, Sirius gave up on James and turned to Peter, "What about you? What would you like to do this summer?"

Peter looked slightly nervous about being asked his opinion, especially because he was right in the middle of translating a report from Germany and it wasn't going very well. "Er… I thought we weren't allowed to do anything. I thought we had to work for the Order all summer."

"You three are the biggest bunch of party poopers I have ever met!" Sirius said, wandering into the kitchen to find something to eat. Peter shrugged and returned to his translation. Remus and James didn't even show any signs that they'd been listening.

"I mean, come on!" Sirius said, returning from the kitchen with a bunch of pumpkin pasties in his hand and mouth. "Just because we're in this organization thing, fighting Voldemort, doesn't mean we aren't entitled to a little fun!"

Sirius sat in silence for a minute, possibly hoping that someone might give any reaction. "Are you even listening to me? I really don't think you are. This is just ridiculous! Look at you! It's taking over your lives! Your minds! All this work, it's hypnotizing you!" Sirius glanced around the living room again. No one looked up.

"You are getting very sleepy!" he exclaimed. No one paid him the slightest bit of attention. Sirius tended to get bored of writing reports very quickly. He really wasn't the sort of person who could sit around fiddling with ancient spells all day. He was built for action. He was the kind of person you wanted to have on your side in a fight and he enjoyed trying to annoy the hell out of everyone whenever he took one of his self-allowed breaks.

"This is bad, really bad," Sirius said. He was becoming almost foolishly optimistic at this point. Everyone had pretty much learned how to tune him out by now.

"I could say anything I wanted about you and you wouldn't even notice. In fact I think I will. Let me start with James. James is such a stuck up, four-eyed know it all! And he thinks he can play quidditch! Ha! He's dillusional! What a loser! Don't you agree Remus?" Sirius looked expectantly at Remus who, of course, made no reply.

"Uh huh, that's what I thought. Ok, it's your turn then. Ahem, Remus is such a clumsy, brainy, idiotic moron whose always got his nose stuck in a book!" Still there was no reply.

Sirius was starting to get a little bored. It really drained him when he wasn't in the limelight for elongated periods of time. Gently he tapped Remus with his foot, "Ahem, my dirty little half-breed… How are things going for you? Huh? How's that report going? Filthy little…" Sirius leaned close to Remus's ear and hissed, "_werewolf_."

"What?" Remus asked, startled out of his concentration. Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "What did you just say, you stinking blood traitor?"

"Why you little…" Sirius leapt at Remus, scattering papers everywhere. "Take that back!" Sirius exclaimed.

"No!" Remus choked through his laughter, "Not until _you_ take back what _you_ said!"

"Never!" Sirius said, pinning his friend back against the couch, "besides, it got your attention, didn't it?"

"Alright, alright, I give up!" Remus gasped, "You're smothering me!"

"Sirius!" a disgruntled James snapped angrily, "I'm trying to get some work done!"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk! James you really need a break. The stress is getting to you!"

"Yeah, well it wouldn't be if you'd shut up and quit playing with Remus!"

"Ooooh! He's asking for it! James, my man, I would have shown you mercy, but you've gone too far!" Sirius exclaimed, releasing Remus and lunging for James.

James made a valiant effort to keep a straight face but he soon gave in and pushed Sirius off, throwing his report to the ground. "Pass me a pumpkin pasty," he said in a defeated voice. Sirius obliged, satisfied now that he had managed to thoroughly distract his friends.

"I'm serious, though," he said, bringing the conversation back to the idea of a vacation over the summer.

"Yes, and I'm James."

Sirius threw a book at him, "Just for that you're not getting any more of my pasties."

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry!"

"Too bad. It's too late now. Anyway, I've been thinking, we really do need to go on holiday. The Order isn't too busy now. I'm sure they could spare us for a week or so. There isn't _that _much that needs to be done."

"How would you know?" Remus asked, "You never do any of it!"

"You're not getting a pumpkin pasty either, Mister Moony!"

"I didn't want one. Besides, it's my house. I'll get myself some if I want to."

Sirius pouted, "Quit trying to outsmart me!"

"Well, it's not very hard. I often do it by accident," James put in.

"Anyway, back to taking a vacation," Remus said quickly, trying to save James from having another book thrown at his head, "What do you call New Years?"

"Well, granted," Sirius said, "that was one hell of a party. But what we all need is some time off! A chance to relax!"

Remus snorted, "I doubt anything with you around would be a chance to relax!"

Sirius shrugged, "Maybe not. But really, we do need a good time! And I'd at least be sure to provide that!"

"What exactly do you have in mind?" James ask, starting to warm to the idea.

"Hmmm… something tropical, for certain. Why don't you leave it up to me? I can arrange everything!"

"I'm really not sure that's such a good idea," Remus said.

"What? Me arranging things or us going on vacation?"

"Both."

"Peter thinks it's a good idea! Don't you?" Sirius asked him.

Peter shrugged but he couldn't hide his enthusiasm. A vacation sounded like an excellent suggestion to him

What finally convinced Remus in the end however, was Sirius's enthusiasm. Despite his resentment toward Regulus, losing his brother had been a blow to him. He'd been in sort of a state of shock ever since. It wasn't that he hadn't taken every chance he could to be the center of attention. He just had done it in a more desperate way than ever before. The difference was almost undetectable, but perceptive Remus had noticed it. Perhaps this break would do Sirius some good.

**A/N: Thanks so much to reviewers and readers! _Evenstar_,_ up on the_** _**rooftop**_**and _jnglkat_ to name some! **


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I'm really sorry for taking so long! I really hate it when people don't update quickly and I promised myself I wouldn't make anyone wait, so I sincerely apologize! I hope you forgive me!**

"Well… It didn't go, er… exactly as planned…" Sirius said thoughtfully in reply to Joanna.

"So it wasn't the restful vacation you'd hoped for, then?"

"Restful? It was about as far from restful as you could get!" James exclaimed, "It went… It didn't… It was a- a-"

"Complete disaster?" Remus offered, looking up from his book.

"Exactly!"

"Remus didn't have the best time… but it wasn't actually that bad. I wouldn't call it a complete disaster…" said Sirius.

"That's because none of the disastrous things happened to _you_!" James countered.

"What went wrong?" Joanna asked.

"Try everything," Remus said, "Every little thing that could possibly go wrong, went wrong."

"Like what?" Sirius asked indignantly.

"Hmmm, well let's start with your brilliant idea…" James said.

"Apparently the government no longer authorizes portkeys going overseas. And it was much too far to apparate."

"Yeah, and so Mr. Intelligent here decided we ought to take muggle transportation instead."

"I admit it wasn't one of my more genius ideas, but still…"

"Actually, the plane ride itself wasn't that bad. It was getting onto the plane that was the problem."

"Speak for yourself," Remus moaned, still clutching his stomach at the memory.

James rolled his eyes, "Well sure, I prefer broomsticks but…"

"Tell her what happened at those security things!" Sirius chortled.

"You wouldn't be laughing if it'd happened to you!"

"Yes I would."

"Well you won't be laughing anymore when I hex you into oblivion!" James threatened.

"Alright, alright! Just tell her!"

"Well, I had a wizgidget in my pocket and this alarm thingy got set off. So then all these guys came running with these muggle versions of secrecy sensors and they started poking me all over and everyone was staring at us."

Sirius laughed heartily, "And they were about to find a picture of Lily that was in James's back pocket when Remus levitated it out. You know, because it moves and all, they would have had to have their memories modified if they'd seen it."

"Then we thought we were late for our plane, so we ran all the way to there only to discover it'd already left," James continued.

"Only to then discover we were at the wrong gate and we had to run all the way back to the other end of the airport," Remus said with a small chuckle, "That part was a bit funny, really."

"But then," James persisted, determined to prove the horror of their trip, "our plane was three hours delayed!"

"And then Peter got lost," Sirius sniggered.

"Yes, he went to the bathroom and he didn't find his way back until we were about to board."

"He did find a nice selection of muggle candy, though."

"But it didn't make up for you guys almost leaving without me!" Peter spoke up.

"For me it did," Sirius said with a shrug. Remus flicked his wand, gluing Sirius's tongue to the roof of his mouth.

"After that," James pressed on, "We had to sit for hours and hours on a plane."

"A very bumpy plane," Remus put in.

James laughed at Sirius who was violently shaking his fist at Remus and attempting a complicated sort of sign language. "And Sirius had to sit next to Remus," James translated, "That was probably the only downside to his entire trip."

"Well next," Remus said, eager to stop talking about the plane ride, "we had to stay in this awful hotel."

"They had bedbugs!" James exclaimed, shivering in repulsion at the memory.

"And we got in big trouble," added Peter.

James grimaced, "It was full moon," he elaborated, "The whole room was pretty much destroyed," James rounded on Sirius, "And, of course, this git here had to call room service before we finished cleaning up!"

Sirius let out a strangled sort of gasp and gestured furiously at Remus. "I think he's saying he was trying to get me some food," Remus said watching Sirius energetically point at his mouth.

"Either that or he wants you to unglue his tongue," James said, "And anyway, he wasn't getting you food! He was ordering himself butterbeer! Which, as it turns out, muggles don't have!"

Joanna couldn't hide her amusement. "Is that everything?"

"No!" Remus and James said unanimously.

"Peter got a terrible sunburn!" James exclaimed.

"It still hurts!" Peter added, "I haven't been able to lie down properly since!"

"And then," Remus said darkly, "James and Sirius tried to play quidditch."

Even with his tongue confined to his mouth, Sirius still managed to express his opinions on the utter hilarity of that situation.

"What happened?" Joanna asked eagerly, obviously enjoying the tale.

"Well, first off, five muggles saw us."

"They got in even bigger trouble than when the room got ruined!" said Peter.

"Then… well, we only brought brooms with us, no equipment, so we were using coconuts as bludgers…" James hesitated.

"It exploded all over him," Remus said.

"Yuck," Joanna laughed, "I was wondering what that smell was!"

"You can still smell it?" James asked dismally, sniffing at his arm.

"We ended up switching plane schedules around so that we could go home early," sighed Remus.

"But we couldn't just have a relaxing plane ride home, oh no! Sirius had to bring back souvenirs!" James said furiously, "And he put them in my carry on!"

"What kind of souvenirs?" Joanna questioned.

"Well, lots of food, for one, and it turns out they won't let you bring any fruits through customs. If you have some, you have to declare them and obviously I didn't know I had any, so I didn't declare anything and when they found Sirius's stuff, they yelled at us for about an hour and they weren't even going to let us through until Remus did something that made them forget about us."

Remus blushed, "Technically, you're not supposed to modify memories unless you're authorized, but it was an emergency and it was only a small modification."

"Yes, and good thing he did or they might never have let us back into the country. Sirius also bought something from the magic market. Really dodgy place, all these old witches with rotting teeth shoving shrunken heads in your face... Well, anyway, whatever it was, it came with maggots," James covered his mouth with his hand and looked as though he might be sick.

"They weren't just any maggots!" Peter added, "They were magic!"

Remus laughed, "I doubt they were magical maggots. Actually, they were probably just skrewtworm larvae."

"_Just_ screwtworm larvae?" Joanna exclaimed, grimacing, "Well, what happened with them?" .

"They ate all of James's stuff. And they were just plain gross."

"They ate all of it!" James cried, "_All_ of it!"

"At least your broom wasn't in there," Remus said comfortingly.

"All I can say is I'm glad we're home!" Peter exclaimed.

"I'm thrilled! That was the worst vacation I've ever been on in my entire life!" James emphasized, determined to conclude the story of utter horror on a final terrible resounding note.

Sirius, who had finally managed to get Remus to unlock his tongue by yanking his book out of his hands and making gestures with his wand that unmistakably said he was going to burn it, clearly felt it was his turn to express his views on the trip.

"Well, I for one enjoyed it! You should see your faces! You must have had a terrible time!"

"Oh, very observant," James scowled.

"Well, I'm sorry if you didn't but..." Once he had finally mastered his gales of laughter, Sirius stood up for the effect and announced to the entire population within a ten mile radius of the headquarters, "I had the _best_ vacation ever!"

**A/N: Hope that chapter was ok... I seriously was really busy, but I know that's not a good excuse, lol. The next few chapters I already have written so it should go more quickly.**  



	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Ok, I lied, that took a while too. I was trying to finish the chapter _after_ this one before I posted this, but I gave up. So here it is, hope it's worth the wait!**

The doorbell rang loudly and Sirius's hand flew to his wand. After a moment he relaxed when he realized where the sound had come from. Sighing with exasperation, he leapt up and crossed the room to see what sort of muggle had come to bother him now. So far he'd had his landlord, an "electgician" who had apparently come to fix his lights, and a surprised neighbor who he'd nearly cursed out of existence when he'd first moved in.

He swung open the door to find his old girlfriend from school who he had not seen in almost a year, Stella. "Hi!" she exclaimed, her cheeks rosy from the cold winter air. After glancing at his shocked face and waiting for a few seconds, she shrugged and walked past him into the semi-warmth of his apartment.

Sirius watched her in complete confusion as she took off her scarf and heavy coat and hung them from his book case to dry. "Nice," she said, looking around approvingly at the dilapidated couch and dirty carpet with old newspapers and reports for the Order strewn across it.

Finally, regaining his voice, Sirius closed the door and turned to face her, "Er… What are you… I mean, why did you…"

Stella took this opportunity to clarify, "Don't you know it's Christmas? We got out for the holidays last week… And, I hadn't seen you since last summer, and only briefly then, so I don't know… I guess I just missed you," For the first time, she looked slightly less then confident and glanced fleetingly at Sirius's face as though hoping for a sign of approval or forgiveness.

"Oh… Oh, yeah… I've missed you, too," Sirius lied. In fact, he hadn't thought about the spunky little fifth year he'd gone out with in his seventh year at Hogwarts in a long time.

"I just… I thought I'd swing by. I didn't think you'd have anyone around and I thought you might be… well, lonely, since it's Christmas and all," she said, looking up at him imploringly.

"What made you think that?" Sirius asked, a little more harshly then he'd meant to.

"Oh… Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that… Only that, well, I thought Remus and James and Peter'd be with their families and I didn't know if you… I'm sorry. Do you want me to leave?" she asked, looking downcast.

"No, no! Don't leave! It's fine… you're right… I was feeling a bit… uh, lonely." This wasn't entirely the truth. Sirius actually hadn't even realized it was Christmas at all today. The weather was bad, so he supposed his friends hadn't been able to send him anything and he didn't really have any need to keep track of days. He just dropped in at the Order whenever he felt it'd been a while, and other than that, he had no place he really had to be. Sirius liked this kind of life, carefree, no obligations… One wink, one smile, and he could always pick up any girl if he was feeling particularly bored and all he had to do was stick his head in the fire if he felt like a chat with a friend.

"So, uh… What year are you in now?" he asked Stella who was now sitting on his couch, inspecting his large tabby cat who had just come to visit her.

"Seventh," she said, looking at him suspiciously, "Do you even remember who I am?" she asked, then she blushed and started to get up, "Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come. This was so stupid of me."

"No, stay! Really!" Sirius said, hurrying over to sit with her on the couch. He pointed his wand at the fireplace and a warm glowing fire erupted there. "I know who you are. I was just a bit surprised that you dropped in, that's all. I haven't seen you in forever. It's nice, though… Thanks… for coming by."

Stella smiled lightly, and settled down again, pulling the grey tiger cat onto her lap. "I know you probably barely remember me, but I just missed having you around. I thought, maybe since I'm about to graduate, I might be able to see you more often."

"Yeah… yeah… Hey, why didn't you apparate here? You nearly scared me to death, ringing that door thingy!"

Stella laughed, "I'm sorry! I didn't… er… quite pass my apparition test with full marks. But it's ok, I was just worried that if you did have someone over it might be a bit weird if I just apparated into the middle of your living room. Also, I wasn't entirely sure where you lived."

"Oh yeah, how did you find me?" Sirius asked, "Not that I'm not glad of course, I was just wondering," he added hurriedly.

"It's ok, it really doesn't matter whether or not you're glad I'm here, because I think I'm glad enough for the both of us," Stella laughed lightly, "I talked to Lily. I used to know her, back at school, and I had her address so I asked her what she thought and she said… Well, she gave me directions,"

"I can just imagine what Lily said about me!" Sirius laughed, "She thinks having her around is keeping James in line…" Sirius shook his head, still laughing. "So, Stella… How are things?" he asked.

Sirius had expected her to look heartened that he knew her name, but instead she grimaced.

"I hate that name," she said.

"I remember. Is it still 'Stell' or have you manage to get it changed?"

"It's Stell for now. I could change it, now that I'm of age… But seventh year is awfully busy. I'm not really sure how I would go about changing it, anyway," she said. "Everything's fine… Classes are like usual, only more stressful because of N.E.W.T.s, It's been a bit dull since you and your friends left, of course… How are you?"

"Uh… Good. It's all good… You know, just picking up jobs here and there… Nothing fancy. It's pretty nice being out of school. No responsibilities, no deadlines… So… uh, why are you here? Did you just feel like, er, dropping in?" Sirius asked, trying to figure out why a girl he hadn't spoken to in nearly two years was suddenly visiting him.

"Well, I had lots of reasons. For one I'm a very spontaneous person…"

Sirius laughed, "That's right! Did my need to surprise the hell out of everyone when ever I felt like dropping in rub off on you?"

"Yeah, probably," Stell looked slightly abashed, "Sorry about that. Anyway, I wanted to keep in touch with you after you left Hogwarts, but after that first summer, I guess we just sort of grew apart. We were both busy and I never saw you or talked to you; I kept thinking about dropping you an owl or something, but I never actually did." Sirius listened silently, not interrupting.

"Over the years, things kept making me think of you. Every time a creative prank was played, involving sneaking out of the castle or setting off dung bombs in the corridors, I thought how much better you could have pulled it off. Every time someone told me a funny joke, or brought food up to the common room from the kitchens… Whenever I had a new boyfriend, or broke up with an old one… I'd always think about you. It was weird, you know? Like I couldn't get you out of my head. I always told myself I was being stupid. I know you probably haven't thought of me at all, and you've probably had hundreds of girlfriends, and I guess every one of them probably never forgets you… But, I don't know, I finally just made up my mind to come and see how you were. I thought, maybe… we could just be friends again," she looked at him silently; her face was almost expressionless, but her eyes were hopeful as they watched his shaggy, dark, hair and elegant features.

"You know, I haven't thought of you, but I didn't think I had forgotten you… But now… Well, I guess I had," Sirius was relieved when Stell smiled; she had understood what he was saying. Slowly, Sirius took in her eager face, her plain brown eyes seemed to have lost some of their sparkle, and the blond curls had darkened slightly and lost a little of their bounce. There was nothing interesting or exotic about her face; Sirius could remember the resentment of half the girls in the school when they saw this girl with him. However, now that she was older, she seemed to have somehow grown into herself and there was something about her, a hidden beauty almost, that made you want to look twice.

"You've grown up," he observed.

"So I've heard," she replied, "Bad or good?"

"Good, of course. Better…"

"Better?" she asked suspiciously.

"Better then some of the others… Better then people thought you would… How many O.W.L.s did you get, then?"

Stell blushed, "Eleven," she admitted guiltily.

"Eleven! That's nothing to be embarrassed about, though, obviously it's no surprise."

"I know. That's why I'm embarrassed. Everyone hates me for being so smart."

Sirius laughed, "And maybe they should. Why do the teachers all love you so much?"

"Because I do my homework. Plus I never got mixed up with trouble makers… until you of course."

"Head Girl?" Sirius asked.

"Amazingly, no," Sirius gaped in mock shock. "I think maybe Dumbledore thought he'd give me a break."

"That's ridiculous! I intend to have a word with him!" Sirius said indignantly, making Stell laugh, almost upsetting the large grey cat.

Abruptly, however she stopped, "That reminds me!" she exclaimed, "Where- Do you know- I mean, well, you must know where it is that Dumbledore keeps going… you do, don't you?" she searched his blank face for confirmation and finding none, she continued, "Does it have to do with… Is it about... you-know-who?"

Sirius considered her. She was intelligent, and she had a knack for magic. The Order could use new members, what could be the harm in telling her about it? On the other hand, Dumbledore probably had a good reason for not telling students about the Order; after all, Stell was awfully young and she had her whole life in front of her. Why convince her to spend it fighting for what seemed to be, at this point, a hopeless cause? Then again, Dumbledore was most likely just worried that some students would go telling their death eater parents all about the Order, otherwise there'd probably be sign-up sheets in every common room. Finally, he compromised.

"Yes. It's… It's a secret organization… well it's not _that_ secret, but it has to be somewhat undercover, because you can never tell who to trust."

Stell nodded, "There've been rumors, about a group that started standing up to him, people say it's been gaining strength recently… But so has you-know-who. Some say it's a losing battle, but others say it's working. When I heard about it, well, I knew Dumbledore would be at the head of it, and I guessed that was where he might be going every time he disappears. And I thought, knowing you and James, you'd be the first to join…"

"Not quite the first, but certainly we joined almost as soon as we graduated, there's plenty of work to be done," Sirius said, still trying to decide how much to say. "It's not going well, though. I suppose you might call it a losing battle at this point, but no one is about to give up. I mean, it's a cause worth fighting for even if we're not making much headway and at times it seems hopeless…"

"What is it that you do to fight him?" Stell asked eagerly.

"Well, it's mostly just trying to figure out who's on Voldemort's side, and who's on ours. We try to track him and his followers, but it's difficult because they're so well organized. He's always ahead of us and the most we can do is try to predict and protect his next victims. Also, at first a lot of it was recruiting new members, but now that Voldemort is gathering so much power we can't really spare anyone for that, though it's still a priority," Sirius realized, suddenly, what he was saying. Stell was quick to disguise her excitement, but Sirius caught it. Hastily he added, "Of course, it's dangerous work. Lots of times members are discovered by death eaters and are killed or tortured. It takes a lot of time too, and there's barely room for anything else in your life. It… it's definitely kind of a waste… I mean, it's not like the Order is doing anything big!" he said desperately, Stell was looking more and more eager with every word.

"How can you say that? What could possibly be more important than fighting you-know…" Stell took a deep breath and managed to say "V-voldemort?" She looked surprised and proud of herself for a second before continuing, "So, if it had more members, could the… the Order, did you say? Is that what it's called? If it had more members, then would it have a better chance against… against Voldemort?"

Sirius paused before nodding, "Yes… I suppose. But, look, Stell, don't go poking around or anything, ok? Don't get yourself into trouble trying to find out more about the Order,"

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to. I was hoping you would-"

"No," Sirius said, firmly, "I'm sorry, but it's just too dangerous. It's really-"

"But you're in it, aren't you? I want to do something! I can't just sit around and mind my own business while people are being killed!"

Sirius sighed, "I know… It's just that… well, at least wait until you're done with Hogwarts, alright?"

"Alright… Does that mean we can stay in touch?" Stell asked hopefully.

"Of course! Although, it's against my better judgment…"

"Since when have you had any judgment at all?" Stell laughed.

"Hey, why don't we have a proper Christmas? I'll go make some hot chocolate… and I think I have a set of wizard chess pieces somewhere… Do you think you could conjure a tree?"

"I can try," Stell said, pulling her wand from her pocket.

They spent the rest of the afternoon laughing and talking, although the subject of Voldemort was carefully avoided. When at last Stell pulled her winter coat and gloves back on and trudged out into the blizzard, refusing Sirius's offer to try side-along apparition to get back home (he was unfortunately out of floo powder, as the large grey cat had knocked the last of it into the embers of the fire), Sirius found himself thinking nervously back to their conversation about the Order. Although he had made Stell give her word that she wouldn't try and find out anymore about it now, her enthusiasm had made him regret telling her. Still, it had been nice of her to come by. He put the thought of the Order out of his mind for now, thinking back over all they had talked about. He really had enjoyed seeing her, and maybe the hope that they could be friends again was more mutual than Sirius had first thought.

An owl hit his window with a loud thud, just as someone in the fireplace called out, "Hey, Padfoot!" Sirius smiled and opened the window to retrieve his package before turning to discuss his Christmas with James.

**A/N: At least it was long, right? lol... I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this. I mean I know we all hate SiriusOC fics, but hopefully this will be an acception, if I decide to go that way at all... which is likely, lol.**  



	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Ok, once again that took an incredibly long time to update. But I _was_ really busy. **

There was an earsplitting crack and a loud bang and Sirius Black appeared just outside the Hogwarts gates. He peered up the road to the castle; the first students were only just beginning to wander down the hill toward him. Sirius settled down to wait. He didn't really mind, he had the prospect of an afternoon at Zonko's to keep him happy.

Several of the students eyed him suspiciously, but he paid them no mind. He was waiting for one person, and he wasn't going to leave until she showed up. That was supposing she did show up. Suddenly this worrying thought occurred to Sirius. What if she didn't show up? What if she decided to stay inside studying today? That would be just like her, too! Ignore the first of the day in a month that it hadn't snowed and stay inside studying.

For the thousandth time, Sirius did something he didn't normally tend to do. He wondered what the hell he was doing. Sirius rarely made mistakes. There was of course, the occasional blunder on his part, but he was almost never wrong and he almost never doubted himself. Really, it was like she had said though, wasn't it? He just couldn't stop thinking about her and he'd finally made up his mind to pay a spontaneous visit.

Sirius pulled his cloak more tightly around him and turned to watch the last group of students trickling down to the gates. For a moment he thought she really hadn't come, but then he saw her, blond curls tucked carefully under the hood of her pale blue cloak, in deep discussion with a friend. He watched her laughing animatedly as she approached. She walked right past him, but Sirius stayed hidden behind the large stone column. When she had gotten a good head start, Sirius started off after her and her friend.

As they entered Hogsmeade Sirius had to resist the urge to stop and look around. There were memories everywhere, the shops and the houses… Here was the place that someone had almost seen them one full moon when they'd been with Remus… And there was the post office with owls in every size and shape… Sirius's will was really tested when he passed Honeydukes, the candy shop with lollipops that you could keep licking forever, and pieces of chocolate the size of dinner plates. Still he managed to defy the smell of the delicious freshly made fudge and continued after his quarry.

Finally his moment came, Stell paused to look in the window of a shop and her friend turned to talk to someone else. "Stell!" Sirius called, trotting over to where she stood, "Hey, Stell!"

Stell turned, looking around for whoever was calling her. "Sirius? What are you doing here?" she exclaimed.

"I had some stuff to do around here and I saw that Hogwarts was here today, so I thought I'd look around for you." Not exactly the truth… Sirius had gone to great lengths to find out when the next Hogsmeade trip was and he'd apparated there specially today.

"Oh! Well… hi! Nice to see you!"

"Yeah, isn't it?" Sirius said agreeably.

"We were going to Zonko's and then Honeydukes and maybe The Three Broomsticks. Want to come?"

"Sure, why not?" Sirius said happily as the breeze wafted another wave of chocolaty goodness at him.

"Hey, Claire! Is it alright if Sirius comes with us today?" Stell called to her friend.

"Sirius?" Claire asked, confused. She turned and saw the tall, slightly familiar, and incredibly good looking wizard next to her best friend and did a double take.

Stell laughed, "Remember? He was at Hogwarts when we were in our fifth year."

"Oh yeah… I didn't know you two were still going out!"

"We're not," Stell said hurriedly, "Just renewing an old acquaintance."

Sirius shrugged, indifferent. Stell really liked him, he could tell. As far as he saw it, it was pretty much up to him whether or not they were going out.

"Shall we go then?" he asked. Stell nodded and the three wandered off, happily renewing Sirius's familiarity with the old village.

* * *

They had quite an enjoyable afternoon. They'd spent hours perusing Zonko's intriguing merchandise, although, in Sirius's opinion, it was nothing compared to the Prewetts' handiwork. Afterward they'd visited Honeydukes and Sirius's pockets were currently crammed with a large assortment of mouth-watering sweets.

They now sat in The Three Broomsticks, happily enjoying hot butter beers and chatting merrily. The horizon was beginning to darken and twilight was slowly creeping across the village. "I suppose we ought to get back to the castle," Stell sighed.

Claire nodded, "I'll see you later… I just saw Gemma; I'm going to go meet up with her."

"What?" Stell asked, mystified, as Claire stood and donned her cloak. Claire shrugged, and flashed Stell something that might have been a wink, before leaving.

"I guess you had better be getting back as well?" Sirius asked.

"Yes… I've had a great time, though. You should come up for our next Hogsmeade visit."

"Careful," Sirius said, "I might just take you up on that."

"Well, I hope you do!" Stell laughed.

As they wandered down the fast emptying streets of Hogsmeade, Sirius seemed to deliberately lag behind. Stell made no objection, she really had enjoyed the day and she wasn't particularly keen for it to end.

"I'd forgotten why these Hogsmeade trips were so looked forward to," Sirius said as he peered through the window of an apothecary.

"And have you remembered?" Stell joked.

"Of course…" Sirius said, stopping to take a last wistful glance at Honeydukes.

"Is being out of school worth missing your Hogsmeade trips, then?"

"Most of the time. I can come here whenever I like, after all. There is one thing I miss, though. I hadn't realized I even missed it until today…"

"What, Honeydukes?" Stell asked, amused.

"No," Sirius said, for lack of a better word, seriously. "You."

**A/N: I hope it was good... or at least ok. I really am sorry about the long wait. I know I always say I'll try and update sooner, and I really do try! I swear! It's just things keep on coming up and I keep forgetting! For instance, this was the opening week of a show in Boston. You can't imagine how busy opening week is unless you've experienced it! Well, I'll quit this latest rant of mine so you can review!**  



	14. Chapter 14

"Alright, let me see if I have this straight," Sirius said, eyeing James perplexedly, "Your mother's sister's daughter-"

"His cousin," Remus corrected.

"Cousin. Your mother's sister's daughter, who is your cousin, has a half brother who's your… what? Quarter cousin?"

James shrugged, "I guess."

"So, you've got a quarter cousin who you've met twice and his wife is having a baby?"

James nodded, "Pretty much." He looked relieved that Sirius had caught on so fast.

"And this guy is a muggle?"

"Uh-huh."

"And your mother requested that you buy a gift to send to him…"

"Well, more commanded really, but yep."

"You want us to help… and your mother suggested baby clothes?"

"Yes. Because she didn't think I could screw up buying baby clothes."

"Well you can't, can you? Wonder if Tetter's Robes & Hats has an extra, extra small line…"

James heaved a sigh, "No! We can't buy magic stuff! It's a muggle family!"

"What can we do then?"

"Welllll, buy muggle clothes of course!" James exclaimed.

"Where?" Sirius asked, baffled.

"At a muggle store!" Remus and James said simultaneously.

"A muggle store?" Sirius said thoughtfully. "Sounds like fun! What are we waiting for?"

James rolled his eyes, "You, you moron. Let's go."

They were careful to apparate a good ways away from the stores so as not to alarm any muggle shoppers. They were an odd bunch as they paraded down the hill. Sirius was conjuring a stream of electric blue birds from the end of his wand and Remus was doggedly reminding him he ought to stop or he'd be spotted by a muggle. Somehow the birds kept managing to take their potty breaks directly over Remus head.

At last they reached the edge of the mall's parking lot. Sirius had finally stowed his wand in his back pocket, though people kept shooting his backside suspicious glances when the saw a long stick emitting a faint blue smoke protruding from his pocket.

"This is insane. Really insane," Sirius said jovially. James walked confidently in front of them. He seemed to feel it was his duty to find the right muggle store, as it was his… er, one-eighth nephew they were shopping for.

Remus and Sirius, who had been arguing about something as they wandered after James, nearly crashed into him when he came to an abrupt stop in front of a sleazy looking muggle store with loud music blaring from with in. A flickering neon sign adorned the doorway and an odd assortment of glowing, colorful things could be seen through the gloom. It was very dark inside and what little light there was seemed to be coming from the merchandise and from a string of electrical lanterns in the shape of luminescent skulls. Mugs painted with obscenities lined the shelves, and odd little figurines were stacked on display.

"Well come on!" James exclaimed, glancing behind him at Remus and Sirius. "Let's go in!"

"Why?" Sirius asked, looking distastefully at the store.

"Come one!" James repeated, "I've always wanted to look at one of these muggle stores! Let's see what they've got to say for themselves!"

"Doesn't look like they've got anything to say that would be appropriate for a baby shower…" Remus said, eyeing a rack of rather explicit bumper stickers.

Reluctantly Sirius followed James into the store, examining the interestingly designed t-shirts that hung on the walls. "Really James! Let's get out of here. You're not going to find anything in here," Sirius could hear Remus whining.

That was when he saw them. They sat alone on a dusty shelf. They were absolutely brilliant. They were expressive, distinctive, colorful, and new, yet at the same time they fit in perfectly; they were casual, laid back and comfortable. They were perfect.

Sirius made a bee-line straight for them, completely disregarding a table of glow-in-the-dark toothbrushes and a shriveled old muggle man, puffing away at a foul smelling cigar.

"Remus," Sirius said without looking up, "Give me the muggle money!"

"Sirius!" Remus said despairingly, "Not you too! It's supposed to be for James's-"

"I need the muggle money! Now!"

"Alright, alright! Shhh! Someone will hear you!" Remus said, glancing hastily around for anyone who might have overheard the word 'muggle'.

Five minutes later, Sirius sat on a bench outside the store, waiting for James and admiring his beautiful new shoes.

"Sirius, do you know how utterly ridiculous this is?" Remus asked him, peering up the street impatiently.

"This muggle shopping? Yeah, it's really strange, but in an amusing kind of way, you know?"

"No! Your shoes!"

"My shoes? But they're wonderful! They're beautiful!"

"They're ridiculous!" Remus laughed, "What the hell do you want them for?"

"To wear them, what else?" Sirius exclaimed, lovingly lifting them from their plastic bag.

"When? When are you ever going to wear those hideous things?"

"Well, I'm wearing them now, aren't I?" Sirius said as he admired his feet. Remus looked on uncomprehendingly.

"But Sirius… Look at them. They're… they're _gruesome_," Remus said, honestly mystified as to what Sirius could possibly see in the ugliest, most worn-in pair of shoes Remus had ever laid eyes on.

"What did you just call my shoes?" Sirius growled.

"Alright, what's the problem now?" James inquired, coming up behind them.

"Nothing," Remus said, after glancing at Sirius who looked sincerely hurt by Remus's shoe remark. Sometimes, it was best to just let Sirius be Sirius. Questioning his motives usually gave Remus a mild headache, though he suspected that this particular issue might inflict brain damage if he pursued it any further.

"Let's go then. I'm already tired of all these muggles." James glanced back at Sirius and Remus who had stood to follow him. "And Sirius, where on earth did you get those shoes you're wearing? They're almost nauseating."

Sirius looked dejectedly at his feet and trailed after James like an abandoned puppy.

After a half an hour Sirius and James had both collected an assortment of muggle things, none of which were baby clothes. James was moaning that he needed something to eat and Remus was complaining that they had yet to find a suitable gift for James's one-eighth nephew. For once Sirius had nothing to say. He was too busy admiring his shoes.

"Come on, James! Let's find a gift and then you can eat something!" Remus insisted.

"But Remus, I'm hungry _now_!" James whined.

Remus cocked an eyebrow and stood his ground, "What are we here for?"

"Baby clothes. But that's beside the point. I am going to die if I don't get lunch right now!"

"You sound like Sirius," Remus sighed.

"Is that a bad thing?" Sirius asked, catching the tail-end of the argument.

Remus and James ignored him. "Alright, fine. Take some of the muggle money and go find something to eat. Sirius and I are going to keep looking so we can get out of here."

"I bet Sirius is hungry," James said, trying to make them come along with him to find lunch. He wasn't exactly an expert when it came to muggle money.

"Me too, but he won't notice unless you use the f-o-o-d word."

"Fine," James pouted, "Shall we meet back here?"

Remus nodded and lead Sirius off toward a promising looking store. "Where's James going?" Sirius asked, tearing his eyes from his beautiful feet for a moment.

"Bookstore," Remus said, without missing a beat.

"Bookstore?" Sirius groaned, "Why in the world does he want to go there?"

"Beats me…" As they walked through the door they were met by a cornucopia of vibrantly colored infant attire.

"Wow!" Sirius exclaimed, distracted from his shoes by the bright colors, "We've hit a jackpot!"

Remus, with some not-so-helpful assistance from Sirius, selected several of the adorable outfits.

"Won't James want to help choose?" Sirius asked, pointing out a lime green garment adorned with gaudy pink bows.

"I doubt it," Remus said, grimacing at his suggestion.

"Why not?" Sirius asked, "He's missing all the fun…" Sirius picked up a ruffled orange one piece embellished with repulsive little elephants in tutus. "What about this one?"

"No," Remus said, refusing the urge to vomit all over the vile little jumpsuit. "And James wasn't exactly keen on the idea of shopping for his nephew… I'm sure he won't mind if we choose some things for him."

"This?" Sirius suggested as they approached the cash register. Remus looked to see what he was pointing at. It looked like a miniature clown outfit.

"Sirius, if I were James's quarter-cousin and his wife," Remus paused to make sure Sirius had deposited all of the atrocious outfits he'd had in mind and then dragged Sirius up to the counter to pay, "I would not be caught dead with our baby wearing that."

Sirius pouted. "Or that," Remus added in response to another proposal, this one with stripes of copper and magenta running diagonally up it.

"Boy or girl?" the woman asked amiably, as she rang up the purchases.

"We don't know yet," Sirius, who had gone back to staring at his feet, replied.

The cashier smiled sociably. "You're adopting?" she asked.

"No, we're-" Sirius began, then he glanced up at Remus perplexedly and Remus suddenly understood what she was asking.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, realizing that she must have caught the end of his sentence about James's quarter-cousin not wanting to be caught dead with his baby wearing one of Sirius's selections.

Sirius seemed to have grasped what she had assumed as well. He burst out laughing. Remus was left to try to clarify the situation on his own.

"We're not… I wasn't… I mean, these aren't… Er... keep the change!" He thrust an unreasonably large amount of money at her, snatched their purchases and dashed from the store.

"You're not helping!" Remus hissed at Sirius who was still shaking with laughter. But as soon as they were out of earshot of the store, Remus couldn't help but join Sirius's laughing fit.

That was when James came around the corner, whistling happily and balancing a triple-flavor, quadruple-scoop, ice cream cone. Predictably, Sirius crashed into James, James crashed into Remus and the entire tower of ice cream went flying. At least one scoop landed on Remus's head. The rest plopped onto the ground despite James's futile attempts to save them.

"My ice cream!" James cried.

"My beautiful, beautiful, shoes…" Sirius moaned, pathetically trying to wipe the fast-growing chocolate stains from his beloved shoes. "My shoes!" he wailed as the milky puddle grew around them.

"Sirius…" Remus began, "They're just shoes, you can… Are you crying?" Remus and James exchanged a bewildered look over Sirius's head. James grabbed a handful of shaggy hair and yanked Sirius's head up.

"He is!"

It was true. Sirius cradled the damaged shoes, looking utterly devastated at their demise. Using great concentration in resisting the overpowering urge to laugh, Remus squatted by Sirius who was huddled on the sidewalk and patted him awkwardly on the back.

"Er… Sirius, we're really, very sorry about your shoes…"

James looked like he wasn't sure whether to laugh or not. He compromised by making an odd grunting noise and arranging his face into what he must have thought was a sympathetic look.

"Yeah… Sirius, mate, I'm sorry for dropping my ice cream on your shoes."

Sirius didn't say anything. James glanced at him nervously and then whispered into Remus's ear, "Should I clean them with magic?"

Remus made a face, "Personally, I think this is an improvement. You can't tell what color they are anymore."

James nodded, "Look, Sirius… um, if you come with me and leave those shoes here, I'll… er… I'll…"

James looked at a loss, so Remus quickly took an inventory of all Sirius's favorite things with which they might tempt him to abandon the shoes. Well, actually, at present his favorite thing was the shoes, but that was no good… Girls was another, but they couldn't really persuade him with that… food… "Food!" Remus exclaimed, "We'll buy you food!"

Sirius was on his feet the second he heard the f-o-o-d word. "Food!" he echoed, "I haven't eaten lunch all day!"


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: This is just a cute (I hope), fluffy little chapter that I was thinking about just putting as a oneshot but decided to put here instead. Hope you like it!**

As Sirius watched her throw her curls back in appreciative laughter at something he had just said, Sirius again felt something very new and unlike anything else he had ever felt around any girl before. As they wandered down the crowded streets of Hogsmeade, he wondered what he had said to make her laugh. He couldn't even remember, he was so caught up by the way her eyes sparkled in the cold winter sun. Sirius knew it must have been something she found genuinely funny, because she wasn't one of those girls who giggled every five seconds when she was around him.

There was silence between them for a moment, but Sirius didn't mind. It wasn't uncomfortable; in fact it was almost pleasant. Sirius might very well have been the most confident guy on the planet when it came to girls, but even he had never been so at ease around anyone ever before.

She was saying something to him now, smiling that smile that was almost, but not quite, perfect. Sirius had the whole world. It was right in front of him. He could touch it. See it. It was his and only his, or perhaps theirs.

Yet he was utterly isolated. Not in a bad way, because she was all the company he needed. Even as he saw the people pushing past, hurriedly going about their business, Sirius was somehow apart. They were all alone, but together in themselves. The sun hit the snow blindingly, sparkling off the sidewalks and her hair and her lips and her eyes. Everything glowed in the cold, white, light.

Sirius could feel the warmth emanating from her face. Her smile and her cheeks, and her eyes. Maybe it was coming from her very soul. Or her heart. That was a nice thought.

As she took his hand, Sirius could swear tiny sparks danced up his arm. She pulled him along, skipping, laughing. They were laughing together. It bubbled up from between them and flowed out into the brilliant boundless blue sky.

Sirius felt like he was drunk, maybe he was. Oh, he hoped not. This was far too wonderful to be a dream that he wouldn't remember in the morning. The trees and the snow seemed so alive. Even the houses and shops seemed to dance with the rhythm of his heart.

Suddenly a new thought occurred to Sirius. Was she feeling the same things he was? He turned to ask her. Their eyes met and Sirius had all the answer he needed. He could nearly see fire leaping in her shining eyes. There was a magical buzz between them, around them. And Sirius forgot everything but those eyes.

He could feel the life burning inside him, filling up his fingers and his face and his heart. Something inside of him roared like a giant tidal wave, sweeping through him. His heart was melting. Melting in those eyes.

The sun was shining down, bathing everything in radiant warmth. Or perhaps the warmth came from within her. Sirius wasn't sure, but he didn't really care. It didn't matter. Sirius could practically feel his heart take wing, leaping and soaring.

Somehow his fingers brushed her cheek, sending the warm, magical, humming through him. He was happier than he had ever been in his entire life.

He had not a care in the world. She looked into his eyes, the same warmth flooding them. He looked back, unable and unwilling to tear himself away. They seemed pulled together by a separate force that had nothing to do with physically moving. He found her in his arms and it seemed the most natural place on earth.

That was when the deep, unidentifiable feeling came forward and presented itself. Driven by a sudden wave of… something, Sirius stepped forward, pulling her closer and locking their lips together. The whole world was a beautiful, beautiful place.

**A/N: Yes... so please review whether or not you liked it. Constructive criticism and suggestions are always welcome! **  



	16. Chapter 16

"Padfoot?" Sirius whirled around, his wand out, staring around for the owner of the voice.

"Padfoot, it's me. In the fire." Sirius turned and looked into the fire, which was crackling merrily. James's head was resting on a flaming log.

"Oh! Prongs! You surprised me, I- what is it?" Sirius asked, seeing the excited look on his face. James only smiled more widely, looking slightly embarrassed and very surprised at himself.

"What?" Sirius asked again, kneeling down closer to the fire. He quickly grabbed a threadbare pillow from the drooping, moldy, old couch in the corner and sat down on it.

"Tell me!" He exclaimed.

"I- I did it," James said weakly.

"Did what?" Sirius asked, exasperated.

James gave a nervous laugh, "I… Lily… She- well, I… I asked her…"

"Asked her what?" Sirius roared.

"I… asked her to- er…" Sirius gasped, looking shocked.

"You… you… Did she say…? Did you give her the ring?" James nodded.

Sirius's handsome face broke into a wide smile. "Tell me about it! Did she like the ring? Have you set a date?"

"No, not yet… I was a bit nervous. I'd been carrying it around in my pocket for a week and we went for a walk. She was telling me what a bad week she'd been having and she said that just being with me was making her feel better and, well, I just knew it was the moment."

"So, you just got down on your knee and asked her to marry you?"

James nodded. "And she was so happy, she conjured up a whole flock of birds and I had a firework from that party weeks ago in my pocket and I enchanted it so it said 'she said yes!' and then we went back to my place and she only just left to go tell her family!"

The two friends sat in a stunned silence for a moment. "Have you told Remus or Peter yet?" Sirius asked.

"Nope," James said, shaking his head, "Just you, mate. I was praying you'd be home. I want to ask you something."

"What?" asked Sirius, curiously.

"Will you- Well, mind, I haven't talked to Lily yet… Or made any plans at all, or anything, but," James paused, studying his best friend's face, "Will you be my best man at the wedding?"

Sirius smiled, "I'm flattered." James cocked one eyebrow. Sirius rolled his eyes, "Oh well, not really. I'd be disappointed if you didn't ask. Of course, if it's alright… I'd love to."

They sat quietly for a moment, each thinking his own thoughts. "Wow," Sirius said at last "One of us… getting married. Who would've thought… And to Lily Evans, too," Sirius mused. "If you'd told me four years ago, that James would be the first marauder to get married and to Lily Evans, I'd never have believed you." He shook his head wonderingly and James's head shrugged in the fireplace.

"Why don't you go tell old Moony, o.k.? And say hi to your mum and dad for me, too. I'll check in on you later," Sirius said.

"Alright," James said, grinning. "By the way, how's it going with you and Stell?"

"Well, it's a bit weird, because she's still at Hogwarts. I almost never get a chance to see her, but I guess it's good. She might come by today. Hey, if she does, can I tell her?" Sirius asked.

"Of course! Maybe we can get together later. You and Stella and Lilly and I."

"Sure. I'll ask her if she comes by…" Sirius smiled, gazing absently into the fire.

"Is anything wrong?" James asked, deciphering Sirius's expression.

"No, not really… It's just she seems so young, and all of us in the Order are in danger. I guess I'm worried they could use her… to get to me, you know? But that's probably stupid. It's more that I think I might… well, have a bad influence on her."

James nodded sympathetically, although he wasn't entirely sure where Sirius was going. "She wants to join the order," he said abruptly.

"She does?" asked James, taken aback.

"Yeah," Sirius said, "I didn't give away anything about it, but they're desperate for new members and you and Lily were in it, so it seemed like a good idea at the time… But now I'm worried. She's too young; I don't want anything to happen,"

Sirius was quiet for a second, staring into the flames, past James's head.

"She's not _that_ young. Only two years younger than us. You have to let her grow up or you two will fall apart."

Sirius nodded, but James wasn't sure he had heard a single word. "Prongs," Sirius said, looking back into James's eyes, "I think I'm in love with her."

**A/N: Yay! I updated! Hope you enjoyed the long awaited proposal to Lily! Reviews would be much appreciated. Well, actually they would be more than appreciated. They would be worshipped. I would get down on my knees and pray to an alter honoring any reviews. lol, well, probably not, but I would mentally hold all reviews and reviewers sacred!**  



	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Wow, it's been forever since I last updated... Sorry! And this chapter doesn't exactly make up for it!**

After about an hour of persuasion, Sirius and James had finally convinced enough people to take a break come play Quidditch to have two full teams. It had taken a lot of doing, but now the fourteen Order members, including the four marauders, Stell and her friend Claire, both of whom were on Easter break, and Dorcas Meadowes who insisted that she'd been quite the keeper in her day, marched out of the dismal Order headquarters and up the hill, brooms slung over their shoulders and beat up quaffles under their arms..

Many people, such as Alice Longbottom and Peter, had been rather reluctant to play and James had had to tempt them with a certain juicy secret. Now everyone gathered in a very secluded clearing with soaring pines surrounding it.

"Alright, let's divide into teams. Sirius and I will be captains…" James began, checking to make sure everyone actually had a broomstick.

"Why do you two get to be captains?" Joanna asked indignantly.

"Because we're the best players."

"Excuse me?" Gideon Prewett exclaimed, gesturing to himself and his brother, "You're looking at two of Hogwarts's greatest beaters ever!"

"And I was a pretty good chaser, James! You should know that, I was on your team!" Frank put in.

"Look, why don't we just have the two seekers be captains? That way it'll all be fair," Lily suggested.

"I suppose that's alright," Frank nodded.

"Is that ok with you, Sirius?" James asked.

"Hey mate, I can't complain. If we're on the same team we're sure to win."

"Good. Alright, who can play seeker, besides myself?" James asked doubtfully.

"Alice is alright!" Frank volunteered.

"No I'm not, I'm a disaster. I'll fall off my broom before I even take off. I still don't want to play, but-"

Everyone groaned, if Alice left they'd have uneven teams. "But," Alice continued, holding up a hand, "I will play if James'll tell us his 'juicy gossip'."

"Yeah! That's true! I want to hear it, too!" Benjy exclaimed.

"Me too," Lily said, looking suspiciously at James.

James returned her gaze sheepishly, "Well Sirius, Peter, and Remus already know… And I'm not sure who Lily's told…"

"James!" Lily exclaimed, seeing what he was getting at.

"Hurry up and tell us!" Alice cried.

"Out with it!" Frank called.

"Lily and I… are engaged." The reactions amongst the group were very mixed. Frank, Gideon and Fabian nearly trampled James as they ran to shake his hand and clap him on the back. Benjy jumped up and down with excitement. However, Stell, Joanna, Dorcas and Alice looked rather disappointed.

"What is it with you? I can't believe you didn't tell anyone until today!" Lily chided.

"That's no good! Lily told me the day after you proposed!" Alice protested, annoyed.

"Men!" Dorcas exclaimed, shaking her head.

After much argument, objection, and congratulating, the Order members once more assembled to be split into teams. Claire, it had been discovered, was seeker for Gryffindor now, so she got to be the other team captain.

"Sirius!" James said, and Sirius bounded up to join him.

"Stell!" Claire exclaimed.

"I'm awful! You shouldn't have chosen me just because I'm your best friend!" Stell laughed as she joined Claire.

James surveyed the assembled players thoughtfully, "Lily!"

"I'm terrible! I don't even know what position I play! You shouldn't have chosen me just because I'm your fiancée!"

Everyone laughed, "It's alright, Lilykins! You can be a beater, with me!" Sirius exclaimed, throwing his arm around Lily's neck. Both James and Stell shot him reproachful looks.

"We get the other beaters than," Claire said and Gideon and Fabian joined them.

"Frank!" James called, "I haven't forgotten how good you are!"

"Dorcas," Claire said.

"Good move!" Sirius said, "You don't want to get stuck with Peter!"

"Hey!"

"That means we're stuck with him, though," James said, "Peter, get up here!"

"Only chasers left, than," Stell said. "Choose Remus, we can't have all four of them on one team."

"Oh… tsk, tsk! Bad move! Remus can't play to save his life!" Sirius said. Under Remus's glare he quickly added, "But that's alright because James and I would play for him to save his life."

"Of course we would! I choose… Joanna!" James called.

"Alice!"

"Ha ha! Bad move, I've seen Alice play! We get Benjy!" Sirius exclaimed, earning a clout from Frank.

The teams were horribly matched. Although Gideon and Fabian were superb beaters, the most they could do was knock everyone on the other team out wile they watched Frank score goal after goal. Sirius was alright, he didn't rival the Prewetts, but he managed to keep Frank, Joanna, or Benjy's paths relatively clear, though he couldn't defend all three of them at once. Lily was horrible and she more often than not ended up hitting her own teammates with a bludger or with her bat.

Dorcas wasn't a bad keeper but Frank, Joanna and Benjy were all very good chasers and she couldn't block attacks from all three at once. Also, about halfway through the game Lily accidentally gave Dorcas a bloody nose with her beater's bat. She was momentarily proud of herself, but then upon seeing the damage she had done, dissolved and spent the rest of the game apologizing.

Peter was an awful keeper but Remus and Alice both proved to be absolutely terrible chasers and neither scored any goals at all except for once when Remus accidentally dropped the quaffle on Peters head, causing it to bounce backward through a goalpost. Stell was ok, but every time she managed to get near Peter with the quaffle, Sirius nearly knocked her out with a bludger that Gideon and Fabian would barely manage to stop.

As for seekers, Claire was good, but she was nothing compared to James who was phenomenal. James saw the snitch several times before he actually caught it, letting his team get an even higher score.

The eventual score was a pathetic 250 to 40.

"Well that just about sucked," Stell said, summing it up as they all trouped, muddy and tired, back down the hill.

"No kidding," Sirius said, nodding in agrement.

"What are you talking about? You won!"

"Yeah, well, it was pretty boring playing against such easy competition!"

"Oh, shut up! You're a horrible beater!"

"Am not!"

"Yes you are! You kept missing me!"

"I was doing that on purpose!"

"No you weren't!

"I was!"

"You were?"

"Well, yeah! I didn't want my girl to get brain damage or something!"

Stell laughed as he swung his broom at her. "Well, thanks for not giving me brain damage!" Stell took Sirius's hand warmly, smiling up at him. After a pause she added, "But you're still a horrible beater…"

**A/N: I know, it was short and not particularly fantastic. Allwell, the next chapter is better and it's done so hopefully I'll update quickly!**  



	18. Chapter 18

"Wow, James, finally tying the knot, eh?" Sirius sighed, "I can hardly believe it,"

"Hmm, I know, incredible isn't it? Only a couple of years ago we were all still in school…" Remus mused.

"You'll still be in the Order, won't you James? And you'll still be around, right? We'll see you often, won't we?" Peter asked anxiously.

James laughed, "Peter, just because I'm getting married, doesn't mean I'm disappearing from the face of the Earth!"

"And be quiet about the Order. You never know who your friends are and I can guarantee not _all_ of these people are on our side…" Remus whispered, darkly.

The four friends sat at a table near the door. Lily was off being admired over and after Stell had come and draped herself over Sirius for a few minutes most of the girls who had been sitting around admiring and swooning over him had disappeared. "Sorry," Stella had whispered into his ear, with a wink, as she got up again, "I just didn't want them getting _too_ close… You know, look but not touch,"

Now the marauders were alone at last, laughing and joking around just as they had back in school. Suddenly, someone behind them cleared their throat loudly, James turned to see Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling, accompanied by a very sentimental-looking Minerva McGonagall.

"I'm afraid we both will have to be leaving now," Dumbledore said, "After all, Hogwarts needs someone to keep an eye on it… Now that the marauders are gone it seems that new applicants for the job of mischief-maker in chief are taking full advantage of the situation to exploit their talents and qualifications,"

Sirius laughed, "But no one's even coming close to filling the space we left, are they?"

"I should hope not," Dumbledore said matter of factly.

"Lovely ceremony, James. Really, I was almost brought to tears… Imagine, James Potter! Getting married!" Professor McGonagall said, blowing her nose into a small lace handkerchief. "Well, I hope to be seeing you again. Good bye now!" With that the two former teachers vanished with a simultaneous pop.

"Good, old, Dumbledore… Nothing will ever go _too_ wrong while he's around," James said, smiling at the spot where his old professor had been.

It had, in fact, been a beautiful wedding. The sun couldn't have been shining more brightly and the sky couldn't have been a clearer blue. The bride had been thoroughly appreciated. Her dress was stunning and her auburn hair cascaded beautifully down her back. Now she stood with Alice Longbottom, one of her best friends, who had just recently been married to Frank Longbottom, another Order member.

"I suppose we'd better start dancing… Everyone's waiting for Lily and me," James said, staring out over his wedding guests, most of whom appeared to be done eating.

"Oh, come on! I'd only just started eating and if you dance, Stell's going to want me to, too!" Sirius groaned. James laughed and clapped his friend on the back.

"Hey, mate, this is my wedding! You can eat later!" He stood and approached his beautiful bride, motioning to the band in the corner to start up something more lively. With a flick of his wand, James pushed the tables closest to the dance floor back a few feet. With a grin, he offered Lilly his hand, which she graciously took.

The three remaining marauders watched in silence for a few seconds. "Think you'll ever get married?" Sirius asked his friends quietly.

"Maybe…" Remus said, a bit sadly, "But my… er, condition might make it difficult… What about you?"

"I don't know. I like being young and carefree," he said with a small laugh, "but maybe someday… if I find the right person." He gave an almost unnoticeable, involuntary glance toward the table where Stell and Alice stood.

"I don't think I could ever get married," Peter said in a squeaky voice, "I'd be too afraid to ask anyone…" Remus and Sirius rolled their eyes over his head.

"Hey, you! Come dance with me!" Stella called. Sirius winked at Remus and flashed an exasperated smile, before wandering off after her.

Soon all the marauders were on the floor, although Peter's partners seemed to abandon him fairly quickly as their toes almost immediately became too sore from being trodden on to dance anymore. The four school friends danced the rest of the evening away, celebrating what they had no idea would be one of their last carefree nights.

**A/N: Yay! Another chapter! And it took me less than a week to update! Reviews would be greatly appreciated!**  



	19. Chapter 19

No one was in the elegant great room when Sirius entered the headquarters of the Order. No one was sitting at the large kitchen table either. "Hello?" Sirius called.

"Where is everyone? Start the party! Sirius has arrived!" But no one came to greet him. Sirius tried to ignore the strange feeling in his stomach and his suddenly pounding heart. There was always _someone_ at the Order, always! Sirius took the steps two at a time.

When he reached the second floor landing he was so relieved to see people that he almost didn't notice that they were all sitting silently, looking shocked.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he bounded up the final few stairs. Dedalus Diggle, who sat nearest Sirius, was shaking and he had tears running down his cheeks. Remus sat beside him on the overstuffed couch, patting his back in a vaguely comforting manner, but otherwise looking completely out of it.

"Moony?" Sirius asked, but Remus didn't appear to have heard him.

"Joanna?" he asked, turning to the others sitting on the other side of the room. Joanna was pale and frozen looking; she didn't seem to be able to speak.

Sirius whirled around, looking for someone coherent enough to tell him what had happened. Gideon Prewett stood silently by the window, staring out at the dismal grey landscape. He turned to Sirius and lead him silently into the other room.

"There's been another attack," he said solemnly. Sirius stared at him, uncomprehending. Gideon and his brother were the funniest, liveliest pair of people Sirius had ever met, besides, of course, himself, and it took a moment for Sirius to even grasp the fact that Gideon was being serious.

"An… an attack?" Sirius finally managed, trying to think what could possibly make Gideon so incredibly somber and distant sounding. "Someone… died?" Gideon nodded. "Not… not Fabian?" he asked suddenly, naming Gideon's brother.

Gideon shook his head. Again Sirius struggled to think what could possibly make anyone this serious when, he, Sirius was around. Who was missing? Remus? No, not Remus… He was safe, Sirius had just talked to him… He was fine… James? Sirius gulped, his brain was working in slow motion. James was not there. He was not at the Order. James would have answered Sirius right away. James wouldn't make him guess.

"J- James?" Sirius at last managed. Again Gideon shook his head, 'no'. The wave of relief was so huge that Sirius almost jumped for joy. Then he remembered. Someone was dead.

"Peter!" Sirius gasped suddenly, but again Gideon shook his head. Sirius was starting to get annoyed. "Lily?" again Gideon shook his head, "Alice? Dorcas? Emmeline? Edgar?"

'No, no, no, no.' Sirius felt like screaming at Gideon, why wasn't he talking? "Frank? Benjy? Gwendolyn? Tra-" The change from a shake to a nod was so fast that Sirius almost didn't notice it.

"B-Benjy?" Sirius asked, shock spreading from his brain, through his body, all the way to the very tips of his fingers and toes. Again Gideon nodded and now Sirius could see why he hadn't spoken, he'd been holding back tears.

Cheerful, friendly, little Benjy? "N-no… no!" Sirius stumbled backward, away from Gideon.

"There was a huge explosion… The d- death eaters killed him… They… they didn't even f-find his body yet!" Gideon turned away, shaking his head disbelievingly. Sirius stumbled blindly back into the other room. He sat, trembling, down on the couch beside Remus.

When he'd first joined the Order, only about a month after he'd first met her, a young witch named Marlene McKinnon had died, but Sirius had barely known her. Five months later, Caradoc Dearborn had disappeared; they'd still been searching for his body up until recently, but lots of people had disappeared back then. The war had been going very badly; they'd been losing, but now… None of the Order had died in almost half a year!

Benjy… Remus looked at Sirius desperately. He was even paler than usual and looked like he might be sick. Sirius remembered their very first day at the Order… Remus had told everyone about his furry little problem and Benjy had shrugged casually, telling them all about his second cousin who was a werewolf. Sirius wondered now if he'd made that up to make Remus feel more comfortable. That was just the kind of person Benjy was.

Silently, he put his arm around Remus, gasping for air and shaking his head. They were shocked, everyone. The room felt like a wake or like a vigil in the room of a dying person. Who could kill Benjy? Disbelief, denial, astonishment… They hadn't been close, but Benjy was a great guy… And people in the Order didn't just up and die anymore! Sirius felt anger course through him. Remus's much too thin frame was quivering next to him. He was silently staring blankly at the wall. Every now and then he would turn and look into Sirius's eyes as if searching again for confirmation or comfort. Of the latter, Sirius had none to offer. He was too utterly shocked himself.

**A/N: Hope you liked it! Please, please review and give me some incentive to update! lol**  



	20. Chapter 20

"You came!" Stell cried suddenly, hurtling across the room at Sirius.

Catching her in his arms, Sirius cocked an eyebrow, "You didn't think I'd miss it, did you?" he asked. The drinks were passed down the table and the party grew louder and louder. They would probably, on a normal night, have been kicked out of The Three Broomsticks. Wands had come out now and the table, which had several people standing on it, was levitating a few feet off the ground. However, everyone was willing to make exceptions once in a wile. Sirius could remember a party quite like this one. A party where he'd been the guy standing on the table; his graduation, with his own friends.

Usually Sirius was the life of the party. He was the one getting drunk and setting off fireworks (indoors of course). He was the one who got thrown out first, too. But tonight he felt excluded, alone… He tried excusing himself by suggesting that he was giving the actual graduates a chance to celebrate, but really this wasn't true. Normally it wouldn't have bothered him in the least bit that this wasn't his party, but tonight Sirius had much more serious matters on his mind, things that he just couldn't seem to forget.

Stell seemed to be thinking about something as well and after only an hour of partying, she dragged him out, suggesting they go somewhere else. Sirius pretended to protest, but it was mostly for show. He'd actually rather not be in the loud, crowded party. They headed for a small coffee shop down the street. Neither of them spoke, although Stell turned and opened her mouth several times.

Finally when they were seated across from each other in the nearly deserted café, she broke the silence, "What's wrong?"

Sirius hadn't realized that anything had shown on his face. This was supposed to be Stell's night and he was ruining it for her. "Nothing," he said quickly.

"No, it's alright, I don't feel much like partying right now. Really, what's the matter?"

"You tell me what's on your mind and I'll tell you what's on mine," Sirius suggested.

"Fair enough," Stell said, "Well… It's just… Now that I've graduated, will you…?"

Sirius heaved a sigh, he'd been afraid this was coming. "You promised me, remember?"

"I know I did, but things have changed now."

"How?"

"I can't explain… It's too dangerous, I should never have mentioned the Order at all."

"Look, I'm not a little kid, ok? I can protect myself. I can make decisions for myself. I want to join the Order. That's what I want to do with my life, understand?" Sirius looked at her, surprised. She had never sounded so… so serious and determined. She wasn't being cold and she wasn't angry, she was just explaining herself to him.

"I know," Sirius said, "And I know I can't stop you doing what you want, but… you're… young. And… I don't want…" Sirius shook his head, he didn't want to talk about Benjy, the memories were all too recent, but he'd have to. She couldn't join the Order now.

"Things happen. People… get hurt."

"I know that!"

Sirius looked down at the tabletop; he struggled with himself for a minute before beginning. "A friend of mine… there was an accident. And… And the death eaters caught him. They still haven't found his body."

Stell gasped, "Oh, Sirius… I'm so sorry."

When Sirius looked up again, his eyes were full of everything that had ever gone wrong. Sadness, frustration, fear, and weakness... "I just don't want anything to… You can't… I don't want you to get hurt," he said at last. "If you… If anything ever happened… I could never live with myself."

"I'm not going to die, Sirius," Stell said, "I'm not leaving you."

"Yeah?" Sirius said, suddenly angry, "Well I doubt Benjy thought he was going to cop it, either! But he did! And now they can only find bits of him!"

There were tears in Stell's eyes, she reached out and took his hand, squeezing it. Sirius felt suddenly empty, as if all the life had been sucked out of him. He was tired, too tired to fight any more. "I know," Stell whispered, "But things like that… they'll just keep happening! Don't you see? We can't give up! That's what we're fighting for! To stop him! To end all the killing and the pain and the fear! We have to do something about it!"

Finally Sirius regained his voice. Stell was watching him intently, her eyes wild and full of fire. "We have to do something," she repeated softly.

"Stella," Sirius whispered, "I love you."

**A/N: Wow, I updated pretty quickly! Aren't you proud? lol Well, thanks for reviews! Keep them coming!**  



	21. Chapter 21

Remus, Sirius, and Stell sat quietly on the carpet, surrounded by piles of papers and heaps of broken quills, books and maps. They were each studying separate documents, lost in concentration, and only occasionally coming out of their reveries to copy something down or pick up their wands and whisper a word or two.

Remus was furiously scratching something out on his parchment. Sirius kept rifling back and forth through the pages of a large leather-bound book which kept emitting clouds of foul smelling greenish dust. Stell was mumbling something under her breath over and over, her face screwed up in frustration. Her wand was half-heartedly glowing and occasionally giving off small clouds of deep purple smoke. Jabbing it fiercely at a map, she was continually referring to a large scroll and was becoming more and more fed up with each try.

When at last a particularly violent jab managed to set the map on fire, Stell angrily threw her wand to the ground, stamping at the growing flames and sending the scroll flying. With a great sigh, Remus looked up from his notes and flicked his wand, dousing the fire.

"I don't know how you stand it!" Stell exclaimed, sitting back down and retrieving the scroll which had just narrowly missed Sirius's left ear.

"I haven't been to a single meeting and I'm completely fed up with this tracking down Voldemort's followers rubbish! It's going nowhere and I can't…" She said, grabbing her wand and jabbing at the map again, "get… (jab) this…(jab) stupid, bloody, spell to work!"

"Calm down," Sirius said in a bored voice.

Looking sullen Stell stalked out of the room, mumbling something about going to find something to eat.

"Maybe you're being a bit harsh, mate," Remus suggested lightly. "This is brand new for her, and it was you anyway who suggested she be in the Order."

"I didn't suggest- Oh, never mind, look, the point is, she's got to get used to it if she's going to work for the Order. She can't just stop ever time she runs into a tiny little problem!"

"You did, too, at first," Remus reminded him.

"I suppose… I'm just stressed out at the moment and I didn't want to be interrupted," Sirius said, sighing and stretching.

"I wouldn't mind a break, myself," Remus said, laying his paper aside. Sirius shrugged and slammed his book shut. It coughed up another putrid cloud of greenish filth.

"Can't you make that thing stop?" Stell asked bitterly, returning.

"Er… no. I've tried… maybe Remus can," Sirius said, offering the book to him.

"Sure, I'll give it a go."

"Hey, Stell, I'm sorry. I'm just stressed about all this work," Sirius said, reaching for her hand.

"Me too," she admitted sitting beside him on the couch, "I can't wait for the first meeting."

"Oh, I wouldn't look forward to it too much, if I were you. They're awfully dull."

"Oh well, another thing that I can't look forward too," Stell said, standing and packing up her things. "I'm going to call it a day. See you tomorrow."

She walked carefully to the fireplace and with a quick dust of floo powder she was gone. "Let her go," Remus said, grabbing Sirius's arm as he stood to follow. "She just needs to cool off a bit, she'll be fine."

Nodding, Sirius returned to his place by the coffee table and picked up another sheet and began scanning it. No sooner had he begun to get back into the rare focused state that he'd been in before, when, with a loud pop, another interruption appeared, perched on the edge of the ragged sofa.

"James, mate, what're you doing?" he exclaimed. Remus had leapt off the couch in surprise, dropping the book and sending another cloud of noxious green particles swirling around the room. Looking flustered, James picked himself up and dusted off his worn cloak.

"This is your day off, James! What are you doing here?" Remus asked, moving some papers aside to make room for James on the couch.

James, however, would not sit down. "I have a very important announcement!" he exclaimed. "I'm a- I mean, I'll- I wanted to yell too, I mean tell you, that I've… Well, that is to say I will…"

"Whoa! Whoa! Slow down, mate! What is it you're trying to say?" Sirius asked, leading James over to a chair and pushing him into it.

"Well I…" but James seemed to have lost track of what he was saying, "Remus? You're here too?" he asked.

"Er… yeah. Why?" Remus said, with a sidelong glance at Sirius.

"Is there anyone else here?" James asked, looking suspiciously at the grandfather clock in the corner as though Peter Pettigrew might suddenly leap out of it.

"No," Sirius said, giving Remus a look that clearly showed that he thought James had lost his mind.

"Good, I just wanted to tell two you, I mean you two first. I think… If anyone else was here I'd probably… But then again, I'm not sure I could do this twice…"

"Well that's pretty clear," Sirius muttered.

"Look, Prongs, what is it that you're trying to say?" Remus asked gently.

"I… I… Lily's told me… we… she… I'm going to…" but James didn't seem to be able to manage anymore. With a gasp he wrung his hands together, momentarily closing his eyes, and then looking at his friends as if begging them to understand.

"Do you think we should call a healer?" Sirius asked, looking very confused.

Remus, however, was smiling slightly. "No, I don't think so…"

Picking up a goblet of pumpkin juice, Remus turned to James. Stirring the drink twice with his wand, Remus handed it to him. "This is a calming draught, here, drink it."

James gulped the contents of the cup and seemed to settle down slightly. "Now, slowly… What are you getting at?" Remus asked.

"Lily's, well, she's… We're going to be…" James mumbled something very quietly.

"Sorry?" Sirius said, looking more concerned with every word. Remus, though, seemed to have understood.

He thumped James on the back, looking almost as excited as James did. "Congratulations! I thought maybe… I had a feeling… Oh wow! That's really amazing!"

"What?" Sirius asked, sounding rather annoyed now.

Remus opened his mouth to explain, but James, who seemed heartened by Remus's enthusiasm held up his hand to say that he would clarify. "I'm going to be a… a father," he said.

Sirius gaped at him in astonishment. "But… but, you… surely you don't- you're much too-" He now seemed to be as speechless as James had been.

"I think this calls for a couple of firewhiskeys!" Remus said, leaping to his feet.

Sirius still looked utterly aghast. "I- you're not- you don't want…"

"I'm… I'm really happy, and excited," James said, still looking rather shocked himself.

"But aren't you…?"

"Well, yeah, I'm a bit nervous, too. But, hey… I've always wanted… I mean I guess I… Well, I don't know… I'm really, really, really, happy!" James said.

Sirius smiled, "I… guess I can understand that."

Looking incredibly happy and still as though he hadn't quite gotten over the astonishment, James stood again and started pacing the room. "A kid? Me? Can you imagine me as a dad?" He laughed, as though he found the idea utterly hilarious and ludicrous. "But, really… It's amazing isn't it?"

Sirius was watching him, nodding where necessary and still attempting to fully comprehend the concept that his best friend was going to be a parent. "When?" he at last managed to gasp.

"Dunno… Didn't think to ask! Uh… Summer I suppose… June maybe…" This thought seemed to open up a whole new field of possibilities for James and he went back to pacing.

Remus returned with the smoking drinks and managed to force one into James's hand. "Do you realize what this means?" James asked incredulously as he took a long gulp. He laughed nervously, still acting as though the idea were completely out of his grasp.

"Do you think it'll be a girl or a boy?" The three were silent for a moment, considering this incredible revelation. Occasionally James and Sirius exchanged quick astonished and amazed looks.

"Could be… could be either," Remus said at last. "There's a spell, to find out… But I suppose it's too early to tell yet."

"Hmmmm, yeah…" James said vaguely, still lost in thought. "Maybe I should tell my parents… Oh, Merlin's beard! What do you think they'll say?" he exclaimed, suddenly alert again.

"I don't know. They'll be pleased, won't they?" Sirius said.

"Well, yeah, I guess… But… But, what do I say? How do I tell them?" James gasped, completely flustered once more.

"Well, it's just me but I think you might want to start with 'Lily and I are going to have a kid, so-"

"What am I doing!" James exclaimed suddenly, interrupting Sirius and slamming his drink down on the table. "I'm pregnant! I can't drink this stuff!"

"_Lily_ is pregnant, mate, not you," Sirius explained patiently.

"But Lily's my wife!" James exclaimed, standing up, "And I've got to tell my parents!" He grabbed his wand and disapparated with a loud crack.

"That was eventful," Sirius said turning to Remus with a somewhat befuddled look on his face, "What do you suppose has gotten into him? What's he all worked up over?"

"Well," Remus said thoughtfully, "I'm no expert, but I think it might have something to do with the fact that his wife's going to have a baby."

**A/N: It's the long awaited first appearance of Harry Potter! Hope you enjoyed... I know I haven't updated in forever but I've had and will have limited internet access this summer. This will probably be the last update of the summer, but never fear! Come September I, your faithful updater, will have (hopefully) WEEKLY updates. Yay! So surprise me with lots of reviews when I come back in the fall, k? ****J **

**Anyways, as to this chapter, I know the beginning probably seems a bit ooc for Sirius, but I'm trying to sort of show how as we get more and more into the war against Voldemort, the stress is affecting everyone. **


	22. Chapter 22

"That was just about the most boring lecture I've ever heard in my entire life. And that's counting old Professor Binns's classes," Stell said, stifling a yawn.

"We warned you, didn't we?" Sirius laughed, cocking one eyebrow.

Stell nodded, "I was optimistic enough to hope that you'd exaggerated."

The Order members had finally concluded the meeting. Many of them had immediately departed, but those who remained were beginning to bring out decks of cards and bottles of butter beer. James said a hurried goodbye before following Lily out into the crisp night air. Stell, Remus, and Sirius remained, sitting as close as they could to the fire without singeing their robes.

"It wasn't exactly entertaining," Remus said thoughtfully.

"No kidding," Sirius muttered.

"But, if you listened closely there were interesting points. You know, important bits that could be useful." The others stared at him.

"Maybe you fell asleep and were dreaming about some other meeting," Stell suggested. Sirius laughed, but Remus shook his head.

"No, I'm serious. If you haven't noticed, they don't exactly divulge everything to us less experienced members."

"You've got that right," Sirius said.

"Well, they sort of… slipped, I suppose, though maybe they knew we wouldn't be paying attention, and they talked about a few of their ideas that they wouldn't normally share with us," Remus said.

"Like what?" Stell asked eagerly.

"I don't know… It wasn't plans or anything, nothing solid, just… ideas. The whole mood of it was dark."

"More so than usual?" Sirius asked.

"Well… yes," Remus said, "I don't think things are going very well. The Dark Lord is strong. Stronger than us, and people are dying. More and more people, more of us, more of the Order."

"So… Do they think… he's going to win?" Stell asked hesitantly.

"Can he win? I mean, it's not really a win or lose situation, is it? It's more of him being in power or the rest of us being in power and at this point, it's he who is in power. I think it's more that things are going very poorly for our side. Deaths and defeats have been happening that they haven't told everyone about. To put it bluntly, we're all going to be killed eventually… And, frankly, I don't think there's anything the Order can do about it," Remus said, rather darkly.

Stell and Sirius glanced at one another once, Stell looked nervously at Remus and then around the room at the remaining members of the Order. Suddenly the grandfather clock in the hall chimed loudly, piercing through the semi-quiet of the darkened meeting room. Abruptly Remus got to his feet. "I'd better be going. It's getting late. I'll see you later."

With that he strode from the room, pulling on his cloak and sweeping out into the now bitter air.

"He isn't usually so…" Stell looked questioningly at Sirius as they heard the door slam behind Remus.

"Grim," Sirius finished, "No, he's not. He's been a bit odd lately. Maybe it's just full moon or something… Besides, he's stressed about the Ministry. Because of all the werewolves working with Voldemort, they've been passing new anti-werewolf laws daily. Poor Moony can't find a job anywhere and even some in the Order won't trust him anymore."

Stell nodded sympathetically, "That's got to be tough. I suppose we shouldn't hold him _too_ responsible for being so depressing."

"Yeah, that'd probably be best. I've got a set of exploding snap cards here, want to play?" Sirius asked.

"Sure," Stell said, settling down at the nearest table. Sirius smiled lightly, unconcernedly setting the cards and reaching for a platter of homemade cauldron cakes, but inside he was worried. Times were hard for Remus, and it didn't seem like he was coping well. Sirius considered mentioning this to James, but he was so busy and the few moments he had to spare, he deserved to spend happily with Lily, not worrying about his friends. They were adults now, after all. Remus could take care of himself.

Still, Sirius would look out and keep watching, just to make sure his old friend was alright. The marauders always looked out for one another. As friends during dangerous times, they owed that much to each other.

**A/N: The promised September updates! A little later than expected, but better late than never, right? Kind of like reviews. I don't care what chapter you're on, or how long it's been since I updated, review it anyway! It only takes a second! Seriously anything would be appreciated at this point, even a simple 'Hi, I'm reading. (Good/Bad) job. Update (Now/Never),'! No reviews since the begining of the summer and not a single review on the past five chapters! Then again, if you haven't got anything good to say, that might be a reason for not reviewing... So maybe it's more a reflection on the writer than the reader... Anyway, the point of all that was review, now! See the little box that says 'submit review'? Click it!**

**No, I'm kidding, sorry for the whole rant. But it was pretty satisfying, lol. The message is still the same though, reviews would be really appreciated! Thanks for reading!**


	23. Chapter 23

"I can feel him kicking again!" Lily exclaimed. There was a rush as several people tried to put their hands on her round stomach and feel the baby moving.

"Hey!" James called, annoyed, "It's my son!" He tried to push through, but he soon had to give up as no one would pay him any attention. "Don't traumatize him before he's gotten a chance to try a chocolate frog!" he called hopelessly.

The Order members were relaxing in the large great room after another long meeting. Many of them were for all intents and purposes, basically living at the Order at this point. People like Sirius, without any real job or family they needed to be with, were spending all their time at the headquarters, a large formidable old manor that was very well hidden. There was almost never a moment of peace as there was so much work to be done, but now, in the after math of a particularly brainwashing lecture, everyone was resting and chatting unconcernedly before dinner.

"You get to feel him moving around in there every day, mate! Give them a chance!" Sirius called from the couch.

"I suppose…" James said, glaring reproachfully at the circle of Lily's friends who were now giggling about something as Lily animatedly spoke with them. Even Professor McGonagall had stopped to speak with Lily and watch as she pointed out the place where they could feel the baby moving.

"I'm still completely in shock, you know," Sirius said as James reluctantly dragged himself over and sat down next to him, "I think it might be a permanent condition. It's been six months now and I still can't imagine you as a father."

"Me neither!" Peter exclaimed.

"I can't either," James said, still watching Lily and her crowd of admirers.

Suddenly Remus started laughing. James, Peter, and Sirius all turned to stare at him. Remus rarely stayed after meetings. It had been a long time since they had last heard him laugh.

"Sorry," he choked through his chuckling, "I was just imagining James changing someone's nappies!"

This got Sirius laughing too, "Or potty training!"

"Or scolding his kid for taking his wand!"

"And changing into Prongs to entertain the baby!"

"How about teaching his kid to ride a broom?" Remus exclaimed.

"Or, can you imagine, James giving him the sex talk?" The three friends were nearly rolling on the floor with their laughter now.

"And, James Jr., at Hogwarts!"

"And being sorted into Gryffindor!"

"And falling asleep in History of Magic!" Sirius suggested.

"And taking lessons from McGonagall!" Peter laughed. James cocked an eyebrow, attempting to look annoyed.

"Oh, shut up!" he exclaimed, but he, too, was grinning.

"Excuse me?" Professor McGonagall said, clearing her throat behind them.

"Sorry!" Sirius said, barely controlling his laughter at the look on Peter's face. "We were just talking about…"

"We were imagining James's son…"

"Going to Hogwarts… and…"

"And taking transfiguration!"

"Ah, of course," Professor McGonagall said sarcastically, "And I assume he will enjoy it thoroughly and never interrupt the class?"

"I would be ashamed if he didn't," James exclaimed, but as Professor McGonagall smiled and walked off, he added under his breath, "interrupt the class and create chaos…"

The four of them chuckled again at this. Finally, after a few more minutes of joking and talking lightly during which James managed to once more wander over and sit with Lily, Remus got up and bade them all good night.

"Oh come on Moony! Stay for dinner!" Sirius exclaimed.

"No… Not tonight, I can't…"

"Please? Why not?" Sirius begged, following him into the empty hallway.

"I've got to… Well, it'll be full moon soon… I'm not feeling quite myself…"

"Oh come on! You never stay! Just this once?" Sirius pouted his lips in a truly pitiful way, making pathetically pleading eyes. Peter laughed, but Remus continued to ignore him. Bounding up to block the door, Sirius leaped into his dog form, whimpering and wagging his tail dejectedly.

"People will see you! Stop it!" Remus said coldly, "I have to go." He walked out into the damp air, pushing past Sirius and whipping out his wand to disapparate.

"Hey! I was only kidding around!" Sirius called after him, but it was too late, Remus was gone. Peter and Sirius exchanged taken aback looks. "What was that?" Sirius wondered. Peter shrugged, looking rather afraid.

"Maybe he's changing early," Peter suggested.

"That's impossible," Sirius said angrily, "What's he talking about 'the full moon is soon'? It's not until next week!"

Still shaking his head, Sirius slowly walked back into the main room. "Should we… tell James?" Peter asked hesitantly.

"No," Sirius said dismissively, "He's got enough on his plate as it is…" Trying to forget the harsh look in Remus's eyes as he left, Sirius went to join the others at dinner.

**A/N: Hope you liked! I'll be updating soon... I hope. Thanks for reading! **


	24. Chapter 24

As the last of the Order bade them goodnight, Sirius tried to catch James's eye. He had been waiting for a long while for the kitchen to empty. There was something important they had to discuss. James knew it, but Sirius had the feeling he was putting it off on purpose. At last, Lilly had kissed James on the cheek and told him to come up to bed soon, leaving the two men alone in the dim light of the single guttering candle floating over the table.

Sirius raised his eyebrows, determined to make James speak first. James heaved a great sigh and propped his feet up on the table, rocking back in his chair. Still however, he did not speak, although he no longer refused to meet Sirius's eyes. After a long silence, Sirius grew impatient, "Well?" he asked.

James looked at the ceiling for a moment before responding. "Well…" he said.

"Oh, come on James, I've been trying to talk to you for days, but both of us are too afraid to bring it up! Let's not dance around it anymore. What do you think?"

"About what?" James asked defiantly.

"About Remus!" Sirius exclaimed.

James glanced around nervously, as if looking for a way to escape. Finally, he dropped his feet back to the floor and leaned across the table toward Sirius. "It's… It's impossible to know who to trust," he said. This however, did not seem to satisfy Sirius.

"Of course it is!" he said, slamming his fist down on the table. He paused for a moment and then leaned towards James earnestly, "But I always thought I'd know I could trust my marauders! Now I don't know! I'm asking you for your opinion! What do you think?"

"I don't know, Sirius! Everything's so dark and mysterious and it's impossible to make judgments on anyone."

"Yes, but this is Moony! I thought… I thought we'd always know about each other! Surely you must have some idea!"

"No more than you, my friend." Sirius moaned, putting his head in his hands.

"What can we do? We can't let on that we think he's a spy."

"I _don't_ think he's a spy," James countered. "I'm just not sure. But… We'll have to be careful," Sirius nodded, his face tired. "Just don't tell him anything that could endanger your life, alright?" Again, he nodded weakly.

For a few moments they sat in silence, both looking down at the table. "James?" Sirius whispered, at last.

"Yes?" he asked, looking up.

"I… You… You'll always be there, won't you? I mean… I can trust you… no matter what, right?"

James smiled, "Of course. And, Padfoot, my old friend… I know I don't even have to ask…"

"You know I'd rather be kissed by a dementor than betray the marauders," He stood and walked around the table to James, gripping his shoulder.

"You promise me, here and now?"

James nodded, "Yes, and you?"

"Yes," Sirius said solemnly. They embraced each other like brothers and then stood and left the kitchen silently.

**A/N: Sorry about the long wait! Hope you keep reading!**


	25. Chapter 25

Pop! There was a sudden flare of light and Sirius sat bolt upright in bed, grasping blindly around for his wand.

"Show yourself! Whoever you are, I…" but Sirius was too preoccupied with finding his wand and defending his life to continue threatening the intruder, "Damn it! _Accio wand_! _Accio wand_!"

"Padfoot, it's me!" James gasped.

"Prongs?" Sirius exclaimed, "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?! It's… it's…" Sirius felt around for his alarm clock, "Well, it's got to be about 2:00 A.M.!"

"It's 4:00."

"4:00 A.M. then! Are you mad? What in the-"

"It's Lily."

"Lily?" Sirius gasped, suddenly alert, "What is it? What's happened?"

"The baby. It's coming," James said.

"Oh… Oh! Well, then… Hold on, let me… Damn it! Where is my wand?!"

"_Lumos_!" James muttered, at last piercing the dark of Sirius's room.

"Thanks," Sirius said, retrieving his wand from under his dresser. "Do you know how much you freaked me out just then? You nearly killed me! I thought my heart had stopped!"

"Sorry," James said distractedly.

"Oh, look, you'd better leave, is she at St. Mungo's?" Sirius asked, remembering the present circumstance.

"No, it's alright, the healers say nothing will happen for at least another couple hours. Lily told me I could go. I'm sorry I woke you. You'd better get back to sleep. I just wanted to… I don't know, I had to tell someone," James said apologetically.

"No, no… Do you think I could go back to sleep now? I'm coming with you! Let me get my robes on and then I'll-"

"Really, it's alright, it'll be ages before the baby is born."

"Do you think I'm going to miss the birth of Prongs Jr.? No, I am not. I'll sit on the hard, plastic, waiting room chairs for months if I have to."

"Alright. If you want to," James said resignedly.

Sirius shrugged, "I'm going to be there for you when your first child is born."

At last Sirius had struggled into a plain set of black robes and a cloak that had been lying on the floor. "I'm ready. Let's go." James nodded and they simultaneously disappeared.

* * *

"Sirius Black?" a young healer called, consulting a clipboard, "Is there a Mr. Sirius Black here?"

"Tha's you, innit?" asked the wizard Sirius had been playing poker with earlier, elbowing a snoring Sirius sharply in the ribs.

"What?" Sirius gasped, jolted awake. The wizard gestured at the healer who'd been calling him. "Oh… Oh, right! Thanks!" he exclaimed leaping to his feet.

"I 'spect it's the kid you was talkin' 'bout earlier," the wizard wheezed.

"Yeah! Yeah, it probably is!" Sirius dashed down the hall after the clipboard bearing witch.

"Just through here, Mr. Black," she said, leading him down a hall and pointing to a door.

"Thank you!" he exclaimed. Normally he'd have said something else, gotten her number or something, but just now he was too excited. "James?" Sirius gasped, "Prongs?"

"Shhh," James said. He was sitting in a chair by the bed, watching Lily and the tiny pink thing in her arms adoringly.

"Is that it?" Sirius asked, eyeing the small, gurgling, ball who both Lily and James seemed to be worshipping.

"This," James said proudly, "is my son, Harry."

"Hairy?" Sirius exclaimed, coming forward to inspect it. It had a light fuzz of unruly black hair and its tiny face was round and small and… pink. It didn't seem very hairy too him.

Suddenly it began to cry, wailing its little head off. James and Lily both looked on lovingly, comforting it. When it stopped crying, Lily laughed in an exhausted sort of way, gently touching its tiny head. "Here, let me hold him," James said, taking the… baby.

Lily settled back against her pillows, sighing, "He's beautiful, isn't he?" she breathed.

"Depends on your definition of beautiful," Sirius said, quietly enough so that Lily couldn't hear.

Wandering over to where James sat, Sirius peered over his shoulder. "Let me see, James."

Reluctantly James looked up from the whimpering pile of blankets. "Sirius?"

Sirius bent over the child, looking at it closely. It made another odd little noise and closed its eyes, apparently napping. "What do you think?" James asked.

"Er… It's… uh, it's…"

"He," Lily said from the bed.

"What?" Sirius asked, surprised.

"It's a he, Sirius, a boy. His name is Harry."

"Oh… Oh, yeah, he. He's… He's great!" Sirius said half-heartedly.

James smiled, looking relieved. "If it's alright with you, we've decided to appoint you as his godfather," James surveyed Sirius hopefully.

"Godfather?! I-" Lily flashed James an 'I-told-you-so' look, but then the tiny baby let out a tiny gurgle and opened his blue-ish green eyes. His tiny arms flailed and he let out what was unmistakably a giggle. He stared up at Sirius, intrigued. Sirius watched the baby's face. On impulse, he suddenly changed into a huge black dog, nuzzling the newborn with his great, wet, nose. Harry's face broke into a wide smile. He kicked his little feet appreciatively.

"Hullo Harry!" Sirius cooed, changing back into a human, "Sure! I'll be his godfather!" Lily rolled her eyes, but James looked thrilled. The baby started to cry again. Lily and James bent over him, Sirius backed toward the door. No matter how much his godson laughed at his animagi form, Sirius still was not very fond of his screeching cries.

"Hey, can I go tell Remus?" Sirius asked. James nodded slightly, but otherwise the couple made no other sign that they even knew Sirius existed. Satisfied that they'd be alright on their own for a while, Sirius left.

**A/N: Yay! It's Harry! I hope you liked it. Thanks for reading!**


	26. Chapter 26

Yawning widely, Sirius wandered down the stairs, listening for the distant sounds of breakfast being made in the kitchen. His stomach was grumbling loudly and if, he checked his watch, noting that it was already 1:00, he had missed breakfast, surely lunch would still be there… or at least tea… Sirius paused; he could hear no one downstairs. His sleep-fogged mind tried to consider what this might mean, but the only thing he could come up with was that he might have to find his own food.

Stell would make him something, or Remus would, they always had some sort of snack ready for the late risers, primarily Sirius, or others who dropped by the Order for a few minutes in the afternoon. A particularly loud growl from his stomach jolted Sirius back into his journey down the stairs, and he continued thudding loudly down each step, hoping someone would hear him.

When he reached the great room, he stumbled slowly across the hall into the kitchen. It was dark, no one was there… He looked around blurrily, wondering what was going on. In the kitchen a pot full of something that had been burnt into a charred black lump of gook was sitting on the still burning stove. Sirius turned it off, beginning to become really perplexed. Someone had been half through slicing a cantaloupe on the counter and several dirty dishes sat on the table.

"Hello?" Sirius called, sticking his head around the corner and looking up and down the hall. No one answered. Sirius wandered over to the coat rack in the mudroom. It was empty looking and sad. All the cloaks except his were gone. Feeling that he was missing something, Sirius wandered over to the fire place and took a handful of floo powder.

He stuck his head in the grate and considered his options. Remus and Stell stayed at the Order most nights. Peter… He could try Peter's apartment. "Peter Pettigrew!" he exclaimed. A moment later he was staring into Peter's empty living room. Again, things were left in disarray; no one appeared to be home.

Pulling his head back out of the fire, Sirius sat up and began to actually think, something he hadn't done yet this morning. Where could everyone had gone in such a rush? Why hadn't they woken him? Why hadn't they turned off the stove or finished making him breakfast?

In a sudden wave of understanding, Sirius began to panic. Where else could they have gone, except to fight Voldemort? Something terrible must have come up and it must have been horribly urgent, they had left in such a rush… His heart began to pound and his palms started to sweat. His head was spinning and the breath caught in his throat. He couldn't think anymore, he couldn't concentrate. Sirius thrust his head back into the fire, "P-Potter's Home! Godric's Hollow!" he choked.

"Hello!" he shouted as the Potter's den came into focus. "Is anyone, anyone at all, there?" For a terrible moment no one answered, but then Sirius heard the sound of running feet and the wails of a baby.

"Sirius!" Lily exclaimed, leaping on to her knees and kneeling by Sirius's head. Tiny Harry was clutched in her arms and she appeared to be halfway through changing him.

"What are you-"

"What's happened-" He and Lily both spoke at the same time.

"I woke up late and everyone was- no one was- They all left!" Sirius exclaimed hysterically.

"Oh, Merlin!" Lily said desperately, shaking her head in disbelief. "You haven't heard?"

"No!" Sirius said, trying to prepare himself for the worst. His brain didn't seem to be working; he couldn't focus or think of anything.

"The Prewetts thought they'd tracked down a death eater at last and… They were searching; some of the others came with them… We didn't know what happened… Stell just managed… Somehow they got a message to us… Things were bad, they said, and they needed back up… Something happened, I don't know, everyone had to go… And they told us and James- he said- James had to go… and he made me stay here, he said someone had to look after Harry and he left-" Lily broke down, tears streaming down her face.

"I haven't heard anything, all morning! I'd been waiting and waiting! I thought maybe you'd come to tell me what had happened. You scared me so much… I thought James… I thought he'd…" But Sirius wasn't absorbing any of this.

His mind was stuck on one thing, "Stell?" he managed at last. Lily could only nod, her brilliant green eyes filled with tears, and little Harry wailing, tiny fists flailing wildly.

"Where?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know," Lily gulped, "All they told us was this." She held up a scrap of paper with two words scrawled across it: Little Hangleton.

"He went by floo. Said that." Sirius nodded and quickly removed his head from the fire. He checked himself hurriedly, he was still wearing yesterday's robes, but that was fine, and though he still hadn't eaten, somehow he didn't feel the least bit hungry anymore. His wand was in his pocket. He didn't go anywhere without it anymore after the embarrassing episode where James had apparated on him in the middle of the night to tell him that Harry was being born. Sirius had thought he was being attacked but he hadn't been able to find his wand anywhere in the dark, as it was on the floor halfway across the room.

Sirius paused, took a deep breath and plunged his hand back into the jar of floo powder. He quickly crawled back into the fireplace and gasped "Little Hangleton!" Again he was spinning through the floo network, watching the grates whirring past him. At last he fell face first onto a hard wooden floor.

Slowly he picked himself up. He was in a deserted room filled with cobwebs. The single window was shattered and everything was silent. Sirius glanced around desperately, wondering where to go. The cloudy sky was beginning to darken already and the air had grown chilly. Behind him, Sirius saw a plain wooden door and, for lack of anything better to do, he went through it.

It lead outside to a small garden. He appeared to have been in a large, forgotten looking, stone mansion on the edge of a little village. To his left were the houses of the village, some with lights in the windows and some with smoke curling out of their chimneys. Everything was quiet, peaceful and calm. It didn't seem to be the place where a death eater might be found.

Sirius turned to look down the hill. Here there was a graveyard. It seemed to be taken right out of a ghost story with its crooked tombstones and twisted trees. As far as being the site of a horrible magical duel went, the cemetery looked a lot more promising than the village. Sirius wandered slowly down the hill, his ears straining against the eerie calm.

Quickly Sirius fell into his animagus shape, loping easily down the hill. When he got to the gate, he stopped nervously, listening and sniffing the air. He thought he could smell the lingering stench of magical fire, but it was a long way off. He picked up his pace, falling behind gravestones and keeping his eyes wide open so that he would see any attacker before they could see him.

Ahead he saw two trees whose branches blocked his view, on the trunk of one was obviously the burnt mark of an ill-aimed spell. Heart pounding, Padfoot advanced slowly, pausing to smell a footprint in the damp earth. He was getting closer. All around him now were the marks of spells that had missed their targets and the whiffs of magic in the air where getting stronger. He tried to listen, but his heart was hammering so loudly he could hear nothing else.

In front of him loomed a great marble headstone. And behind it… behind it he could hear voices! Padfoot slowly crept forward to peer around the edge of the grave.

Nothing could have prepared him for the devastation that met his eyes. Trees were scorched and black and there were… bodies. Padfoot was afraid to get closer, afraid of who might be lying only a few meters away from him with blood on their robes… In the distance there were people standing, talking… A few were bending over others and someone was sobbing.

Padfoot crept forward, carefully edging around the nearest corpses. Were these friends or foes? He studied the four figures in his view; it was too dark and they were too far away for him to see properly and he couldn't hear what they were saying. He began to step forward when he heard someone call his name behind him.

"Padfoot?" He whirled around, baring his teeth, a low growl escaping him. It was a moment before he realized that the only people who would know him in this form were…

"James?" Sirius gasped, immediately changing back into his human form. James was crouched on the ground, checking someone who lay nearby. His face was pale under the grime and he was shaking, but he appeared to be all in one piece.

"I'm so sorry," Sirius whispered, coming toward him.

"It's not your fault," James said, "I suppose you were asleep and no one had time to get you." James sounded exhausted and he looked as though the shock of what had happened hadn't hit him yet.

"What happened?" Sirius asked quietly.

"I don't know. Stell apparated to our house and said we needed to come here right away. All she could say was that they'd sent out a group of Order members to investigate a possible death eater sighting and something had gone wrong. Lily wanted to come too, but I made her stay with Harry. There was a huge fight, death eaters everywhere… We were losing, but then Dumbledore showed up and they all left pretty quickly."

"Who's… Is everyone….?" Sirius was too afraid to voice the question which had long been on his mind.

James shook his head. "That's Mad-Eye over there with Dumbledore, Edgar Bones and Professor McGonagall," he said, gesturing to the small group of people standing in the distance. "Remus is alright, he had to go right away because it's full moon tonight. Other than that…" James looked out at the numerous people lying on the ground.

"I've seen Dedalus Diggle. He's gone a bit funny, but he'll be alright… Emmeline Vance apparated away a little while ago, she took Elphias Doge with her, you know, the one with that funny green hat? They got him pretty badly, but she thought he'd be alright if she took him to St. Mungo's…"

"Who are… all these people?" Sirius asked, waving his arm out over the remaining casualties.

"Some are Aurors from the ministry… But, a… a lot of them are us, Order members…" James's eyes shone dully behind his grimy glasses. He looked too tired and beaten to cry and he didn't seem to be able to name anyone else.

Sirius felt bad asking him for names, but he had to know, "Peter?"

"I don't know," James said, "I haven't seen him all day, I didn't know he was here."

"Stell?" Sirius asked at last, he'd been avoiding mentioning her until now, too terrified at what might have happened.

James shook his head, "I haven't seen her yet. I bumped into her earlier, when we were still fighting. She was doing well. Some people have already left; she might have gone to find you."

Sirius bit back a wave of emotion and turned back to James, "Anyone else you know for certain about?" he asked.

James studied him carefully, "You want to know?"

"I have to find out. Please, just tell me."

James nodded, "Alright," he said resignedly. James sighed, sitting down on a tombstone and thinking. "I saw Sturgis Podmore. Remember him? He was a few years younger than us…"

"Was he the one Emmeline was always yelling at?"

"Yeah, that was him. Well, he doesn't look good. I think I felt a pulse… He was so still though… I'm no healer, but I'll be surprised if he makes it."

"Anyone else?" Sirius asked.

James glanced at Sirius again, as if measuring him. Finally he nodded his head. "Joanna."

"Is she… still alive?" Sirius asked.

"No, they got her with a killing curse," James said. They were silent for a moment, staring at the ground. "There was nothing you could have done," James said at last, "By the time I got here, it was almost over."

Sirius did not reply, he just sat quietly watching a single leaf drift slowly to the ground.

James stood finally, turning to Sirius, "Come on, we have to find everyone who needs help. Let's keep looking."

Sirius heaved himself to his feet and followed James to the next person. He was a ministry worker. He lay with his legs twisted oddly and his eyes eerily open. James checked his wrist and than shook his head sadly. The wandered on, looking for others. Sirius didn't like kneeling by the corpses and checking for a pulse, but he felt it was the least he could do.

James, who was walking ahead of Sirius, stopped abruptly. Sirius heard a sharp intake of breath, and hurried over to him, looking to see what he had found. Sprawled elegantly across the ground, back to back and lying as though they'd been fighting off ten death eaters at once, were Gideon and Fabian Prewett.

"I saw them before… They saved my neck more than once today. There were a whole bunch of death eaters fighting them, but they were doing well…" James looked at the brothers, aghast. He fell to his knees and reached for Fabian's wrist, but it was no good. Even Sirius could see that the Prewetts would never wake up.

"Hey! You two! What've you found-" Mad-Eye Moody, Edgar Bones, McGonagall and Dumbledore had come up behind them. Moody, who'd been calling to them, fell silent when he reached them.

"What is it, Alastor?" Professor McGonagall asked as she climbed the small hill to where the Prewetts lay. "Oh," she breathed, "Oh no." Everyone looked sadly at the ground, holding back tears or shaking their heads in disbelief.

"So many innocent lives…" Dumbledore said somberly.

Edgar Bones nodded, "The poor Longbottoms…"

"What happened?" James asked, his voice shaking.

"The cruciatus curse. They were tortured, we thought to death, but apparently they're still alive. We think Voldemort thought they had information he could use. They've been taken to St. Mungo's," he said.

"They had a son," James said.

Edgar Bones nodded, "That will be taken care of until the Longbottoms can be revived."

"Who were they fighting? Who used the cruciatus curse on them?" James asked, angrily.

A second later, James wished he hadn't asked, "Bellatrix Lestrange."

Sirius turned away from the others, staring out over the appalling scene before them. The wind tossed his dark hair and his grey eyes were sad and distant.

Suddenly, something across the clearing caught Sirius's eye. It was a pale blue cloak. A chillingly familiar pale blue cloak. Silently, Sirius swept away from the others, hardly daring to breathe as he ran across the grass. He leapt over a tombstone and landed beside her.

Stell lay with her face turned away from him, her thick brownish hair was tied up in a ponytail and one hand still clutched her wand. Sirius rolled her onto her back. She was deathly pale and there was a wide gash in the side of her head where she'd hit it on a stone. Slowly, Sirius sat down on the hard ground and pulled her limp frame onto his knees.

Sirius took a deep shaking breath and placed his ear to her chest, closing his eyes in concentration. At first he thought there was nothing, but then he heard the dull steady pulse of her heart. Relief swept over him and at last the tears fell.

"Stell," he choked, "Stella… You can't give up. You said you'd never leave me…"

Suddenly she coughed, her mouth fell open and her chest heaved. Her breathing was heavy and ragged, but it was there. After a moment, her eyes opened and she looked up at Sirius's face, as if seeing him for the first time. A feeling so powerful it made him want to stand up and sing, sob his eyes out, and never let go of the cold hand in his all at the same time, swept over him.

"I knew you'd come for me," Stell whispered.

"Who's he found?" Edgar Bones asked James.

"Stell," James replied softly, tears for Sirius blurring his vision as he watched Sirius bending over the lifeless form.

"Poor kid," Moody grunted.

"I don't suppose… she couldn't have survived, could she?" Professor McGonagall asked without much hope.

At last James decided Sirius had had enough time on his own. He wandered slowly down to the place where Sirius knelt.

"I'm sorry mate, really sorry…" James croaked, trying to imagine how he'd feel if he lost Lily.

But then, when he reached them, an amazing sight met his eyes. Stell was lying in Sirius's arms, there was a cut in the side of her face that seemed to have bled heavily, and her breathing was shallow and rough, but she was gazing up at Sirius with such love that James knew she would live.

Untraceable happiness washed over him, he turned to the others on the hill, "She's alright! She's alive!" he cheered. They hurried down the hill, weaving around the tombstones.

Dumbledore moved quickly for a man of his years, in seconds he was on the ground beside Sirius, gently prying Stell away from him, "_Episkey_!" he said, placing his wand gently by the gash on her head. The blood stopped oozing from the wound and new, pinkish skin started to grow across it. "That should help a bit, but we need to get her to St. Mungo's…Can you tell me what else hurts? What spell was used?" Stell blinked up at Dumbledore, apparently trying to make sense of what he was asking her. 

"Are you dizzy?" Edgar Bones asked, kneeling on the other side. "Can you breathe alright? Please, Sirius! We're trying to help her!" he said exasperatedly.

"Sirius," Dumbledore said gently, "We need to find out what's wrong."

"Come on," James coaxed, placing a hand on Sirius's shoulder and easing him away. "She's going to be alright, Padfoot."

Sirius nodded silently, looking dazed. "She's alive…"

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Happy Thanksgiving!**


	27. Chapter 27

"Er… Miss? There's a large number of people wanting to see you… I'm not sure if-"

"Oh, good! Let them in!" Stell said eagerly, "I was wondering when they'd find the time to visit me!"

"Well, if you're sure Miss…" the young healer said nervously.

James, Lily carrying Harry, Claire, Sturgis Podmore, Dorcas Meadowes, Remus, and Peter, all lead by Sirius, trouped into the room.

"Stell!" Sirius exclaimed, leaping onto the bed beside her and leaning over to kiss her.

"Oh, thank Merlin you're alright!" Lily said, taking the seat by the bed.

James placed himself at the foot of the bed by Claire who was carefully inspecting the cast that had been put on Stell's wrist.

"We're so glad you made it, darling!" Dorcas cried, conjuring a chair to sit on.

"Are you feeling better?" Remus asked.

"Sturgis got his head banged in too!" Sirius said, gesturing to grinning Sturgis Podmore, who pointed to a bandage on his forehead that was soaked with a nasty-looking purple liquid.

"Got the ok today! All brain damage is officially healed!" he said amiably.

"So what happened to you? Will everything heal alright?" Lily asked concernedly.

"Well, I think so. Funny curse that knocked me out, they're not entirely sure what it was, but I seem to have lost some ribs…"

"Lost them?" Claire asked, "How?"

Stell started to shrug, but then winced and stopped. "The healers aren't sure… I think I had a punctured lung or something, as well. Anyway, that's all fixed, though re-growing the ribs hasn't been fun. I broke my wrist, too and for some reason, the bones wouldn't set properly to be healed so they've had to put a splint on it," she raised the arm with the cast, "and I hit my head off some guy's tombstone that had all these enchantments on it to stop people from digging it up. For some reason it's keeping the skin from fully healing and the healers think it might scar."

"Oh, that's too bad," Dorcas said, "Isn't there anything they can do?"

"They've been trying everything and I suppose I'll just have to hope for the best. I fractured my skull, too, but that got fixed right away," Stell added, almost as an afterthought. She was rather enjoying telling the gruesome story of all her various injuries, but there were more important things at hand, pressing questions she had to have an answer to about the battle. "Anyway, I'm not too upset about the scarring. I figure I'm luckier than some…"

Everyone nodded sadly. "You've got that right," murmured Remus.

There was an awkward pause during which all the happiness and excitement seemed to evaporate from the room.

"Well…" Stell said after several uncomfortable minutes, "I could probably guess by whose not here, but I had rather hoped that some people had just been too busy to come to visit right away."

"Yes," Sirius said wearily, "Most of the older members are fine but they're working double time now to track down all those involved."

"McGonagall's alright, and Dumbledore, of course," Lily said.

"I don't think anyone could ever hurt Dumbledore," Dorcas added.

"Yes, and Mad-Eye Moody is fine, obviously. And Edgar Bones," Sirius said thoughtfully, "And Emmeline Vance is ok."

"Some people are still recovering, Elphias Doge and Dedalus Diggle. Some of us visited Dedalus earlier, he came round before you," said Remus, "He wanted to come see you with us, but he wasn't well enough yet so he said to say 'hello' from him."

Stell nodded, "Well, that's good. Will Elphias Doge be alright?"

"It seems so," Lily said, "You and he and Sturgis were in the worst conditions and so far you two have made it, so we're hoping he'll be fine, too."

Stell smiled, "That's great news. Tell Dedalus hi back for me when you go to see him…" She hesitated, then began reluctantly, "What about-"

But Sirius cut her off, determined not to make her guess, "I might as well tell you the worse. You're going to have to know."

Stell nodded apprehensively. Sirius took a deep breath, "The Longbottoms…" he said tentatively.

Stell gasped, tears coming into her eyes, "They're not…?"

"They're not dead… But, I don't know, maybe that would've been better. They were… tortured, the cruciatus curse. They still haven't come to and the healers think they may be in a permanent coma. If they do ever wake up, they'll probably be very susceptible to the curse. Dumbledore thinks that they had some sort of information that Voldemort wanted, so they're likely to be attacked. If they're tortured with the cruciatus curse again, it's probable they'll suffer permanent brain damage."

"That's terrible," Stell said, looking down at her bed sheets. Everyone's worried eyes were on her.

"Are you ok? Do you want me to…?" Sirius anxiously studied her face.

"No, I'm alright. Go on," Stell said.

"Gideon and Fabian. They took on five death eaters at once…"

"They were doing well, but Lucius Malfoy got them from behind after he knocked me unconscious," Sturgis said miserably, resolutely determined to own up.

"Oh, Sturgis, it's not your fault," Claire said.

"I'm sure no one blames you," Stell said sadly. "I passed out right away. Whoever I was fighting probably got a few other people as well."

Sturgis just hung his head. "Is there… Did anyone...?"

Sirius nodded sorrowfully. "Er… yes. Joanna."

Stell gaped at him silently for a moment, and then turned to Lily, as if for confirmation. Lily's eyes gave all the proof she needed. For a few moments they all sat silently, sharing their grief.

At last Dorcas slowly got to her feet, kissed Stell on the cheek and said a silent goodbye. Lily and James followed, patting Stell comfortingly on the back as they left. Claire hugged her friend tightly and Sturgis despondently shook her unbroken hand. Remus gave her a comforting hug as well before he left Stell and Sirius alone.

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**


	28. Chapter 28

"If only I had been there! I'm so sorry," Sirius said for the umpteenth time.

Stell sighed, she was getting tired of consoling Sirius, "It wouldn't have made any difference."

"But maybe if I'd gone things would've turned out differently. We would've been together and maybe…"

"Look, would you get over yourself? There was nothing you could have done! And even if there had been, I would much rather you save someone else's life and let me end up with double the scars!"

"Yes, but you-"

"I don't care, ok Sirius? Think what's happened to Gideon and Fabian and Joanna and everyone! Compare this," she pointed to her head, "to what's happened to Frank, and- and Alice! They may never get better! Never! I consider myself lucky! And if you're so wrapped up in yourself, so self-centered and shallow that you'd rather have me without any damage than the lives of all those people, well than fine! But you'd better find yourself a new girlfriend!"

Sirius stared at her with his mouth hanging open for a moment. "But you- I didn't- I'm just… I care about you!"

"Do you care about _me_ or just about what I look like?"

"How can you say that? You know it's you I care about! More than anything-" Stell raised her eyebrows, as if challenging what Sirius was saying. Sirius shook his head disbelievingly, "I can't believe you think that about me! Why do you think I feel so guilty? Of course I wish I could have saved all those people!"

"You couldn't have! Stop blaming yourself!"

"Alright, alright! But the thing is, you're the one I'm thinking of, because you're the one I care about most! I love you!"

Sirius was surprised to see that she was crying again. "What…? I'm sorry, I didn't…"

"No, it's not that." Sirius waited, but she didn't continue.

"Are you… are you ok?" he asked timidly. She nodded.

"I love you…"

"I love you," she managed at last. Sirius pulled her to him affectionately.

"I'm so scared." She looked into Sirius's eyes, searching for hope or comfort. "Don't leave me. I won't be able to stand it without you."

"I'll always be there," he said, his voice cracking. He barely held back the tears that tried to squeeze themselves into his eyes. She looked so trusting, reassured by his feeble vow. He wished he could have as much faith in it. She seemed to relax, leaning against him, her fears calmed somehow by his presence, though he was just as terrified as she.

"Good," she whispered, her eyes closed, "I need you." At that moment, Sirius decided resolutely that he would keep his promise, no matter what.

"I'll always be there," he said again, this time with much more certainty. "Forever. I swear to you," he added, though he wasn't convinced she was still awake to hear him.

**A/N: I only noticed that thing about the Longbottoms after I wrote that chapter, so I tried to fix it in the next one, although I didn't do the best job. I beg your forgiveness! Oooo, also sorry about the long wait for the update! Hope you enjoyed!**


	29. Chapter 29

Dedalus Diggle burst into the great room, gasping for breath as though he had just run a mile. Everyone looked up, roused from whatever they'd been working on.

"Dedalus?" Lily asked, getting worriedly to her feet.

Dedalus gripped the back of the couch for support, shaking from head to toe. "What's wrong?" Sirius asked.

"What's happened?" asked Claire, closing her book and standing.

Stell came to stand beside Dedalus, peering at him concernedly, "Are you alright?"

Dedalus bit his lip and shook his head. Everyone glanced around apprehensively; the atmosphere was rigid with unease. Finally Dedalus looked up, his terrified eyes darting around the room at them all.

"There's been another attack," he managed.

There was a unanimous intake of breath from the occupants of the room.

"Oh…" Stell whispered, "Oh, Merlin… What's happened?"

Dedalus gulped several times before he croaked, "We've just found her body in a deserted field, with the dark mark…"

"Who?" Emmeline asked urgently.

"Dorcas." The room was silent for several seconds.

"This is awful," Claire said at last, tears welling in her eyes "I've done enough sobbing in the last month to last a lifetime," she said hysterically, her voice coming out in a high-pitched sqeak.

"We all have," Lily gasped, as though she was suddenly not fully capable of breathing properly. She sat down rigidly beside James on the couch, leaning against him for support and gently taking Harry from him. She squeezed his tiny body to her like it was the only thing she had to hold onto.

Stell, who had been staring at Dedalus with a blank, uncomprehending look, now closed her eyes silently. She drifted into Sirius's arms, hiding her wet face against his chest as if he could save her from the horror of Voldemort's power. Oh, how he wished he could.

"Was there a struggle? Or did they attack suddenly?" Emmeline interrogated in a stiff voice as though she might distract herself by knowing the details of the killing.

"It seems it was done by Voldemort himself. Great witch… Dorcas wasn't one to go without a fight…" Dedalus said, collapsing onto the nearest armchair.

Everyone nodded in silent affirmation and remembrance of the great witch Dorcas had been. The stood in the room together, noislessly sharing their sorrow. The pain was almost tangible, the tenseness of the room dulled the senses. After a few moments of hushed stillness, Emmeline broke the quiet angrily.

"It's terrible! All of this killing!" she exclaimed indignantly. Everyone was surprised, it was rare that they saw Emmeline angry and she never broke her stately, composed air. "And there is a word for it, this meaningless slaughtering of all those without 'good blood'! It is genocide. Nothing more, nothing less. Genocide."

The word hovered between everyone for a few moments like some repulsive creature that had stumbled into their midst.

No one said anything. It was too frightening to discuss. But even as they dared not speak of the label which had just been put on Voldemort's bloody supremacy, it was even more terrifying, because every person in the room knew it was the truth.


	30. Chapter 30

"It's another fight! Several death eaters have been located! Everyone, quickly!" Edgar Bones cried, bursting into the headquarters. All the people in the comfortable great room were immediately on their feet. "We need back up, right now! There's no time to spare!" Edgar exclaimed franticly, already striding to the hearth.

Shooting terrified glances at one another and yet all too hauntingly familiar with this scene, everyone hastened to follow him. "Please hurry!" He sounded almost desperate, as if he wasn't sure he could handle the situation. Elphias Doge came to stand silently behind him, taking a handful of floo powder and casting it into the flames. Edgar nodded once and then stepped into the grate and vanished. The others had formed a kind of straggling line and disappeared into the fire in quick succession.

Wands drawn, the members gathered into a subconscious circle, looking about them and covering each other intuitively. Sirius could feel the blood rushing through him, his heart pounding loudly. He was almost excited by the prospect of a battle, having missed the last one.

Of course, he had seen the aftermath and he wasn't eager to face his doom, if that was what was to come. Still, however, he felt ready, prepared, and almost impatient for the attack to come.

They were in a sort of cave, dark and damp with the smell of decay in the stale air. The ceiling was high and there were many jagged boulders and slanting cliffs, as well as several tunnels, none of them with any visible light at the end. Though it was dark, the cave was filled with flickering shadows, but there was no source of light to be seen. The whole effect was incredibly eerie. The floor they stood on was made of the same grayish rock as the walls, but it was rutted and filled with crevices, all of which were overflowing with murky pools of muddy water. The ground was covered in a thin film of algae or mildew which made it quite slippery and difficult to balance on.

Sirius turned to see where they had come from. It was the only sign, besides the rough, man made tunnels, that any human had ever visited the cavern before. It was a tall, arched, fireplace with symbols and runes carved into, though it did not appear that any fire had ever been lit in it.

The air was cool and clammy and the room was utterly silent. As Sirius moved slowly around within the circle of people to face the opposite wall, he registered that their footsteps certainly should have made at least some kind of noise. From the emptiness of the place and the towering domed ceiling above them, he would have expected every tiny sound to be projected and echoed a hundred times louder, and yet there was not even a whisper of any kind.

Someone lit their wand a few places to the right and Sirius could see now that there were runes etched into the cavernous roof as well. He could feel the weight of ancient magic in the air and nearly taste the heavy enchantments that lay over the inhospitable grotto. Suddenly there was a scuffle and the light went out.

"Do not light your wands," Edgar Bones whispered in a strangely muffled voice.

"Where is everyone?" asked James. His voice too, was oddly hollow and muted.

"Shhh," Emmeline hissed.

"Emmeline? When did you-" Sturgis's voice was cut off abruptly. Sirius's heart skipped a beat. He was certain he'd seen, or rather felt, movement in one of the tunnels. Had they walked straight into a trap? However, when he turned it was gone and Emmeline had only covered Sturgis's mouth with her hand, stifling his voice.

Suddenly they were doused in utter blackness. A dark so impenetrable that Sirius couldn't even tell how far away the floor beneath his feet was. He didn't quite hear, more felt, Stell gasp beside him and he instinctively reached out a hand toward her. The second he found her wrist, the darkness vanished and he found himself once more in the cave, though this time there was certainly detectable movement in all of the passageways. Stell gripped his hand tightly and reached out for Claire's hand beside her, indicating to Sirius that he should do the same.

Sirius turned to find Remus staring blindly at the ceiling, a look of terror on his face. Sirius firmly grasped his arm and Remus immediately found his bearings.

Sirius turned his attention back to the formerly deserted tunnels. They were too grey and shadow-filled to see anything properly, but Sirius thought he could make out several robe-clad figures. Suddenly there was a spark of red light from one of the passages and for a split second Sirius could clearly make out the horrifying skull-like mask of a death eater. When the light was hastily extinguished it left spots in Sirius's vision, preventing him from seeing any more, but he was absolutely positive that he knew exactly where the death eater had been. He made to grope for his wand but with a terrifying jolt he realized that he was unable to reach for his wand or perform any magic while he still clutched Remus's and Stell's hands.

Experimentally Sirius pried his hands out of their grasp. The immense darkness instantly swallowed him again. He quickly retook his friends' icy hands in his.

"Remus," Sirius hissed, "I can't get to my wand like this!"

Remus nodded to show he understood. His face was rapt with concentration. He let go of Sirius's right hand. As Sirius still clutched Stell's sweaty palm in his left, the black abyss couldn't claim him and he was able to watch as Remus took his wand from his pocket and, brow furrowed with focus, he performed a complicated sort of spell, mumbling under his breath and careful not to release Lily's hand in his right.

When he had finished he at last dropped Lily's hand. He shook his head, his eyes oddly blank; it obviously hadn't worked. Yet, Remus didn't reach for Lily's hand again; instead he tried something else, working his wand around in a complicated pattern. Still nothing happened. Remus paused, apparently thinking, then whispered "_Lumos maxima_!"

Sirius was surprised, despite his doubts that a wand could penetrate the immense magical dark, to see that Remus's wand hadn't even shown the slightest inclination that a spell had been cast.

Remus quickly rejoined hands with Sirius. "Why haven't they tried anything?" Sirius asked, indicating the death eaters.

"I don't know…" Remus whispered back, utterly perplexed.

"Obviously we can't do any magic in this dark, but we can't do magic when we're holding each other's hands like this either…"

"Maybe they're hoping we'll just leave?" Sirius suggested.

"But that doesn't make any sense… Why would they-"

"They're going to kill us. All of us."

"What?" Remus and Sirius asked simultaneously.

Stell was staring fixedly at one of the tunnels. Sirius and Remus glanced at each other, bewildered.

"Are you alright?" Sirius asked her, obviously wondering whether she had cracked under the tension.

"Don't you see? It's an ambush and we've wandered right into it! They're just torturing us, holding us here like this! We can't apparate out-"

"Why not?" Sirius interrupted.

"Don't you feel it? There's spells on this place, strong ones. We couldn't apparate if we tried and we can't go to the fireplace either, or they'll kill us. We're going to have to stand here in the dark until they decide to attack."

Sirius studied Stell's face worriedly. She still had not looked at them; she was staring intently into the nearest tunnel.

"She's right…" Remus breathed as if he hardly dared believe it.

"But… but…" Sirius said, at a loss for words. He was so shocked by the sudden disappearance of happy, optimistic Stella that he could think of nothing to say. "But surely there's something we can do… We aren't just going to sit here and die are we?"

"No, of course not," Stell said, and suddenly she turned to him and smiled. She'd been thinking hard all along and now she seemed to have come up with an idea.

"It's stupid, isn't it? A tiny flaw, so obvious it's easy to pass over. They probably didn't realize we'd even think to hold onto each other. I don't even know if they realized that that could break the spell. Most wizards don't seem to have much common sense or logic, and I guess I haven't any either. I can't believe it took me so long to think of it!" Stell was almost laughing now, though she hurriedly subdued her giggles.

"All we have to do is split into pairs! Then we can hold onto each other and still have a hand free for our wands!"

"Surely they'll have thought of that?" Remus said skeptically.

"Perhaps, but what else can we do? Besides, Sirius and I could see perfectly well when it was just us."

"You're right. It's worth a try…"

"Claire, I'm letting go now, you can move over next to Remus."

"Be careful!" Remus cautioned, "If you move out of the circle they're sure to get you!"

"It's a risk we'll have to take," Stell shrugged, "We'll have to get them before they get us."

Sirius pulled away from Remus. He could feel the circle closing behind he and Stell. Quickly he drew his wand.

"It's worked!" he breathed, glancing behind him at the circle, all of whom were watching them with concern. No sooner had the words left his mouth when there was a terrible scrambling sound in a tunnel.

The death eater's confusion just barely gave them time to duck before a jet of red light flashed across the dungeon. "_Stupefy_!" Stell shrieked, whirling around to slash at the passage where the spell had come from.

"Kill them, you fool!" one of the masked figures screeched from the largest of the tunnels.

"_Impedimenta_!" Stell twisted around violently to meet a second attacker, nearly breaking Sirius's wrist.

"_Confundo_!" She shot another spell across the cave, hitting a death eater squarely between the eyes. Suddenly a hooded figure leapt out on their right.

"Behind you!" Sirius cried, Stell turned and aimed another jet of red light at him, sending him flying across the dungeon.

"You can do magic as well, you know!" she gasped, dragging him around to fell another death eater. To his horror, Sirius realized that he had quite forgotten this fact and he immediately tried to shoot a spell at another of Voldemort's masked henchman who seemed intent upon brutally murdering them.

However he missed by a long shot and narrowly avoided being blown to bits by an oncoming curse. Sirius took a split second to look down at his wand, puzzled. Something was not right…

"I'm left handed!" Sirius called to Stell, "I can't hit anything with my wand in the wrong hand!"

Stell rolled her eyes, "Well, then hold my shoulder or something with your right hand, but do it fast!"

Sirius quickly switched hands, careful not to release his grip on Stell's hand until he had firmly planted his other hand on her shoulder. Everyone had taken up their example now; pairs whirled across the dungeon, locked in fast moving deadly duels.

"_Levicorpus_!" Sirius exclaimed, flicking his wand at a death eater who had crept up behind them.

"_Expelliarmus_! _Petrificus Totalus_!" Stell screamed, blasting the death eater they had been dueling out of the way.

"_Sectu_-" another death eater had jumped in to take the first's place.

"_Relashio_!" Stell exclaimed.

"_Rictusempra_!" Sirius added. The death eater fell to his knees, laughing uncontrollably.

"What the… What did you do? Wait a second, is that…?" Stell correctly identified his use of the tickling charm.

Sirius shrugged, "It was effective, wasn't it?"

"Not for long," Stell said skeptically, turning back to the death eater "_Locomoter Mortis_!"

"_Densaugeo_!" Sirius fired a curse at another death eater who Claire and Remus had been fighting. "_Furnunculus_!"

"You're a very creative dueler," Stell commented, watching as the death eater on the receiving end of Sirius's hexes sprouted a large number of painful-looking boils and a pair of rapidly growing buck teeth.

"I'm a very creative person in general," Sirius nodded, leaping around to attack another unsuspecting death eater. "_Tarantallegra_!"

Suddenly a new robe-clad henchman leapt in front of the pair. "_Avada Kedavra_!" he cried in a bone chilling screech. Sirius swore his heart had literally stopped. A jet of green light shot across the cavern. It seemed to be moving a whole lot slower than it ought to. Stell was frozen, her lips parted, eyes wide. Sirius could see the reflection of the spell speeding toward them in her eyes. There was no time to think of anything. But that wasn't really a problem. Sirius didn't generally spend a whole lot of his time thinking over his ideas before he acted on them. Usually it got him into trouble. Not today. Today he had less than a millisecond to do something. Sirius discovered that his brain had somehow analyzed the situation for him while he'd been busy concentrating on his heart, which seemed to have ceased to exist and on the curse that was currently going to hit a spot about six inches to his left. What his mind had come up with was that a death eater was about to succeed in destroying the one thing that Sirius loved more than anything in the entire universe. For once that thing wasn't Sirius himself. It wasn't even Sirius's own gorgeous face. It was something located about six inches to his left.

With less than a moment to go, Sirius leaped violently to his left, blocking the spell's progress. Sirius knew he would die. Yet for some reason this didn't really bother him. He felt satisfied, almost happy. Because Stell was going to live. She was safe.

Suddenly the words of someone he loved and deeply admired rang through his numb brain. "I'll always be there…" The words were his own. He had made a promise.

At that moment Sirius lost his balance on the algae covered floor. He slipped and fell with a sickening crunch, landing on top of Stell and narrowly avoiding the curse. He felt it whoosh past above him. He painfully rolled over. Stell slowly sat up. Hesitantly she reached out a hand and touched his face.

"You… you saved my life… You were going to die. But you saved me anyway…"

Sirius tried a weak smile. It hurt. "I'll always be there," he gasped. Stell squeezed his hand. Sirius just had time to register that the darkness spell had stopped working with no one to operate it. She hadn't been touching his hand before. Then he blacked out.

**A/N: A fast update and a long chapter, impressive, no:) Well keep reading, the next chapter follows this one immediately but they were too long to keep as one chapter. Also, I think the next one may be the best...**


	31. Chapter 31

When Sirius came to he was lying on a couch in the great room, back at the headquarters. From what he could see of the windows, it was night outside. He could hear quiet voices in the kitchen and a creaking of floorboards above him. He was relieved. As he'd drifted in and out of consciousness for the few seconds before he'd finally come around, a foreboding worry that casualties might have been so high there'd be no one left but him had haunted his vague nightmares.

"Last time I checked he was still asleep…" People were coming into the great room now. Sirius tried to call out, but his mouth wouldn't work.

"You're awake!" Stell exclaimed, as she came into focus over Sirius's head. "Oh, thank Merlin! I was worried… But Edgar Bones said you'd be alright. I should've known he was right." Stell bent down to kiss him, concernedly touching his face and taking his hand.

"How do you feel?" Remus asked, moving Sirius's feet so he could sit on the couch.

"Like crap…" Sirius managed to say at last. He slowly reached up, running his hand over his face to assess the damage. As far as he could tell, there were no wounds that might affect his stunningly gorgeous features, but his head ached excruciatingly. "What time is it?"

"Ten to five in the morning. We got back around two," Remus answered. Sirius's head was still throbbing as though someone had hit it with a sledge hammer.

"How is everyone else?" Sirius asked tiredly. He was too exhausted to feel really worried.

"No deaths," sighed Stell, "Actually it went well for our side. Moody caught one of the death eaters, Evan Rosier. Heard of him?"

Sirius started to shake his head but hurriedly stopped as his headache increased. "Well, Moody got him, but not before he took a big chunk of his nose… It looked bad, but Moody said he was fine. Don't suppose it'll make much of a difference really. Moody's so scarred as it is…" Stell mused.

Suddenly there was a hammering at the door. Shooting Stell and Sirius a perplexed look, Remus stood and made his way hesitantly to the door.

"Who could be calling at this time?" Sirius wondered allowed.

Remus unlocked the door, his wand drawn. Dumbledore staggered into the headquarters.

"Dumbledore!" Stell exclaimed, standing.

"What is it? What's-" Remus began, but Dumbledore interrupted him.

"Where are Lily and James? It is absolutely imperative that I speak with them immediately," Dumbledore said. His voice was calm, but it was almost more frightening than if he'd burst in shouting. From his tone, it was obvious something terrible had happened.

Everyone was frozen, almost panicked. Finally, with unfathomable courage, Stell spoke, "They're… they're upstairs, sleeping."

"Get them, please," Dumbledore said.

She went quickly to the staircase, glancing back worriedly only once. Dumbledore sank into an armchair.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked.

"Something of terrible importance has come to my attention regarding Lily and James's son, Harry. I will say no more until I have spoken with the Potters, so please do not ask me."

The room remained silent. Sirius glanced at Remus and Remus glanced at Sirius but neither dared say anything. Sirius somehow heaved himself into a sitting position, his skull pounding with every movement. At last the Potters staggered down the stairs. James had a slight limp that Sirius had not noticed before. Lily had dark circles under her eyes and a glazed look on her face.

Dumbledore stood, "I would apologize profusely for keeping you from your right to sleep at this ridiculous hour and after your most recent escapade, which I'm sure was terribly exhausting, but I haven't the time."

Lily and James glanced at each other dazedly. "Please, sit down. I would prefer to stand as I am in a hurry, but don't feel obligated to stand because I am doing so. In fact, I would suggest you take this news sitting."

The Potters lurched to the sofa and sat down on either side of Sirius. "Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, if you wouldn't mind…" Remus nodded and was halfway to the stairs when he realized Sirius was having difficulty even standing on his own feet. Quickly, he returned and lifted one of Sirius's arms over his shoulder, pulling him violently upright. James, who had impulsively grabbed Sirius's arm, reluctantly let go as Stell appeared at the foot of the stairs and took Sirius's other arm. With incomprehensible and uncharacteristic strength, the two somehow lifted Sirius and bodily carried him up the staircase.

Before the trio had even made it to the landing, Dumbledore had begun to speak agitatedly. However, for some reason they could not hear a word he was saying; it seemed he had somehow cast powerful protective spells in a matter of moments. Sirius found this latest accomplishment of Dumbledore's surprisingly comforting.

Stell and Remus deposited Sirius on an overstuffed futon and then sat on either side of him. They were quiet for a while. Sirius stared into the flames, wondering what it was that was so urgent it brought Dumbledore to the headquarters in the middle of the night.

Before he knew it, a half an hour had past. Remus was gone and Stell was asleep beside him. There was movement in the shadows behind them and Sirius drew his wand, slowly turning to face the attacker. But it was only Peter.

Catching sight of Sirius, he wandered miserably over to the couch and plopped down beside him. He carried a mug of warm milk which he downed hastily. His right hand was clenched inside his pocket, presumably around his wand. Beads of sweat glimmered in the flickering light of the fire on his forehead. He nervously licked his lips.

"That… that Dumbledore?" he muttered. Resentful at being interrupted from his reverie by pitiful Peter, Sirius only nodded and looked away.

"D-do you know what h-he's sa-saying?" Peter asked.

Sirius shrugged. Peter started to stand, "No, don't bother going to eavesdrop. Dumbledore doesn't want whatever it is he's got to say to be heard. He's cast powerful silencing spells around the whole place."

Forlornly, Peter again collapsed on to the sofa. Sirius glanced at him. His hair was thinner than it had been and he'd grown skinnier. Far from looking healthier, the weight loss gave him the look of a forgotten prisoner. His skin hung about him loosely, and his face looked hollow and ill. Their eyes met and Sirius was shocked to see a strange hunger in them. For a moment, when the firelight illuminated his hollow cheeks and deep-set beady eyes, Peter looked almost deranged.

A guilty pity engulfed him. The war had not been treating Peter well at all. Always jumpy, being on guard at all times seemed to have done nothing for his nerves and driven Peter over the edge. He now looked decidedly paranoid.

"He came to speak with James and Lily," Sirius offered by means of consolation. Peter nodded slightly. "Something about Harry."

Peter said nothing. His features looked eerily rat-like and as he nervously nibbled at the edge of a thumb nail, Sirius wondered why he had persistently stuck with the marauders for so long. He was fascinated with their popularity and power, Sirius supposed. The promise of protection… The weak were always attracted to those in power.

Peter let out a long quavering sigh. "You all right, Pete?" Sirius asked. He realized that this was the first time he had actually taken a good look at Peter since… Well, to tell the truth, since they'd joined the order.

Peter seemed just a permanent fixture. Just something that was there. He wasn't and never had been equal to the others. He was only there because he insisted upon being there.

Again Peter took a deep breath, but this time he spoke, "I… Sirius, I… I'm worried," he whimpered.

Sirius was silent. Peter studied him for some reaction, but plowed on when he provided none. "I… he'll… Oh, I don't know what to do!"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm… Sirius, I…" Peter took another rattling breath, "I…" He covered his face with his hands, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles. "I'm sorry… so sorry…" he squeaked at last.

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked.

Peter bit his lip and seemed to regret trying to say whatever it was that he couldn't quite manage to articulate. "You… You're all off doing brave things… and being… being useful, and- and brave!" Peter closed his eyes again.

"W-what can I do, Sirius? How can I c-compare? I c-ca-can't! I can't help!"

It was only too true. There was nothing Peter could ever do that would measure up to them. There were people who were born to do great things. To be leaders and thinkers and doers. Peter was not one of them.

He had always been and always would be weak; a follower. He was the worst kind, too. Gullible, hungry for authority and security, willing to do anything to please a powerful master if he had hope of reward. Peter had never had the kind of resolve the rest of them had had. He could be easily lead astray by the temptation of power, even if it came at a cost the rest of them would rather die than pay.

Sirius was astonishingly shocked to realize that he did not like the person Peter had become. Peter was not a friend. Sirius did not even enjoy his company as perhaps he once had. Peter was pathetic. Peter was a rat. Perhaps he had always been one. Still, Sirius could not help but feel pity. His repulsion at the man sitting beside him made him determined to keep Peter from betraying them, the Order and himself. If he could, Sirius would find a use for Peter. Something to keep him on the right path. It would not take much. Just a prod in the right direction and an assurance of compensation was all Peter needed.

He stirred beside Sirius. "I…" he gulped, "Sirius… Please, I…"

"What is it, Peter?"

"I'm… I beg you… F-forgive me, please… Oh, Merlin, forgive me!"

Surprised by the note of desperation in his voice Sirius turned to face him full on. Peter was crying, whimpering, sobbing. His pointed nose grew red and his hollow cheeks and drooping skin grew wet with tears.

"S-so, so… sorry!" Peter choked. "I… I never…"

His pointed buck teeth nibbled at his lower lip until it bled, "I'll be… k-killed!"

His tiny, blood shot, eyes searched Sirius's face. "Don't… d-don't! Oh, please, I don't know what to do! Help me, oh, help me! Sirius… S-s-sirius! You were always, always, such a good, good friend to me! P-poor, poor me!"

"Peter!" Sirus exclaimed, alarmed, "Peter, what is it?"

He just shook his head. At last he lifted his face, "I… I'm-"

At that moment James appeared on the landing. "Sirius, come down stairs. Dumbledore needs to speak with you. Hurry."

James was remarkably pale. He appeared to be shocked and trembling. Sirius looked from Peter to James. Both seemed desperate for his company and for a moment he was torn. But, James was his best friend. It was true, Wormtail was about to tell Sirius something very important, but surely it could wait.

"Sirius," James rasped, "I need you."

If Sirius had had any remaining doubt as to who he should be with at present, it was gone now. James needed him.

Before leaving, he turned once more to Peter. "Watch Stell for me, will you?" Hopefully that would keep him occupied until Sirius could find out and investigate what it was that Peter had been about to say.

As Sirius turned and began to descend the stairs, he heard a low anguished moan come from Peter's direction. He paused for a moment, but James kept walking, so Sirius followed.

When they reached the foot of the steps, James pushed Sirius on to the couch beside Lily. Dumbledore was staring distractedly off into space. James sat on Lily's other side. He took her hand, squeezing it so tightly Sirius wouldn't have been surprised if he'd heard her bones break. Lily didn't even seem to notice, she was shaking from head to toe, her eyes fixed on Dumbledore. There was a pleading look on her face, as though she was silently begging Dumbledore to tell them that all he had said was only a joke.

At last Dumbledore turned, facing the three of them. He looked directly at Sirius, saying nothing, searching his face. Sirius felt oddly as though Dumbledore was looking into his mind. He shifted uncomfortably and at last Dumbledore began to speak.

"I have advised Lily and James to go into hiding," he stated. James stood and began to pace, he moved haltingly from one side of the room to the other, as though it pained him to sit still.

"It appears that Lord Voldemort is, to put it frankly, attempting to murder them, and more specifically, their son, Harry. They are in very grave danger, very grave indeed."

The color left Sirius's face. He felt his jaw drop; his brain seemed to have stopped functioning. James turned and for a second their eyes met and Sirius knew what it was James needed.

Dumbledore continued to speak, though his words were all but meaningless to Sirius now. "I believe that their best chance is to use the Fidelius Charm. Perhaps you have heard of it?"

James had stopped pacing. He stood beside Dumbledore, gazing at Sirius and the floor in turn. He began to open his mouth, but stopped. He seemed no more capable of speaking than Sirius was.

Finally, tapping into the incomprehensible and unfathomable strength that everyone seemed to be using tonight, Sirius found his voice. "I'll do it, mate," he said, "Whatever it is, I'll do it."

James sank back on to the sofa, slowly he nodded. "I knew you would," he said, his voice shaking with relief.

"Very well," Dumbledore said, a distant note of... something in his voice that didn't quite belong. Was it anxiety? Or was it the admittance of defeat?

"If, in fact, you do intend to become the Potters' Secret Keeper, it would be advisable that you also go into hiding. You would be Voldemort's key to the Potters. You would be the most obvious one to protect the Potters' safety, so it is likely the Dark Lord would suspect you." At this point Dumbledore turned to James, "James? Are you absolutely certain that this is what you want?"

Sirius was confused at Dumbledore's earnest, insistent, almost desperate tone. Even more puzzling was James's reaction. He arranged his face into the stubborn, mulish, look that Sirius knew only too well. "Yes, I'm certain. I believe we've already discussed this issue."

"James, this is a matter of life and death. I'm not saying…" Dumbledore paused and glanced at Sirius, "I hope you realize what the consequences could be. I, myself, am entirely willing to be your Secret Keeper. Please consider my offer."

"Dumbledore?" Lily spoke, "Thank you, but we're both certain. I trust him." In a silent gesture of faith that somewhere, underneath the numb shock, touched Sirius's soul, Lily placed a trembling hand on Sirius's arm.

With a sigh, Dumbledore nodded, "I thought as much." He paused, studying each of the three in turn. "It is imperative that we complete the charm as soon as possible. I assume you would prefer to stay in Godric's Hollow?"

James and Lily both nodded and Dumbledore continued, "Then we will begin tomorrow. In the mean time I would recommend as much sleep as possible. Forgive me, but I am in a hurry, I must bid you goodnight now." Without another word, he dissaparated.

Slowly, Lily and James got to their feet and dragged themselves up the stairs. As James passed Sirius, he paused and tried to speak. All that came out was an odd sort of squeak, but the tears welling in James's eyes were enough to tell Sirius all he needed to know.

As Sirius sat on the couch alone in the dark room, he thought about what it was that he was to do. With a jolt, he realized that it was almost certain that Voldemort would know he was the Potters' Secret Keeper. Who else would James trust his life too? Voldemort would come after him. And sooner or later, Voldemort would inevitably find him. And those who Voldemort found didn't tend to live very long.

If Sirius died as the Potters' secret keeper, it wouldn't be long before James died. And Lily. Even Harry, Sirius's own Godson, would die.

Shaking, Sirius got to his feet and ascended the stairs. It was hopeless, utterly hopeless. It was like a chain. As soon as Voldemort got a hold of Sirius, all the rest were doomed. There was nothing any of them could do to prevent it. Unless they could find someone else Voldemort would never suspect to be the Potters' Secret Keeper. That way Voldemort would go after Sirius, but when… no, if, Sirius corrected himself, if Voldemort captured Sirius, the Potters would still be safe.

Sirius almost laughed. Who would agree to that? No one except Sirius was crazy enough to risk their life to protect James.

Suddenly Sirius reached the top of the staircase and an idea burst into his mind. Peter, of course! Voldemort would never dream that the Potters would use a weak, talentless, little rat like Peter. It was the perfect plan. Sirius would go into hiding, pretending to be the Secret Keeper. Voldemort would come after him and the real Secret Keeper, and the secret he kept, would be completely safe.

And it was perfect for Peter as well, just the thing he needed, a prod in the right direction. Satisfied, Sirius wandered over to the futon and sat down.

With a terrible shock, Sirius realized that he'd told Peter to watch Stell. Now both were gone. He hadn't been serious! Watching a sleeping, perfectly safe, Stell wasn't a real task!

Peter couldn't possibly… His head was spinning and his heart hammering, but Sirius forced himself to be calm, to think. This was Peter. Peter would never have the strength to actually kill, or even harm anything. Especially not a talented witch like Stella. Even if she had been asleep…

Sirius vaulted over the couch and dashed to the door across the hall. For a moment he fumbled with the doorknob. He didn't have time for this! He rifled through his pockets, searching for his wand. At last he found it and wrenched it out of his pocket, pointing it viciously at the door.

"Alohamora!" he spat. The door swung open with such force that it slammed into the wall. In seconds, Stell leaped out of nowhere and before he even had a chance to speak, Sirius found himself flying backward through the air. He hit the opposite wall rather forcefully, and slid down it on to the floor, the wind knocked out of him. The pain that had, for a while, vanished, now flooded back into his skull. For a moment he thought he might pass out, but he somehow struggled into a sitting position, leaning against the wall. Suddenly Stell appeared in the doorway, wand in hand.

"No!" Sirius managed to say, "It's me!"

"Sirius?" she gasped, and dashed across the room to him. Suddenly she paused, unsure.

"Stell?"

"What were you doing?" she asked suspiciously.

"I was trying to see if you were all right! When I left you were on the couch and when I came back you were gone!"

"The door wasn't locked," she said pointedly.

"Oh, sorry…" Sirius muttered, feeling a little idiotic; the door to their room didn't even have a lock. "I was so worried, I didn't even think…"

Stell relaxed and came over to him. "I thought you might be a death eater, that's why I, er... sent you flying across the room. Sorry," she said apologetically, "And then when I saw it was you, I thought you might be a death eater in disguise. It was a little suspicious, the breaking the door down… Er, how's your head?"

"Not so good," Sirius laughed. How could he think Peter could ever harm a witch like Stella?

"Sorry! You save my life today and then I almost end yours…"

That reminded him of what he had just promised James he would do. "Stell," he said, suddenly solemn, "I'm going into hiding."

"What?" she asked, caught off guard, a smile still playing about her lips as if she thought he might be joking.

"I've got to. Voldemort is after the Lily and James and I've promised to be their Secret Keeper." He decided not to mention his idea about Peter. He hadn't even mentioned it to James yet and the fewer people who knew about it, the better.

Stell sat back, surveying him in a stunned manner, her mouth slightly open as though she wasn't sure who he was. "Lily and James? Voldemort? You… You're… But you can't! He'll know! You'll be killed!"

"That's why I've got to go into hiding! Don't you see? These are… dangerous times and I've got to… I have to help James."

"He'll kill you…" Stell murmured, "He's sure to."

"I've got to go into hiding."

"I'm going with you."

"No you're not. You can't. It's dangerous enough for you, just knowing me. If Voldemort were to find me, and you were with me…"

"I don't care. I'm not letting you go by yourself."

"You've got to! If you were to be harmed because of me…"

"Sirius! I can't… How can I let you go into hiding and know I might never see you again?"

"You'll see me again. I'll be fine."

"Don't say that!" she cried suddenly, "Stop pretending everything is going to be all right! People die every day! He won't hesitate to kill you just because you're you, Sirius! You're kidding yourself with your optimism! There's no way you'll come out of this alive! It's never going to end. And I'd rather be with you, and die when you die, than live every day wondering if you're still alive out there somewhere!"

"I'll always be with you," Sirius said, taking her hands and drawing her closer. "I won't be able to stand being away from you every day, but it would be even harder if you were with me and I knew that every second could be our last. And if you died, it would be because of me."

Stell still said nothing. "Stell, I'll come back for you, I promise. You have to keep hoping. If you don't, it will never end. But as long as there's a chance, and you have the courage to believe in it, there's a reason to hope. Even if it is only blind optimism, if it saves me, what's there to criticize?" Sirius smiled feebly.

Stell looked into his stormy grey eyes for a moment longer. Abruptly she wrenched her hands from his and, tears streaming silently down her cheeks, she turned from him and tore across the room, shutting the door behind her.

**A/N: This is probably my favorite chapter. I think (I hope) you finally find out why Sirius is so in love with this annoyingly characterless oc and you learn a lot more about his relationship with James and Peter and even Lily. It's kind of funny because so much happens in this chapter, so much action takes place and so many events are revealed, but at the same time you find more to the characters. Ok, I know I'm kind of praising myself here, but I was actually surprised when I reread it how well I thought it came out. lol I shouldn't be complimenting myself before I find out what you think! Who knows whether you'll agree! Well, anyway, I hope you do! Review and tell me what you think!**


	32. Chapter 32

Sirius scowled at the window with a morbid satisfaction. It had begun to rain. It was the perfectly depressing addition to a perfectly depressing day. Sirius's morning had included cold coffee and a slice of cold, slightly moldy, pizza. Sirius probably could have done something about the mold. He certainly could have done something about the temperature of his meal. But today there was just no point. His day had sluggishly crawled onward from there; he had gotten in a few good sulks after breakfast and had then taken to laying about his living room, moaning. He had finally chosen to glance at his watch and realized, with a start, that he had missed lunch. He couldn't remember the last time he had done that for any reason other than that he had slept in late. He now considered getting up and making something for himself, but he was having too much mind-numbing fun watching the rain to even consider dragging himself from the window.

Sirius sighed, it was ridiculous, really. What on earth was wrong with him? His days had never dragged by so slowly and mealtimes had never been less important.

"I guess this is what being in hiding will do to a man…" Sirius muttered. With a shock he realized that he had just spoken to himself, another sign that his mind was fast going.

"I really have to get out of here!" Sirius exclaimed. "Bloody hell! I did it again! I really am going mad!"

The rain suddenly began pounding against the windows with renewed torrential force, interrupting Sirius's discussion with himself. He stared dismally out across the grey landscape and wondered how life in hiding had been treating James. He hoped not as badly as it was treating him.

Up until the past week Sirius had left the house freely, wandering down muggle streets and occasionally dropping in at the Order. He had even taken to visiting James, who had, since he'd gone into hiding a week and a half earlier, been forbidden to leave Godric's Hollow. He had lived his days in a blissful semi-solitude, spending hours each day and sometimes staying long into the night with Stell, carefully avoiding all mention of the outside world. Once or twice he had even visited Peter, just to see how the slobbering little rat was doing. In all actuality, hiding seemed to be treating Peter much better than not hiding, although he seemed distracted and distant whenever Sirius spoke to him.

Sirius had truly come to enjoy being 'in hiding' until one terrible Monday just over a week ago. On the aforementioned fateful Monday, Sirius had been having a particularly busy and rewarding day in blissful semi-solitude until a certain aged and rather irritatingly logical wizard had shown up and commanded that he stop immediately. Well, 'stop immediately' hadn't been Dumbledore's exact words, but that was certainly the general meaning behind them and Sirius didn't like it one bit. Apparently being in hiding didn't actually count as being in hiding until Sirius actually started hiding. And hiding meant no outside world. At all.

Truth be told, Sirius had had what might have been a few close calls. One night as he'd taken the long way home from one of his favorite muggle shops, Sirius could have sworn he saw a shadow in the corner of his eye. He'd dropped all his lovely purchases and dissaparated immediately, but the next morning when he returned to the scene, all of his bags were right where he'd left them and there was no sign of any death eater activity what so ever. Another time, someone in a long black trench coat and with a hat pulled down so it covered his face had followed Sirius around for a good two and a half hours. However, Sirius had the sneaking suspicion that the stranger's limping gait was a little too familiar and he just might have been Mad-Eye Moody, sent to make sure Sirius was actually in hiding.

Some days Sirius wondered if he wouldn't rather take the chance of being murdered by Voldemort in order to leave his dismal prison. But then he thought of Stell and James and all the other people he cared about and he decided against it. If he was killed and Voldemort discovered he wasn't actually the Potter's secret keeper, it wouldn't be long before Peter was caught and then Lily and James would be as good as dead.

Thinking of James and Stell was one of the only things that kept Sirius sane these days. Even food had begun to lose its significance and you can only ponder the meaning of life for so long before even that becomes monotonous. Sirius sighed and shifted in his seat.

"What day do you suppose today is?" he wondered aloud. "Not Monday. Monday's passed already. Wednesday maybe? Is it October yet?" he mused.

"No! I'm doing it again! I've got to stop this or I'll really lose it!" Sirius exclaimed, slapping a hand over his mouth.

"Aha! I know!" he proclaimed, leaping to his feet in excitement. "If I sing to myself, I can't talk to myself! Or at least not at the same time!" And with that Sirius was off in a dramatic ballad from some terrible opera, his off key notes filling the empty apartment.

Singing every song he could think of kept Sirius occupied for quite a while. He was just about to belt the chorus of one of his favorite Christmas carols when he heard someone call him from the other room. He immediately froze.

"Sirius? Finally, you've stopped! That was magnificently terrible! I've been calling you for the past ten minutes but you haven't heard a word because of your… er, singing."

"Stell?" Sirius gasped, dashing down the hall and skidding around the corner into the living room. "What in the… How did you-"

"Shh! We haven't got much time!" she exclaimed, "And you've already wasted half of it with your… singing."

Sirius grinned apologetically, "Didn't you enjoy it?"

"Actually, I did. I think that was the first time I laughed this week. That Elvis number kind of reminded me of the time James accidentally stepped on your tail."

Sirius attempted to look insulted, but his weak scowl quickly melted into a laugh. "Oh, Merlin, I've missed you. I didn't even realize how much until just now."

"I've missed you, too."

"How are you? How are things at the Order?"

"I'm fine. The Order is… not so fine. But, how are you?"

"Bored stiff. What happened at the Order?"

Stell's head grimaced in the fire. "Edgar Bones. Him and his family were found dead the day before yesterday."

Sirius sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. After a pause he asked, "Any more good news?"

Stell shook her head. "No, nothing too bad has happened recently, except that. But there's nothing good either. Honestly, how are you? Has it been bad?"

Sirius grinned, "Only if you call my singing bad!"

Stell laughed. "No, really! I can't imagine you staying in any one place by yourself for more than fifteen minutes."

"Ah, hence the singing!"

"I see. Is that how you've coped this whole time? I'm surprised you can still talk."

"No, actually. I'm not sure how I've been coping. I can't remember now. This entire terrible week has disappeared with you here." She gave him one of her beautiful, genuine, smiles and Sirius realized how rare those smiles had become.

"Have you checked on James recently?" she asked, breaking his moment.

"No…" Sirius said distantly, realizing he ought to check on Peter. He had talked to him only once since they had finalized him being the secret keeper. An anxious guilt filled the pit of his stomach. Still, Peter was probably fine. After all, the only souls on the planet who knew Peter was the Potters' secret keeper were him, Peter, James, and Lily.

"Maybe you should. Just to make sure he's alright." Stell said.

"Hmmm, dunno if Dumbledore'd let me," Sirius mused.

"Oh, I see your point. I guess he's probably fine." Sirius studied Stell's face for a moment. She seemed oddly distracted as though she had something on her mind.

There was silence between them for moment. Stell bit her lip nervously. "I love you," she said at last.

"I love you," Sirius replied. He had never wanted to kiss red hot coals more than he did now in his entire life.

"Sirius… There's something I have to tell you…" Stell took a deep breath.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing. It's… I… Well, I… We've… I'm…" She looked into Sirius eyes, as though begging him to understand. He stared back helplessly. "I can't stand it! I planned out exactly how I meant to tell you, but suddenly I can't think of a single word!"

"Er... Can't you just… tell me and be done with it?"

"I don't know! You'd better sit down," she warned. She took a deep shuddering breath. "You don't have to say anything… Just… listen. Umm, I don't know how…" She paused and bit her lip again, "Look Sirius, I'm-" Suddenly she stopped, "Oh no." Stell's head turned to look into the side of Sirius's fireplace. "Did you hear that?" she asked.

"No. What is it?"

"I have to go." Stell glanced nervously at the bricks to the side of the hearth again.

"What's wrong? I'm coming!" Sirius exclaimed, already taking a handful of floo powder.

"No. It's fine. No! Stay there. Stay there, Sirius! Don't come! Please!" Stell cried desperately, looking more and more agitated with each word.

"Stella!" he cried.

"Sirius. Please don't come here, Sirius! Promise me you won't. Promise me! Please!" Sirius could do nothing but stare, open mouthed. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe. He tried, he couldn't say anything, but she seemed to accept this as a promise.

"Keep yourself alive, Sirius. You promised, Sirius. Sirius, I love you!" With that her head disappeared from his fireplace.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: This chapter immediately follows the last. Just to refresh: Sirius was talking to Stell when something happened in her apartment and she disappeared after making Sirius promise not to come to for her. This is where this chapter begins.**

Sirius felt his knees collapse underneath him, his breath disappeared. The world spun around him and he felt something painfully sharp wrenching his heart from his chest. He couldn't see, couldn't think. What was happening? What…? His thoughts twisted themselves around in his mind, until he couldn't distinguish what was reality anymore.

His breath came out in sharp, painful, gasps, "Stella… Stella… Stella…"

He was halfway into the fireplace when he remembered he'd promised. But what's a promise? His mind argued forcibly, desperately, against itself. He was killing her. Every second he wasted, killing… killing…

Peter! The word popped into his mind without him knowing how it got there. In seconds he convinced himself that maybe she was ok, maybe the noise had been nothing… And yet, he knew that wasn't true, in his heart he knew. And maybe too, he knew what she had been trying to tell him. And he knew that more than one life would be lost.

He gathered his breath, his thoughts, himself, his heart, all he had. Breathe, breathe… And he was gone, swirling, faster than life, and he was at Peter's hiding place. Or what had been Peter's hiding place. The second he arrived there he knew everything was wrong, all wrong. Even wronger than he'd first thought.

Even the air shivered with wrongness. The place was in disarray. Sirius's mind was having trouble. Voldemort? Find Peter? How? How could he guess? He couldn't, it was an utter impossibility.

Had…? No. No way.

But suddenly everything fit. Yes way. Peter had done it. He'd betrayed them all. And that second Sirius knew his life was over. Over.

His fist clenched around his wand, and he realized he was pointing it at himself. No. No. He couldn't do this. He knew it was over, but he just couldn't. Not here. He wouldn't allow himself to die this way. He wasn't going to die. Not now.

There was still time! Still… No, there wasn't. He knew there wasn't time left, in his heart. In his heart, he knew. But he leapt up anyway. He couldn't think, couldn't do this. But he had to.

Before he knew it he was on the black motorbike of death. It was sick, completely inappropriate, but he found a smile on his lips. He had once taken Harry on his motorbike. He was supposed to have been babysitting his godson responsibly, but… Harry! Harry! Please let there be time!

Before he could think, he took off, the motorbike roaring into life and soaring into the darkness. The noise of it covered his pain, his thoughts.

Even though Sirius knew he was much too far to see what had been their house, he knew exactly what it looked like. He knew the second he was in the air. The glimmering green of a skull and snake shone in the darkness. The sallow light of it bit into Sirius's broken heart.

Devastation. Sirius fell to the ground and stumbled across the broken earth into the smoky ruins of what had been the home of his best friend, his brother. Now the tears came. He just couldn't do this, he couldn't.

And yet here he was. He stood in what he knew had been their bedroom. He hadn't meant to go inside. He'd only meant to see if there was still time. He'd meant to turn around and leave as soon as he saw there wasn't.

And yet here he was. He took a step forward, and fell to his knees. He vomited on what had been their nightstand. He could see, plain as day, his best friend. His brother. The one who'd saved him from a life of sadness and pain. James. In his mind's eye he could see him still, still smiling, still laughing. And Lily too.

Sirius wiped his mouth on his sleeve. They were gone. Gone, gone. Dead, and with them, Sirius's life. Dead.

But… Sirius's mind was protesting, but… Harry. But Harry. But what about Harry?

Sirius turned in a full circle. His feet made hollow crunching sounds on the charred floorboards. But there was another noise, too. Could it possibly be? No. It was impossible. Yet, it was true. Crying. It was a baby crying.

In fact, it was familiar crying. And Sirius didn't know very many babies.

Sirius had never in a million years dreamt that he would be even remotely happy to hear the ear splitting cries of his godson. But now… they were probably the best sound Sirius had ever heard in his life.

Where was he? "Harry! Harry, I'm coming!" Sirius choked out. He lunged randomly to his right, tripping over a fallen bookshelf.

"Sirius? Sirius Black?" Sirius whirled around. There stood the massive Hogwarts gamekeeper, Rubeus Hagrid. And in his arms was Sirius's godson. The only remaining piece of Sirius's best friend. The only remaining piece of Sirius's life.

Sirius took several deep breaths. He could feel himself trembling from head to toe. "H-Hagrid?"

"Have you seen?" Hagrid sobbed, "Lily… an', an' James! Sirius… J- James! He's…" but at this point Hagrid lost it to hysterics. Sirius could only stand and stare.

"Si-sirius, James… he was yer b-best friend!" Sirius still said nothing. His brain was slowly coming to a horrifying realization.

"D-dead, S- Sirius, dead!" Hagrid wailed. Sirius's jaw dropped. It was true. They were dead. And Sirius was to blame. He was to blame. He'd killed his best friend. For a moment he felt anger course through him, anger at Peter and mostly anger at himself. How could he have been so stupid? So blind? But then the anger was gone, and all he could think of was Harry. Harry was the one thing Sirius had left to live for.

Hagrid was patting him forcibly on the back now, knocking Sirius to his knees. "Hagrid…" Sirius said, "Give Harry to me, Hagrid… I'm his… godfather, I'll look after him." Sirius wasn't sure how he managed to get the words out. He hadn't known there was enough of himself left to speak. But Harry was the one thing that mattered.

"D- Dumbledore's orders. Harry's ter go ter his aunt and uncle," Hagrid gulped.

"Hagrid! I'm the only… the only family Harry's got left!"

"He's got his aunt and uncle. They're… they're L- Lily's relations. He's ter be raised by them."

"Hagrid… Hagrid, Lily never spoke of her sister. I know… please, Hagrid, I know James would want me to take care of Harry. And Lily would as well," Sirius said. Even as he spoke Sirius realized the fault in his words. James had asked Sirius to be Harry's godfather before he'd been killed. Before he'd been killed by another of Sirius's stupid mistakes. Sirius didn't deserve to raise Harry, the only surviving part of what James had been. But did Harry deserve to be raised by muggles? By a sister who his mother, as far as Sirius knew, hadn't spoken to in years?

"Sirius, the muggles'll be comin' soon. You ought ter say yer goodbyes, 'fore I take 'im ter Dumbledore."

Sirius nodded. Taking a shuddering breath, he parted with the last little bit of his life with a gentle kiss on the forehead, just below the ugly magical gash that marred the baby's perfect skin. Harry quieted; his large, familiar, green eyes observing Sirius with happy recognition. Sirius felt his throat closing, pain clawed at his mangled heart.

Hagrid turned. "Wait!" Sirius called, "Take my bike. I…. I won't need it anymore."

Hagrid nodded his giant head, and mounted it. Within seconds they were gone into the still vaguely green-hued sky.

Sirius watched them go. "I won't need it anymore," he repeated softly to himself. Sirius had only one thing left. One meager purpose left to his pitiful existence.

"I will _murder_ Peter Pettigrew," Sirius spat, and with that, he disappeared.


	34. Chapter 34

Sirius strode down the streets of London, wand drawn, in full wizard's robes. People stared at him open mouthed, but he didn't give a fucking shit. There was only one thing that mattered to him anymore. Dawn was just strong enough to light the street in a blue-ish ethereal way.

Sirius knew exactly where the fucking little cowardly rat would be hiding. Sirius was getting close, he could smell it.

Suddenly he was there. The road widened into an open square where early-risers were just beginning to go about their business. And there, exposed, terrified, and utterly pathetic was the slimiest fucking bastard Sirius had ever laid eyes on.

"Worm!" Sirius spat, "I'll… I'll…"

But before Sirius could think of something sufficiently derogatory and threatening to say, Peter was coming forward, speaking.

Sirius raised his wand. Now or never. He would destroy the disgusting, murderous, coward. All of the pain in his soul had caught fire. It was this fire that now consumed his very being that he would throw at the one sickening little creature that had killed his brother and himself. But before he could utter the curse he had never before wanted so badly to use, he caught a word of what Peter was saying.

"What have you done, Sirius?" Peter exclaimed, tears sliding down his cheeks.

Sirius was caught so off-guard he could think of nothing to say. His wand fell limply to his side. Sobbing, Peter took another step forward. "Lily and James! Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?"

Sirius felt his mouth fall open, but there were no words to describe his horror, his hatred, his utter revulsion. "I'll kill you, Sirius! How could you?" For a moment Sirius thought Peter really was going to kill him, but then, a millisecond before it happened, Sirius realized what he was actually about to do. Peter shrank and then was gone. Sirius brought his wand up to stop him, but it was too late. An explosion rocked the street. Of course, Peter had made sure it wouldn't get near Sirius. There was no way he'd let Sirius die. He was too cruel for that. Sirius felt his wand slide out of his fingers. Dust clouded his vision and his breath. He coughed hysterically. When he managed to open his eyes, the first thing he saw was a pile of bloodied robes on the ground. Next, he saw a huge crater, and pale, empty bodies, draped in a tragically comic manner over the imprecise destruction of a madman.

For the first time since his life had fallen apart, Sirius began to sob. His sobs were wild, insane, and ragged. They ripped through his chest and tore his throat. He felt like the mangled remnants of his shattered heart were pouring out onto the dusty street to be trampled by those who would soon come and grant him sweet death. No one was left alive to see him, but had someone been there they would have thought they heard the cries of a dead man. It was utterly pathetic, terrible and filled with agony. It was no less than the admittance of ultimate defeat.

The only people who had known that Peter was the Potter's secret keeper were either dead, presumed dead, or an about-to-be-convicted-murderer. As far as the rest of the world was concerned, Sirius had murdered his best friend with his own wand, which now lay broken on the street, unable to prove anything otherwise.

Lily was dead. Prongs was dead. Stella was as good as dead. Moony was all alone in a world where no one was left to understand him. Harry was going to grow up with strangers who wouldn't- who _couldn't _possibly love him like James and Lily would have. And Wormtail? He was free. He was free of blame, free of the ministry, and free of the pain that one could only feel for the loss of pure love. He had outdone them all in the end. And the only one left to suffer for it was Sirius. Because in truth, the real blame lay with Sirius himself. It was he who had betrayed them all. With his own stupidity, he'd murdered everything he'd ever loved. And so, his heart died.

Within seconds ministry workers appeared on the street. They ran toward Sirius, wands drawn, but Sirius had already given up. His sobs turned to laughter. Insane, mirthless, laughter that rang with all the pain Sirius had ever known. It was ridiculous, utterly absurd. How was it even possible for a person to feel so much pain and still be alive? And Sirius hadn't even begun to face the reality of James's death. He was still asleep, really, still dazed. He hoped with all that was left of his soul that they would kill him before he woke up to the truth of this nightmare.

**A/N: This is probably the last chapter... I've written one more, and maybe I'll add it as an epilogue, but this seems like an ending. I wish it didn't have to be so sad!**


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